Only 1 partner

[ThisFirmFox]

I’ve only been with my husband and it’s eating me alive! I must preface this with we have amazing sex so no complaints BUT I am extremely sexual and I feel I have never had the opportunity to explore because i was a ‘good girl’. I thought about breaking up with him several times when i was younger and my head was turned, but i was never brave enough because i had such low confidence but equally high standards! And he was and is so wholesome! But I am just so bored - I would LOVE to explore sex clubs or something but he is so not into it. I genuinely think I could easily be poly/ in an open relationship with zero issues. My desire to explore outside of my marriage I think is in part because I regret so much about wasting so many opportunities when I was younger. And I hate to say it but physically I’m less and less into his body. He’s the same height as me which I have always disliked, but basically I was told to not be so shallow! Anytime I raised anything i struggled with I felt I was being told to shut up and not be stupid. It’s now all coming to a head because I wasn’t true to myself because I didn’t feel like I was allowed to to be. Anyway looking for anyone who has been in a similar situation - I know the grass isn’t greener but I am just fed up of feeling like this!

How old are you? It could be hormones. I was like this for a good five years, between the ages of 40-45.

You say you have "amazing sex" with him so you're obviously not upset with what he's offering you, sts. Therefore I don't think you NEED other partners.
Personally I've fooled around with goodness knows how many (well actually I DO know how many) but it hasn't provided me with a life I'd recommend.
I know it's corny to say "if it ain't broke, don't mend it", but that would seem to be relevant. If you really are having "amazing sex", believe me you're lucky!

Is it more that you want to feel lusted after and desired again? And to be desperate to get your hands on your partner? Those sparks that happen right at the start? I’m just wondering if that’s something you can work on with your husband? Join a gym/dates/lingeries etc.

do you have any friends that do OLD? Because a scroll through the single men available if you were dating should bring you back down to earth with a bump!

if there’s a specific man who has turned your head I would tread very carefully. Your husband and sex life sound wonderful!

believe me, the grass is not always greener

I think it is hormonal too perhaps! I’ve been having limerence about an old flatmate (nearly happened but he turned out to be a serial cheat so lucky escape) and have just started oestrogen gel. I’m 38 - had kids just getting me back! I would never cheat on my husband in a million years I’m just mourning the experiences I never had I suppose!

Also I do feel lusted after but I definitely don’t lust after him. He’s handsome enough but I don’t physically want to rip his clothes off! Sadly!

How often does DH compliment you , you say sex is amazing but you desire more , does DH put your sexual pleasure n desires as a priority or it stops once he orgasms?

No he is firmly a my pleasure first guy and genuinely i orgasm multiple times every time. He does compliment me. Maybe it’s a mental attraction thing for me- I don’t feel like we have many interesting conversations and never have had really. Maybe that’s what’s annoying me the lack of mental stimulation and banter

Part of sexual enjoyment is mental stimulation I agree, exciting your inner desires 👍🏿
im assuming DH is reserved type, finds it difficult to chat openly about desires etc.

Hi,

The problem with mourning the experiences you never had is that you tend to picture those experiences as always good. You probably fantasise about every missed sexual experience being as some intense, sweaty, ming blowing experience. And yes, while you probably would have missed out on some good sex with other people, I’m guessing you haven’t spent much time picturing all the bad sex you would have also had. All the disappointing experiences with men that didn’t know what he was doing, premature or just had a small dick. The fact that you only pictured the good experiences has probably given you a slightly warped expectation of what you missed out on.

You mentioned your hormones and while that may be a factor in what you’re feeling it also sounds like it’s also founded in some very real issues that have been there all along.

You mentioned your husbands height being an issue. Do you think that maybe he would be willing to wear shows that could give him a little extra height?
Has he kept is figure?
Have you kept yours?

You said that you don’t want to physically rip his clothes off anymore but thats normal after years of marriage. It takes effort on both sides to maintain any kind of chemistry. You can’t always expect him to be the one that initiates. Have you tried new things (places, toys, etc ) with him or is every time just the same thing over and over?

In my experience most men are pretty open to exploring new things sexually if you approach it the right way.
If you take it from the approach of blaming him saying “Im not attracted to you anymore and its your fault……” then that will cause a lot of problems.
But if you say, “I love you but I was thinking that maybe we can try something different” then he would probably be open to it.

DW is my only sexual partner, I’m not hers. I definitely feel at times that I’ve really missed out, just knowing what it would feel like with another woman, is it different with each partner, do they taste, smell different etc, sympathise with how you feel

Yes lucky in so many ways but I am just longing for novelty!

Variety is the spice of life ✊🏿