Premature ejaculation

[PreemieSteamy]

NC for obvious reasons.

I’ve been married for 20 years to a wonderful man who I love and fancy.

We were both young when we got together and inexperienced.

There are two problems that kind of conflict with our sex life.

the first is that he doesn’t have a super high sex drive, normal id say in that he wants sex every 2-3 days which is fine and I am happy with.

the second problem is that as per the title, he suffers premature ejaculation if we have sex only 2-3x per week.

if we have sex every day, he will often not orgasm every time, will be able to last and all is fine. But if we have sex less often he will come too quickly.

I’ve been on my period so we haven’t had sex in over a week. Had sex last night but he literally came in about 10 seconds with no warning, I’d barely started moving when he told me to stop and came, and because he was trying to hold back it was shit for him and shit for me.

The problems I don’t want to have sex with him every day just because it makes him last longer. I want to be desired. I want him to want me. I want sex to be organic and because we both want to do it, not keep to a schedule so he can last longer. And because he isn’t highly sexed, he’s not interested in masturbating on ‘off days’ and also if he DID do that then he’d want me even less. I can literally tell in his demeanour how long it’s been since he’s ejaculated. So if he masturbated today we wouldn’t have sex tomorrow; and so on. We’d end up in a sexless marriage if he took up masturbating!

Sex last night was shit, he was embarrassed, I told him I was frustrated. I said maybe the answer is having sex more often. And he didn’t really get a lot out of it either. And even though we talked about it and he knows that (and his orgasm was shit), he has barely looked at me today. We’re both off work, the sun is shining, I look good. And he couldn’t be less interested. I know this is normal for him, and something that I like is that someone desires me and wants me, I don’t want sex to be because it’s scheduled. but I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know why I’m posting because I know nobody can really help.

we googled last night what to do about the PE and none of it seems to fit. Squeezing the penis - honestly last night it came out of nowhere. I don’t want to be messing around with numbing gels and all that nonsense.

i just feel a bit stuck. I want my husband to desire me but I want to have sex for as long as want to, which for me isn’t 3 hours of being pounded. Just 10 minutes would be nice. Which it is if we have sex more often but honestly forced sex is such a turn off for me.

anyone with any experience got any suggestions?

I’m absolutely gobsmacked and sad for both of you that this has been ongoing for 20 years and you have not seeker any help

anyhow there are several treatments to help with PE
you can check out numan or boots, Superdrug or Lloyds, all offer treatments with no GP appointments needed , all online - questionnaires need to be filled in - good luck exploring the options

https://onlinedoctor.lloydspharmacy.com/uk/ad/treat-premature-ejaculation?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=18189343108&gbraid=0AAAAApZe_8h-bJGvBFJ5J1lbutpLFhOPd

https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/premature-ejaculation-treatment.html

It does seem rather… unlikely!

Does it?! 🙄

thank you everyone else for your kind messages and assistance.

Maybe also ask your DH to explore a few lifestyle changes- some more aerobic exercise, area specific exercise such as kegels, etc, breathing exercises, (plates, yoga, stretching) & some changes in diet (especially on days when sex might be on the cards) e.g. more leafy greens, clean proteins & complex carbs (less sugar & caffeine).

Also a little alcohol for him might take the edge off him too...

Good luck, ye sound like a nice couple

OP do you have enough ideas want more? Don’t want to type an essay for no reason 😆

@CestLaVieYouSee yes please!

DH a bit like this is in phases
he’s never a long stayer 5-10 mins max
I don’t like it too long I get sore
anyhow if it’s been a while, like a week because of my period
I get him to use durex mutual climax condoms
and masturbate him a bit with it on
then he’s ready to go nicely desensitised
then we’ll either leave it on or take it off for the finish

OP, so I hear what you say about not wanting daily or close to daily sex to keep the wolf from the door! And also if he releases himself often that will lead to less sex.

So I had multiple counselling sessions around this issue and the first thing I was told, be extremely happy you have premature ejection and not delayed ejection PE is almost always something that can be hugely improved upon or even effectively removed, delayed ejection can’t be very hard to improve if at all so take comfort in that!

Do consider using relate for counselling sessions to start with properly him on his own and if going well as a couple, if nothing else you will enjoy the practicing no doubt!

Physically there is all the usual things already mentioned here like diet, stress, time pressure, time elapsed since last let get, using/not using alcohol ect. You have mentioned about not wanting to use delay condoms or spray which is fair enough.

The most successful long term way, but takes lots of effort, practice and time will be ‘holding’ you ejaculation back by using your ‘pe’ or kegal mussels (google it) effectively after much training you will be able to hold your ejaculate back and he will be able to control when he lets go, it’s a powerful skill but is achievable with effort. Once that starts to work he gets the double boost of thinking hello I’m not shooting my load straight away here so that removes massive pressure. PE is probably 70/80% phycological and 20% physical.

The other game changer in the interim is see the GP and explain how down and life affecting it is getting (you may have to play on this a little depending on what GP you have) they will initially want you to try antidepressants as an SSRI as they are cheap and usually have a side effect of delaying ejaculation. That didn’t help me at all so I was then prescribed ‘Prilligy’ or Dapoxotine is its medical name, it is very expensive for the NHS so you may have to push for it and won’t likely get more than 6 tablets a month.

Dapoxotine comes in different mg of strengths but 100% works you can actually perform like a porn star if you wish but that’s not the point of these drugs. How I think it works best it your other half taking one tablet with an ibuprofen (to stop the head spin/dizziness) about an hour before the deed but try not to tell you so there is no extra pressure, you should then notice an immediate difference in length of time to climax and after a few pills over a week or two should really be working well.

The trick is to not want to use them though so he will build confidence anyway and they become a safety blanket you try and not need and only rely upon if there has been a dry spell or you have had a wobble as you will hopefully find over time with improved mental resilience and kegal exercises little to no medication is needed but they are always there if you get really stuck and need a safety blanket before building up confidence again.

Also there is no harm in saying look love I really want to PIV you tonight but I know I’ll be quick as you’re so attractive ….. have good foreplay together where hopefully he makes you cum multiple times, then if it’s over a bit quick not a problem as you have talked about it so pressure off and he can be thinking right Friday night and Saturday night I’ll take a magic pill and we can have some really fun longer sex and then go from there.

Nothing worse then having shit sex as you both don’t talk and both get nothing from it trying to hold back or beat around the bush.

Remember PE is the sexual issue that has a much better likelihood of real improvement over time with effort.

Best of luck, hope this helps!

so.. if you have sex every day he can go longer, but you only want sex every 2-3 days?

I'm sorry but I think you just have to do it every day.

Hmmm. Not sure why either of us should force ourselves to do something neither of us want to do when there are other options to explore.

I hear you OP, and relate completely. We have tried absolutely everything. Delay condoms, delay spray, stop start, squeeze technique, creams, creams and then a thick penis sleeve (which thankfully has been repeated many times). None of them really work for hubby.
The only thing that has ever worked is the tablets (which I think must be the Priligy ones mentioned by someone else. He lasts around maybe 6x times longer, but it's not very good for spontaneous sex as hubby needs to plan and take about an hour before sex. If that would work for you then worth a try?

sorry, I didn't mean it to come across that way. But as it's one of the suggested methods then I thought just worth a try. Then I guess if you found out that after for example 4 days of ejaculation he could go a bit longer, he could always do that on his own in preparation for then being with you.