Vasectomy - change in behaviour

[Loftyheights21]

My husband (49m) and myself (44f) have always had a reasonable sex life. We have two kids. But he has never been able to have sex more than once in 24 hours, even when we were young things and dating. This used to bother me as I had quite a high sex drive, but after having kids I didn’t mind so much as I was knackered anyway.

So, he had a vasectomy in April. The advice was to ejaculate as much as possible after the first week of healing, to get rid of active sperm. In this time, we have hardly had any sexual contact at all ( there’s been a lot going on in the family, nothing too traumatic though, just really busy times).

In the past two weeks, I have initiated things twice. He has managed to get an erection but I felt it wasn’t 100% hard. The way it would be if he had had sex or masturbated the night before. This has happened twice now. He did come but it was tiny amount. I wonder if he has been masturbating. Or if it’s something else. I’d welcome your thoughts.

Sounds like masturbating. Keep us updated!

(I had a vasectomy in 2002. Hasn't affected my sexual function.)

I'd agree with @Eric1964
I had a vasectomy over 20 years ago. Nothing wrong with my function or "amount", unless I've had some sort of recent sexual activity.

Could he be a porn user?

I could be wrong here, but it sounds like you don’t want him to wank and cum on his own….. let him get used to it now he’s had the snip ….. for me, once I got my head around the “no more kids” thing, sex is just great !

I wouldn’t mind if it didn’t impact his ability to have sex so much. But it does.

Perhaps he is a secret porn user. It’s not something he’s open about.

Yes. I think so. It was the tiny amount that made me think so. That and the fact that he kind of struggles if he has had activity prior.

Everybody is different. At 49, I would have been very happy to have had sex more than once in 24 hours. Now I'd be happy with once!

"amount" can vary from ejaculation to ejaculation - it depends on how long since the last one, what you've eaten & drunk, stress etc, so it could be something like that.

Can you talk to him about it?

Could you tell him you're happy if he likes to wank on his own, maybe while he's getting used to his slightly "changed body" but maybe playfully suggest "he saves some for you? .... "

Perhaps he is worried he might still get you pregnant...

This is a possibility.

I had to give a sample after a few weeks, and until I got the all clear. We used protection.

Give the guy a break.
Someone took a scalpel to his genitals about 8 weeks ago.
Maybe he's looked at porn since.
Maybe he's had a wank since.
Maybe he's now realised he's actually a she and is considering gender reasignment.
You only know that one of these things has happend. What effect that has had on his bodily functions, how he feels about himself, or his relationship, is only something youre going discover if you have a non threatening conversation with him.

I would probably guess that from having a small amount of cum that he is masturbating often if you are not having a lot of sexual contact at the moment. It's not clear if he was masturbating before his vasectomy or if this is a new thing but you will know this better and your feelings on him masturbating or not.

I wouldn't think think that getting a vasectomy should change whether he masturbates or not. Officially the medical advice is that nothing should change at all after the procedure, other than no sperm in his cum.

My husband got a vasectomy last year and was told that we should continue to take precautions until the sample check came back negative but also after around 20 ejaculations things should be good and that frequent ejaculations were good to get rid of any left over sperm (assuming the procedure was a success which is why they tell you to wait for the sample to be checked).

My husband masturbated before his vasectomy and still does after. He thinks he does it possibly more now due to feeling up 'build-up' but is not sure if this is a sort of placebo effect or not.

This. Same for me.

Getting your had round it may also include worry about stitches tearing, bits coming apart etc.

We, for better or worse, aren't used to others meddling medically with our bits!