Lingerie advice

[ThisChirpyCrab]

Bloke here
Going away for a night in hotel . Bought partner some lingerie. Nothing ott it's quite subtle lacy nighty set.
she is always reticent to wear things for me but knows I like it. So does put things in every now and again spontaneously , once a year say. Usually after she has had drink

Advice on how to give it to her the present while we are away please , do I leave it on the side for her, or lay it on the bed while she is in the bathroom . Or give it to her wrapped up

Suggesting she slip into something less comfortable is clearly not an option.

If she's 'reticent' surely you should have asked her before buying lingerie. If she will only do it once she's had a drink- it sounds like she really does not want to 'get up' in lingerie. May I suggest you wrap it back up - no one needs that kind of pressure to perform. . .

I wondered if I may get a response like that. Your quite right.

I thought a trip away as a surprise might be nice. Don't want to pressure her into anything including expectations that may be created by going away.

thanks for the advice I have canceled it

@ThisChirpyCrab Do you mean that you've cancelled the hotel or the idea of lingerie? If it's the hotel, I think you've possibly missed the point of the previous poster. I think you should have kept the hotel and had a lovely relaxing time with your wife without the pressure of her having to pretend to like the lingerie which is, after all, a present to yourself.

Why have you linked the hotel and the lingerie?! Keep the hotel cancel the dressing up (that she doesn’t enjoy)! Then you both have fun 😉

fwiw I love lingerie my partner couldn’t care less. So there’s no way I’d ‘gift’ him me dressed up like that. As it would be a present for me not him!

Too late the whole thing. It was a bad idea. Also I would be thinking about this now about how I was pressuring her into things. It would ruin it.

There is a fine line between spontaneity and pressure to do something that is perhaps best not crossed.

I bought her some expensive perfume last Christmas. She does not wear perfume often. She still does not so it's sat in the wardrobe unopened. It's annoyed me but she should not feel pressure use it.

Not too late- book something else! You only cancelled it last night 😂

And maybe this Xmas ask her for gift ideas so she’s not disappointed!

it seems from your post that “lingerie” and “hotel nights away” are not a usual feature of your relationship with your wife. If these were regular occurrences than you wouldn’t be asking for advise, they would just happen!

All your doing is creating an awkward and uncomfortable situation for you both (especially your wife) and a huge amount of disappointment for yourself.

I like nice lingerie. But for me it has to be both pretty and practical for day to day wear underneath it all. I’m not a multipack knix sort of girl.

l might put something special on for a cosy meal with someone special at home, such as a sheer top sans bra or a topless dress which l wouldn’t or couldn’t wear out.

But for the bedroom, l don’t like restrictions and l like to be naked and free.

l see no reason to cancel the hotel though, just accept it is not a dressing up moment.

You've bought her lingerie and perfume, despite knowing she doesn't like it or doesn't use it. Why are you doing this? The gifts seem to be more for you than her and I suspect she knows it.

^^ 100% this, my partner also likes “dressing up” for bed sometimes, but she does it to make herself feel good not just to impress

as others say , keep the hotel and have a nice time with no expectations and build the relationship

Why not just ask your wife if she fancies a weekend away. You could simply ask her if there is a city she would like to visit if you want to reconnect with your wife you would do better to book something interesting that she would enjoy and leave the sex out if the equation. People generally are more likely to want sex when they are happy and engaged with their partner.

Agent provocateur are all lovely expensive though!!
DH sometimes buys for me with a bit of hint
they have a summer sale on 😉

AP is gorgeous definitely my favourite. I have a couple of sets but it’s not worth spending £££ on for me when he prefers me naked. I do very occasionally treat myself though. Also got a bikini from there that I love

@ThisChirpyCrab Hiya, mate. My wife doesn't like surprises but loves it when I make plans. I think you meant well, and that you love your wife. Tell her you'd like to take her away, and that you'll sort the details, but that you'll let her know where you're going so she knows what to pack. Maybe have something planned for the second night - something simple, flowers, nothing too much. Show her you've thought ahead. If there was a chore that needed doing that weekend, when she mentions it, say, "Don't worry; I've sorted it," so that, when you come back, she can start the week without worries.

Firstly I’d like to say that I would love it if my parter brought my lingerie … the nearest he’s got to it is buying me a Boux avenue voucher. But he does always organise nights away which I still appreciate as a romantic gesture. I was used to my ex H always buying me lingerie so it’s a bit of an adjustment for me to not feel so obviously desired in a pre planned way,

However, if she really doesn’t like lingerie or perfume you are setting yourself up to be upset as well as her being resentful that the “gift” is something you want but not something she does.

By all means book the night away, tell her where you are going so she has time to pack, make a waxing appointment ect. We are all who we are ..: my partner isn’t going to start buying me lingerie and yours isn’t going to start wearing it. Sometimes is about appreciating what you have.

A weekend away is always a “loaded” event if you don’t do it often.

Taking that into account, if my chap was to gift me surprise lingerie too, I’d probably chuck it back at him and go home.
What were you intending to wear OP! A black satin thong?

The fact that she has only worn lingerie after a drink previously doesn’t mean that she doesn’t like doing it though, it may just be that she lacks confidence.

Have you asked her? If it is a confidence thing then reassurance and maybe a voucher so she can buy something herself that doesn’t make her feel too self conscious

‘Sounds to me more like a reality check than a confidence check. It’s not about confidence but her being her own woman and her own choices.

So you've thrown a strop and cancelled the whole thing? Grow the fuck up

Yeah sounds like the whole trip was conditional on the lingerie being worn. I would feel totally… disposable… if I was his partner (and likely end things if I found out).

It sounds like you already have a 'plan' and it feels like both the hotel stay and the 'gift' are both your way of telling her that performance sex is expected! If you are just trying to make sex unavoidable then she will spot that a mile off and not enjoy the trip!

Does she like sex (and just not like lingerie) or would she just prefer a night away without you the sex?