How did you find your kinks

[mnmnddddd]

Further to the fetishes and kinks thread, I'm curious how MNers have discovered their kinks.
My guess is many have come to them at a partners suggestion, though other threads suggest some go looking for ways to spice things up. But I think most of mine have been discovered either when I've been single or during a sexless marriage. I guess I was frustrated, got bored, stared down the rabbit hole(s), and jumped, all on my own.

TBH I think mine came as a development on some pre-internet very light adult material. So...the usual, and really seedy in retrospect, Daily Sport, for example. That said, I never developed a fixation on a particular type of woman, and found as I grew up a bit it was the imagination, style, confidence that was much more powerful for me than seeing someone doing or dressing in something specific.

Could you give an example of what you mean OP?

I went down on my first GF and immediately became addicted the smell and taste of a woman.

Ever since then I have been a serial "diver".

Boys, if you think liking confident women and oral sex are kinks, I can't help wondering whether it's your DW's that have been posting questions about how to spice up their sex lives. 🤣🤣🤣

I can't delete the post, but if that isn't what you were asking about feel free to disregard it.

We had just turned 18. It was a kink for both of us.

A kink is something that is seen as unconventional. Oral sex is not “vanilla” for everyone so I don’t think there was anything “wrong” with what you said.

I don’t think I have any kinks as such myself. Oh, I do have one that I think could be described as a kink but I won’t describe it for fear of judgement 🤭

Edited to add I won’t dare describe how I discovered it either…

I joined Killing Kittens on the recommendation of a colleague. Chatted with others in the newbies chat group. Went to a few KK parties which were a huge eye opener. Made lots of friends. Got invited to private group meets.

I think I had a touch of ‘frenzy’ and wanted to try everything all at once. So I spent a huge amount of time talking to people about BDSM and kinks. I attended webinars and workshops, and read books. I wanted to be educated and informed about my choices.

I was introduced to trustworthy play partners so I got to try out everything from shibari to impact play, water sports to needle play. The things I enjoyed I repeated. I met my partner and navigated ethical non-monogamy together. I found local rope jams where I could nerd out with other rope bunnies. Discovered Fox and Badge, Torture Garden and Klub Verboten events. Broadened my social circle. Spent a fortune on latex and Honey Birdette.

It’s no different to any other hobby… 😂

After a heart to heart

I was recovering from a long term illness and off work for over six months. In short a college came to check on me and ask if there was anything he could do for me. I’d never previously given him a second thought at work, I’d assumed, wrongly with other girls in the office, he was probably gay due to his slightly effeminate nature and no partner. Over the next few weeks there wasn’t enough he could do for me, he seemed to love me bossing him around and giving him jobs to do and I was starting to enjoy being in control. 😈

@Angela59 To what extent was that a kink? I feel that, by definition, a kink has to have a sexual element? Were you or he sexually aroused by controlling his behaviour or were your instructions sexual in nature?

We’re still learning about our kinks which I think is wonderful. In my opinion a huge part is being comfortable enough with the person you’re with to talk talk talk.

he introduced me to BDSM after we met. Once tried I liked it. I then opened up about my turn ons and so we progressed.

I don’t understand the expectation that everyone should have a ‘kink’

There was no assumption behind the question that everyone should. By definition, if everyone had kinks and fetishes, they wouldn't be kinks and fetishes, they would be vanilla(s).
I was just curious about how those who do have kinks came to them.

Equally, there was no judgement implied of those who don't. That's fine. Not everyone likes milk in their coffee and I see sex with or without kinks as no different.

yes, sorry, my comment wasn’t targeted at you and your post - it was more a general comment that ‘kinks’ seem to be a ‘thing’ these days.

I agree @AbigailBand being vanilla is considered dull?!

Is that the reality? I'm pretty sure the Old Testament discusses sodomy, The Marquis de Sade died more than 100 years ago and I learned recently that Lord Lucan was a a rubberist, and he went missing 50yrs ago. I think kink has probably always been around. It's just that what's considered kinky has got more relaxed and (western?) society has got a bit less judgemental about what people enjoy.

my point is that there is an expectation to have a kink these days, not that it’s something new

One of my big ones is pregnant women..as a father of 4 I got plenty of chances to explore that one. Others I have i just found through partners and trying new things.

Hmmmm difficult one to answer.
Hes my best friend, my rock. It was his idea to enter chastity and hand me the key
We’re 99% platonic although he dotes on me I see others and that appears to be his kink
Theres no obligations either way we don’t live together but spend a lot of time together and occasional hols.