Partner has lost interest in sex

[Caz861]

This is embarrassing, but how do I spice things up with my partner? We have been together 15 years and he has lost all interest in sex. He is 49 and the Dr has said it comes with age as men lose their testosterone.

When we first met sex was never a problem, I am 8 years younger and have a very high sex drive, how can we revamp / rejuvenate our sex life? It’s like my partner has lost confidence and it’s awkward for him (and me) when we do have sex.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? It’s driving me mad.

It’s finding what floats his boat and men can be reluctant to give out this info sometimes for fear of ridicule.
I worked in the escort/massage industry for years and heard just about everything.
I often would say after carrying out some “circus act” why don’t you tell your wife/partner,
She wouldn’t understand!

HOW DO YOU KNOW!!!!!

But you rather risk your family, home, job, reputation by bunging me a few quid!!

Find his thing luvvie easier said than done I appreciate xx

I have asked him this, what his fantasies / turn ons are etc and he says he doesn’t really have any or can’t think of any…..I have suggested dressing up, using toys etc but again I feel like he thinks this is all stupid.

It’s starting to affect my confidence and I am looking for attention elsewhere just to feel wanted, I would never cheat but I do want to feel desired and wanted.

@Caz861 your reaction to this is understandable, the only way you fix this is with very honest open communication with him. You may be ready for that he might not. He also may just not feel that way. Therefore you might have to manage your needs yourself or be prepared to walk away sadly. There are no easy fixes here. Completely appreciate how you feel and wish you luck.

I think you are being slightly unfair to try and get him to have sex he possibly doesn’t want.

equally unfair to expect you to be celibate , some difficult choices to be made by both of you
you may have to prepared to end the relationship for the benefit of both of you

he's lost all interest in sex and the doctor said this was normal at 49?! Were you actually there to hear the dr say that?

do you have children together? I agree with @BeEagerTurtlethere may be some difficult decisions to make. Especially if he won’t discuss where he is at with it.

Your doctor is wrong! I'm 62, and definitely haven't lost interest in sex!

Yes, men over 40 can suffer from ED, but that doesn't seem to be what's happening here.

Is he intimate in other ways? Does he hug / kiss / cuddle you?

Lots of things can cause a person to loose interest in sex, is he stressed? Has he put on weight? Has this been a sudden change, or did it happen over a period of time? Can you pin-point when it started? Has anything in your relationship / life changed? Do you know if he still masturbates? Does he watch porn?

Would he be prepared to talk to HIS doctor, and get get his Testosterone checked? (although GP's aren't always great with this - you may want to consider going private)

I second the open and honest conversation. Sex is obviously important to you, and you need to let him know that.

Did the doctor really say that?

Testosterone does decline with age , a simple blood test can verify that.

but lots of other factors can affect libido as well, health, relationship status, stress, medication, mental health , loads of things can switch off sex drive

@Caz861 try not to pressurise him too much…has there been some stresses in his life recently or in both of yiurs?workwise, home family etc that may have started the problem…DH does not see sex as a priority in yiur relationship but I’m sensing your libido has intensified as DH has declined,, to the point where you’re questioning if it’s your the problem? No…DH has to be frank and open, , how awkward has it become when you have both tried ?what’s happened?
youve said you’re seeking attention elsewhere…in what ways have you noticed you’re getting attention? ✊🏿

You can get testosterone gel also, no bother from the GP. Are you sure the doctor actually said this to him? 49 is young!!!