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Trigger warning - sexual assault/rape

6 replies

ForPearlQuoter · 17/06/2025 22:37

Sorry for posting on here but hoping for some kind of advise.

My friends husband raped me.

We were on holiday, a big group of us.
The last night I was ill and didn't go out, the husband came in to check on me after a night drinking.

I was asleep.
The next thing I know he is having sex with me.
I didn't do anything or say anything I just froze.

He muttered sorry at the end and left, I've never seen him since.
The next morning I was flying home and saw my other friends to say bye (including his wife) but he was too hungover to wake up.

Fast forward to back home, I told two close friends and my mum. I went to a rape clinic and gave evidence but chose not to contact the police (they keep my samples for 2 years in case I change my mind)
I've started counselling and trying to come to terms what has happened.

The next stage of my recovery is working out what the hell to do. The wife is a close friend of mine for several years and her husband too (so I thought)

Luckily they live several hours away from me so only meet a handful of times a year.

The husband actually text me when I landed asking if I was OK. I said no as I've been sexually assaulted by you and he replied some huge apology that he 'misread the signs' and doesn't want to lose our friendship.

Firstly.. wtf? I can never ever see him again and can't believe his reaction.

Secondly - I feel like my way of dealing with this is the cut them both out of my life. I don't want to tell the wife but I think that's me more wanting to box it off. I don't know what to do? I wanted some kind of excuse just to never see or speak to them again.

I know I shouldn't. And if someone else was telling me this I would say tell the friend the wife!! But I just can't cope with that. I can't begin to deal with that side of it.

Please help. What should I do?
If I do say something what do I say? I'm going to ruin a marriage, lose a friend and have to do it all over text/call/letter.

Sorry I am just really struggling.

OP posts:
PTown · 17/06/2025 22:44

It sounds like your relationship is over either way with the wife, as you never want to see either of them again. Have you spoken to your therapist about how to tackle the wife situation?

ForPearlQuoter · 17/06/2025 23:04

Yes that's true.
My counsellor is quite middle grounded on it just saying I need to do what's right for me and I can choose when to tackle that step.

Which is right I suppose but I feel that vulnerable at the moment I kind of want someone to tell me what to do. I'm just so stuck with it all

OP posts:
PTown · 18/06/2025 07:00

To be honest, I’d want to know if my DH had raped a passed out woman. Is there a possibility she might text you once you’ve been avoiding them for a while? I would find that easier—replying, rather than reaching out. With a simple, “I don’t want any further contact with your family because on x date at x’s party, I woke up to find that your husband was raping me. Please do not contact me again. (+screenshot of texts between you and him)”

AnonAnonmystery · 18/06/2025 07:36

i would really ask to get this post moved to the relationship board, I think you will get a lot more support on there.
i am really sorry this has happened to you, its horrific:

pinkyredrose · 18/06/2025 20:42

So sorry this has happened to you. You may feel like going to the police in the future but for now take time to look after yourself in whatever form that takes.

jjmm06 · 19/06/2025 21:54

It sounds like you were abroad when the rape happened. It can't be investigated by the UK police as it's not in their jurisdiction

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