Maintenance sex?

[messyhouses]

We are both very busy people, 2 grown children, DH 7 years older, I’m 49, I’m what you would call vanilla, he’s got a high sex drive and would like to be more adventurous in bed
We have maintenance sex 3 times a week
he’d love more but I don’t have time or can be arsed
but it’s a fair compromise
Are we boring ?
do other couples do the same ?

Fucking hell, three times a week! He's got nothing to complain about, let me tell you.

For me personally I prefer to only have sex when I’m relaxed and in the mood (or think I will be) and will enjoy it. I just wouldn’t want to force myself unwillingly. Isn’t that what maintenance sex is?

Maybe we can swap OP, I’d love sex three times a week 😂😂.

Hey , maintenance sex, maybe you both need to try and chat openly each others desires and then see if it’s more thrilling…plan sex elsewhere, away from home, doesn’t have to be 3 times a week as long as it’s exciting!! ✊🏿

@Gymbunny2025

I suppose everyone’s definition of maintenance sex is different. I would describe what you are referring to as duty sex which I don’t believe is healthy but then who am I to judge if it is consensual and gets you through a bad patch.

I mentioned maintenance sex on a previous thread and our definition is that kind of nice routine connection sex. Not to long but not a stolen quickie. Maybe same familiar positions. It doesn’t have to be earth moving but it’s not crap either.Orgasms for both parties on the table.

This would be midweek night or maybe a weekend morning when others are in the house. It wouldn’t be a substitute for longer empty house off the bed sessions where we can get some kit out or maybe dress up.

@messyhouses
Are you only having what you define as maintenance sex? Are you actually enjoying the sex you’re having?

3 times a week is maintenance sex? That's nearly every other day!

I would have classed maintenance sex as once a month

DH had erection problems last year , got very down. Went to his GP and was given testosterone. He’s like a clockwork bunny now , I have long periods, I’m not into anything during this time, in fact I don’t feel like anything!!
we have been together a long time, sex is lovely, normally vaginal intercourse, I like when he finishes in me.
i assumed most married couples do this

Surely it’s just sex? Not sure where the maintenance part comes into play?!

Do you think your needs are being met, OP? What would you like to feel from the connection that you & DH have? I know what you mean by maintenance sex but as you described it, it made me think of running the taps on a sink to keep everything flushed through and running 😂
Instead of it being a task to be completed, could you both discuss what you want to get out of sex? Is it closeness & intimacy, is it novelty & playfulness. Our brains like novelty & trying new things sexually often has really good results.
If sex has become a bit of a chore for you, have you considered if your hormones are balanced? Would Testosterone benefit you? (Don't borrow DHs, see the GP!)
I always recommend two people to follow as they are very insightful regarding sex, pleasure & desire.
Hello Jenny Keane does online workshops that you & DH can attend - everyone keeps their clothes on 😉 but many report not watching until the end of the online session as they are too busy trying out some of her suggestions!
The other person is Dr Karen Gurney - The Sex Doctor.
Both have websites & are Instagram.

The Jenny Keane stuff on Instagram is great. She taught me how to enjoy, and I mean REALLY enjoy reverse cowgirl when I always hated it before. I really recommend having a look at her stuff.

I wouldn’t call sex you enjoy “maintenance sex.” It’s just sex isn’t it? He’s very lucky to get three times a week from someone who isn’t too fussed about it. What you’re doing sounds fine to me as long as you’re ok with it?

Agree with others- if you’re enjoying it- it’s just sex! Sex isn’t always (or usually) a 10/10 earth shattering experience! Especially not in a long term relationship

No I agree it’s not earth shattering,
it’s romantic, it brings me and DH together after a serious head fuck from work
and it’s messy ( I sometimes tell him to use condoms)
but overall 😊

You're lucky that you both recognise the power of sex to strengthen your bond. That's worth ten years of marriage.

my wise friend once said he gets asked loads how they seem so happy as a married couple and their secret is just have a lot of sex. I think it's true in general (obviously not for everyone) but I imagine there are a lot of unhappy relationships which lack regular physical contact. I can't imagine there are a high percentage of marriage breakdowns where the couple have a lot of sex. It definitely helps me feel closer and if 'maintenance sex' helps facilitate that, then for me it's a good thing even if worlds aren't being set alight

@messyhouses as long as your both active sexually, you will find times when it’s just standard but on other occasions it can be exhilarating…find different times, places…

like they say…if “you don’t use it, you lose it” …..3 times, or less often more ….keep having fun…..

Maintenance Sex I would describe it as what you do when you can't share a bed and spend a decent amount of time enjoying being with each other. Perhaps when travelling on a long journey or the kids are around. Somehow you sneak off for a quickie. Bending over the kitchen work top or in the garage.
OP you seem to be organising better than that by a long way. Just as long as you both enjoy it, that's what matters.