Is he faking it?

[everythingwillbewonderfulsomeday]

Bit of a niche question. My husband is the only person I’ve had sex with, so I’ve got limited experience - and recently I’ve started to wonder if he’s faking orgasms.

I only get “leakage” around 1 out of every 5 times we have sex - is not leaking normal (I had it every time until recently)? I don’t really mind, but (not surprisingly) would like him to be honest with me - and I’m worried he’s not being.

Leakage?

From semen, after sex - from my vagina. Sorry, realise could have been a lot more clear!

It was obvious what you meant, don’t worry OP. Sometimes there’s lots of er..evidence, and sometimes there’s nothing. Have you talked to him at all? Just to see how he feels about your sex life? It might put your mind at rest.

It's possible he's faking them. My DH did that sometimes when he started having problems in bed. He'd start to lose his erection and rather than admit it was happening, he's pretend he'd finished and quickly come out. But it was always obvious to me, not so much because of the lack of leakage (he was never a heavy cummer anyway) but because I could feel him going soft inside me before he came out. No man can ejaculate with a soft penis (as far as I know).
Does he feel hard when he's "cumming"? It would be weird if he stopped when he was still aroused, I've never known a man to do that.
It's also possible his volume has reduced with age, or maybe he's masturbating more, so there's not much left.
Tricky conversation to have though. Maybe as MsDDxx suggested it's best to have a generic conversation about your sex life and try to gauge how happy (or not) he is.

A few men climax without semen being released but this is rare. Definitely possible though that he is one of these.

Thanks! I have tried to speak to him - and in many ways there’s nothing wrong, but I’m starting to doubt if he’s actually climaxing (& don’t like the possible dishonesty). I’ll try and have a chat with him again - but wanted to know if it was likely he’s faking something. Which it seems he possibly is.

This is possible - I’m not sure I’ve noticed him doing this, but he does sometimes go soft and pull out. Which I’m fine with (there are other ways to end it!), but would rather that than the alternative. There are definitely some possible ED issues - I think I’m going to need to talk to him, but suspect won’t be an easy conversation!

It certainly doesn’t sound right. For me I always have “leakage” as you describe it and always need to wipe, and usually get a residue in my knickers even some time later (sorry for tmi) if we had morning sex. Having nothing would set alarm bells ringing for me he is faking it and I must admit I love the feeling of what was inside of me as a result of his orgasm…if that makes sense.

Sounds like you have started the chat but I would definately suspect an issue as well

No it won't, very tricky. Here if you need any help, I've has plenty of experience of this sadly.

Ok so, firstly, @GlasGal83 a man can ejaculate and orgasm with a soft penis. A soft penis is obviously not useful for intercourse but as long as it is being stimulated a soft penis can absolutely ejaculate.

secondly, there are one of two possible scenarios - 1) he is faking it - I don’t have a vagina so I can’t comment from first hand experience but when a man orgasms the penis throbs and you should be able to feel it throbbing inside you.

2. he has retrograde ejaculation - I have this and I don’t produce any ejaculate at all.

A simple way to prove either option would be to get him to orgasm with a handjob. You will then be able to physically see what comes out and you should also be able to tell more easily if his penis throbs when he ‘orgasms’

if it’s not to do with RE or ED, it may be because he
Is worried about getting you pregnant maybe?

Hi, an honest open chat is needed, it’s clear DH is struggling with ED but is embarrassed to admit.you are understanding soul, I’m sure he will open up his issues, I’m assuming your libido is on up as DH declines?✊🏿

Good luck - I hope it can be resolved one way or another.

There have been previous threads on this where others have reported the same thing - there’s been no evidence following and that was normal for them so don’t worry too much but a talk would definitely be good.

At the risk of TMI myself, the last time I had sex with my DH I know he finished - I could feel the throbbing as someone mentioned above. There was no evidence afterwards on that occasion.

