Very strange afternoon yesterday

[Geil]

Out With DP yesterday afternoon, he had been working, I had been doing things in my house. Met up mid afternoon and were both hungry.
Ended up at a place owned by a gay man that is married. I have known both of them for around 20 years, not close but ex-colleagues and we share close friends.
We ate, had a couple of beers, we laid on the grass just relaxing.
The owner took some photos of DP lying on the grass and said it looked cool and asked for DP’s number to send him the photos. I didn’t think anything of it at the time.
However, DP went to pee and the owner said sorry Geil I have to go too.
DP came back and told me that when he was in the toilet, the owner said that DP made him horny and would we stay for sex.
I just walked off, was a bit shocked. Left my drink on the table. I was ready to walk the 5 miles home alone.
DP came after me, asked me what was wrong. I said I’m not sharing you with anyone, you know that, you know my boundaries. DP said he was interested about knowing what it was like with a man because of anal play we had done together.
We went home and I pegged DP because it’s something we do sometimes together.
I really could not have watched it, I know I would have been so jealous and it would have destroyed me.
DP has said he would never do anything with anyone else without me but I’ve told him that I’m not interested in that. I’d happily have sex with DP with others watching us but never seeing him with someone else.
Now I am scared that DP will go behind my back because this guy has his number. Don’t know what to do. I don’t know whether to contact my acquaintance and tell him his suggestion really upset me.

I think your only option here is to talk to your DH about how you're feeling. It sounds like you're worried this fantasy of being with another guy will lead him to cheat on you. Presumably you already knew that he had this interest, is that right? So if it wasn't for the guy giving him the number would you have worried about this?

Hopefully your DH can reassure you. He was open about what happened, and discussed it with you, so it sounds like you two have a strong relationship in that way. Talk to him xx

Did you know your DP was bisexual? I think for your gay friend to suggest sex there’s something you’ve missed that happened too. Has your DP told you he’s had sex with men before?would that be a dealbreaker?

This I think.

Knowing my DH was turned on by other men, or even curious about the idea, would obviously suggest to me he was bi or gay.

Rightly or wrongly, I can’t feel any attraction towards a man who is sexually attracted to other men.

How do you feel about his interest in this man? Is this something you already knew about him?

Imagine the reverse, few beers and sunny afternoon, a man or couple said they found you really attractive and would love to invite you to join them. You decline, but are flattered and perhaps allow yourself to wonder what it would be like. It's a passing moment of feeling flattered / curious.

A few beers and a bit of flattery have gone to his head yesterday. It's good that he was honest with you and remember he was approached, he hadn't done anything wrong. You should be clear to your husband that while it's fine for him to have curiosity/ fantasies, he's in a monogamous relationship with you and that that anything sexual between him and this guy would be a deal breaker.

Hopefully he gave the guy a clear no, and that will be the end of it. I wouldn't contact the acquaintance, no need to put the idea in his head again and no need to let him know he'd have to do so without your knowledge if he did try again.

If the guy is not respecting that no then it's appropriate to ask your DH to block / delete him.

im the same I’d have to end things I would completely lose all attraction

Your Sunday afternoon was quite different to mine

DP and I talked. He says he hasn’t been with another man before. That he would never cheat on me, that it would be something we explored together.
He has only mentioned it once before, another time I had pegged him, that he’d like a threesome but with him PIV with me and a man in him. But he doesn’t get hard when I peg him so I can’t imagine that would be anything for me.
I know DP watches porn sometimes but don’t know what and have asked if we can watch something together.
It also makes me feel awkward that someone I know came on to my DP and I know the guy’s husband as well. DP isn’t effeminate in any way, he’s a builder and can be a bit touchy touchy with people, but he’s not a Brit and neither is the other guy.
This was all after DP had too many beers and was telling the guy what I naughty girl I was sometimes. But that I was kind and loving.
So maybe scared isn’t the correct word. Uneasy is better.

We are both late 40s. The other guy late 50s.
I feel like I’m to blame, if I hadn’t started the anal play a few years ago would he even feel like he wanted to explore.
The sex from the start was always amazing. I felt free with him, that I could be open. I was with exh for 8 years and then had a partner for almost 20 - partner died and I thought I would just get old alone. Met DP and found a side of myself that I didn’t know existed. I get wet just thinking about him - and we are almost 4 years together and I’m in perimenopause.
I started reading articles about what men like and one evening gently played with his arse while he was inside me. Then I took it a bit further and slipped a finger in.
I don’t even know that he was attracted to the other guy, he was in a really horny mood. We had sex in the back of his van on Saturday before we even got to the restaurant.
And when we got back to my place it was great together and waking up on Sunday again.
just very confused and we can’t have a deep talk as he has his DC.

Thank you for this. You have put it into perspective. I am glad DP was honest with me. DP did say he would not do anything without me there and without my consent.
We both gave a clear no as we left at that time, drinks unfinished.