Long time without sex - nerves

[daydreaming25]

I’m looking for advice regarding being nervous about having sex again. I split from my horrible ex husband 4 years ago. During the first year after splitting, I had sex with two guys (not at the same time!) but then decided to concentrate fully on my family and getting myself back to a place where I want to be around a man. My ex wasn’t nice and I think he caused a little trauma for me.

anyway, I haven’t had sex in 3 years. I’ve had opportunities but just wasn’t interested. Sometimes I miss it, sometimes I don’t but I do want to have sex and to try to have a bit of harmless fun while I’m single.

but I’m really nervous. I feel like I’ve forgotten what to do! Also worth noting that I got with my ex husband when I was 16 and he was my first, so I’ve not really had much experience with other men. I’ve got a friend who wants a fwb situation which I think I’m up for but I’m nervous. What if I’m awful?! Do I just go for it?! Help.

Yep! Just go for it. Relax, let him gently hold you and go from there. It’s good to make sure you are aware of each other’s expectations and contraception.

Regardless of the above, condom, condom, condom. Smart women carry condoms.

You ‘think’ you’re up for a FWB situation? If there is any possible chance you would develop feelings for this man if the sex is amazing I would do yourself a favour and say no to avoid the heartbreak!

men seem to see long term single women/mums as an easy source of casual sex. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with having sex not in a relationship but imho if that’s what you’re looking for I would do the choosing to make sure no risk of feelings. And probably have more than one.

But if someone who was my friend said he thought I was good enough for sex but nothing more I’d be quite offended!

I’m not offended at all. When I said ‘friend’ he’s not a close friend or someone I know extremely well. He was a friend of a friend originally who I see around because of our kids doing the same sport. He texts me now and again to say hello or just check in. I have absolutely zero chance of catching feelings for him however, he’s told me several times that he’d like a relationship with me. I’ve told him that’s absolutely not going to happen and he’s said well we’re both single so while not have some fun.

that makes me think that I’m single and have only been with 3 men in my life (I’m late thirties) and I’d like to have some fun. I’m not ready to go out and meet a random guy and have sex with him so this feels like a safer way to start.

is that crazy?

That is well put, it sounds as if the OP wants to carefully put her toe back in the water so to speak. Hopefully with someone she trusts. The situation can mean different things to different people.

I once suggested that 2 or more friendships (l hate the FWB term!) can work better and l got shot down in flames.

I also think more than one FWB is better as it less like a relationship dynamic. I don't see it as problematic at all if both parties are consenting and yes protection is a must!

Agree with both pp. diversify to avoid relationship dynamic and have lots of fun 😉

(Plus think about if he likes you in a relationship type way it could get really really messy if you start sleeping with him… ). Such a killjoy aren’t I 😂 but honestly the last thing you want is any complications for you or him if it’s just meant to be fun!

In terms of “forgetting what to do”, that’s not a bad thing. What is good/bad with one partner may not be the same with another. You know the basics of what goes where etc so as long as you’re relaxed you can just see how it goes.

IME make sure you're on the same page relationship status wise. Save a difficult conversation later on.

As for the physical stuff, there will be a few fumbles as expected but you'll soon get back in the stride. If you're inexperienced then maybe a 2nd friend who will take their time and let you ease your way back to some confidence whilst also showing you how to enjoy the physical experience without pressurising you.

@daydreaming25 He may be as equally out of practice as yourself? Don't feel like that matters, what is important is that you feel able to relax and communicate about eachothers needs and what you enjoy, maybe start with some light sexting exploring your fantasies and desires, maybe then some mutual masturbation? See if you can develop a physical understanding of each other. It's really important you explore your turn ons and turn offs to make sure that you are both sensitive to that.

It took me four years to find Mr Right. Those year for me where empty, I lost my partner and thought that I would end up on the shelf and that sex would be something in the past. I met several nice gentlemen but none who lit my fire and turn me on. Until this year when he turned up. He was single had lost his wife sometime ago. We clicked and the rest is history. Boy was the sex great. We had each other two days after meeting. We both stripped naked within minutes of meeting and I’ve never had sex like it. He used his tongue, fingers and member to pleasure me. He kept making me climax, if this was what sex should be like what had I been missing. I know it won’t last forever but I’ll take it while I can. I would try and keep away from FWB. Go on the dating sites and find your partner. I did and it has been a wonderful experience. After several attempts I’m having the best sex in years, I would say my life. Since meeting we have been on holiday and are planning a further trip to France. Don’t give up I’m sure if you keep looking your Mr Right will appear. Good Luck.

My advice is do it, nothing to lose you’ve told him the situation

I wouldn't worry about forgetting at all, it's more about feeling comfortable with someone and getting that urge to go further. The rest just falls into place.
I'm not sure anyone expects the first time with someone to be amazing as you don't know what the other likes, but that's the point, a bit of fun practice.
Just don't get caught up if you have a FWB set up, always remind yourself of it's purpose and stay in control on your terms.