Sometimes there’s nothing and sometimes there is for us - we have an amazing time in bed and he always tells me if he’s not going to finish, so need to fake it.

Good luck.

I stand corrected on soft penis ejaculation, a quick Google confirms it's a thing. I was only talking from my personal experience.
The theory about retrograde ejaculation is a valid one, since this is something than can happen later in life due to various factors. Again I had to Google this - I have learned a few things today.
What I can say for sure from personal experience is that not every penis throbs during ejaculation, at least not to a degree that's always detectable. I've had a few different partners and I've not always felt them throb, but they definitely ejaculated. I guess the OP could try and grip during his orgasm to try and feel it, but if she's going to do that, she might as well just ask. Awkward as the conversation may be, it has to be the starting point.

Thanks! No issues with ejaculation if it’s a hand or blow job. Think I’ll have to ask - can’t say I’ve noticed any throbbing - but that’s varied with other partners, so don’t think in itself it’s much indication.

I wonder whether he's doing what one of my exes did, pretending he's finished when it's obvious he hasn't - partly because he's embarrassed about not maintaining a "stiffie", partly because he doesn't want to claim that YOU aren't providing him with one!

Also, could he have masturbated some time before sex which will reduce the volume of the second load so to speak, so you are less likely to notice anything coming back out?

And yes, as someone mentioned above, you can’t rely on the “throbbing” thing because you can’t always feel it - sometimes I can but not always. It usually depends on what position we’re in.

@MsDDxx I can sense a tighter grip , makes me throb and girthy just before my explosion…I’m sensing like you have that he struggling to maintain a solid erection?

Yes, I think this is the most likely scenario. It’s clear a difficult conversation is needed - not the most fun, but think it’s necessary. Whilst it’s tricky, mismatched libidos I can cope with (just!), but deception is another thing.

Hi, sorry, I’m not sure what you mean? My DH doesn’t have any erection issues. He always gets harder just before he comes. Am I missing something 😂?

@MsDDxx thats right, you feel him get harder, so you feel tighter grip on his cock, that’s when you can sense he is ready to explode and if like me you can time it at same time as DP then it’s even more exhilarating 👍🏿

Oh yes, we timed it perfectly last time we had sex - it doesn’t happen every time but it’s amazing when it does.

How old is he , and how often are you having sex and has he had a psa / internal check recently?

as a slightly older man - getting to orgasm can be an issue is sex is regular ( say daily) , and sometimes orgasms can be dry.

also he might just be faking it if he feels he is not going to get to orgasm or starts to loose his erection for any reason ( but he won’t admit to this )

Yes, I was going to say the regularity could be affecting things. My partner and I sometimes do it two or three times a day (we don't live together yet, doubtless it'll slow down 😅) and it definitely takes a while for things to replenish, so to speak...so the first time there will be a lot of "evidence" but it'll be say 24 hours before that's the case again. From what he says, the dry orgasms are different but satisfying in their own way.

(M, 55) here for some perspective…

I’ve found I don’t always cum; in fact, I would say 3/5 times I’ll cum - but I don’t have erection problems at all (yet!). I am absolutely comfortable with it and after a while, once I realise it’s not gonna happen, I subtly mention it to DW and we both slow down and lie back to relax. She’s usually feeling like she’s not satisfied me, but I reassure her it’s not that she’s not sexy (she is), it’s just an age thing.

Why don’t I cum? Sometimes my cock head is not as sensitive; sometimes DW initiated and I am not feeling it but happy to oblige; sometimes we’ve been at it for too long and I’ve become tired; sometimes she’s not as wet as before (usually after orgasming).

Sometimes, after chatting for a while, we start again and I cum within a few strokes.

The fact he comes from manual stim suggests to me he needs more friction. Perhaps, like me, he has become less sensitive?

But he defo needs to be honest about it if he’s not feeling it. I imagine it’s more common than not.

You first post says he's the only person you've had sex with?