Partner slept with an escort 😔

[Mamabear425]

I am absolutely in pieces, I’ve just found out my partner of 10 years has recently slept with an escort. How on earth do people cope with this level of betrayal. I feel absolutely sick to my stomach

I was making a hilarious gag about using a Barbie Doll as a last resort wank aid.

I should have said 2nd Class Stamp.... That would have been funnier.

Yeah.

Mind you, not sure a 2nd class stamp works now we have a King instead of a Queen. 🤔

Careful sunshine your misogyny is showing.

You want me to post screenshots to the threads that were banned?….that would get me deleted, in the same way you were, because mumsnet decided the threads and content was not appropriate for their site.

How very convenient for you.

Maybe just refrain from badmouthing people on the back of unsubstantiated assertion. Hmm?

I remember that you started one of the threads too, and as the pp said, it’s all still on other sites to see. When it all descended into rows on site stuff, you were on their too. I suppose at least you have been ‘brave’ enough to keep your username, unlike others, but posting styles do give people away even when they change usernames.

I remember. I remember about half a dozen other usernames that were very frequent posters at that time defending the sex chat hook up thread. It was a real low point.

OP, I hope you are ok and have found support in real life or elsewhere on mumsnet. 💐

At the risk of further derailing this thread and with apologies to those who have no interest in this matter:

I have never denied being an active and regular poster on the various threads in the former Sex Chat topic. I was on there virtually from the start and was there at the finish. I also defended the topic on many occasions from a lot of the badly informed or simply incorrect things that were said against it and I would continue to do so now if it were still in existence. As I've said above, I never at any time used it for the purposes of hooking up with other people as I had no interest in doing so - and although it is not possible to prove these things categorically one way or the other it is my belief that the majority of posters on the Sex Chat didn't either, generally using it just for the purposes of light hearted fantasy exchanges (similar to what one might find on the less unsavoury parts of Literotica) It's undeniable that some would have met up of course - and possibly continue to do so - but the total knobheads of the kind characterised in one of the posts above were regularly given very short shift (or simply ignored) on the threads and several were removed from the site entirely.

When one of the early sex chat threads suddenly disappeared I subsequently started a new thread in the Sex section of the site, the purpose of which was to establish the purpose of the sex chat's sudden removal. It eventually transpired that this was done in error and MNHQ not only reinstated the sex chat thread but did so with the exhortation to users to "Go to it", and with accompanying aubergine emojis....

@everywhichway

You started one of the sex chat hook up threads, where people were openly looking to cheat, not the first one but one of the other ones. You can pretend your intention was to discuss the removal of the previous one, but you know it turned into the next sex hook up thread and would have known that is the way it would go.

Eventually mumsnet said they didn’t want to host that sort of thread after listening to its users and so it was removed, so they obviously realised their comment saying "Go to it", with accompanying aubergine emojis was a mistake.

On site stuff, you asked a woman to suggest other sites that users should use for this sort of thing, which made that woman and others feel uncomfortable. I was one of them and remember you and your comments at the time very well. I don’t like men that make women feel uncomfortable.

I have nothing further to add on this subject.

Theres plenty that could be added, but I wouldn’t want to draw further attention to it if I was you either. Lots of us here won’t forget how those threads brought yet more pervs here and how many women said they wouldn’t feel comfortable using the sex board anymore, if they ever had been before. On a predominantly women’s forum, it’s a shame so many men mis use the site for wank fodder.

I remember it all as well @FiveDinnerFelix and @TakeTheLongWay. Pervy men ruin this board and mumsnet made the right decision in the end about those threads. When so many posters here are dealing with cheating partners and all the consequences of that or are vulnerable for other reasons, it was never right that mumsnet hosted a thread like that.

Hoping OP is getting help and support.

This is a very accurate observation; been here nearly 15 years and totally agree with you.

I became "involved" with a man from the Sex Chat thread. Yes, he was married and yes, I'm aware of how shitty that makes me. Yes, if I was in his wifes position I'd be distraught. We talked practically every day for over 2 years. I became very emotionally involved. Way too emotionally involved. In some ways I found myself becoming someone I didn't know. I became somewhat neglectful of my own life and the people in it. He didn't. He didn't sacrifice his family time for me. Ofcourse he didn't/couldn't. Ofcourse, he's not to blame for me neglecting my life - that's on me, that's my fault.

Strangely, I'm not daft, I know it wasn't real. I wasn't hoping he'd leave his wife. There was never any chance of us meeting IRL. But emotionally I became so invested. Invested in a man who could never be invested in me. I still wanted to believe the "I love yous".

But karma kicks you in the ass and now I have to live with feeling like I don't know who I am anymore. I have to live knowing I put him above myself and others.

There are 2 issues here. One, he cheated. Two, the ethics of using escorts. You don’t need to get into the second one to be frank if, like me, you see the first as a deal breaker. End it now. Never mind how he sees escorts or how he views women, he saw the chance to cheat and took it. Chances are it’s not a one off too.

Please forgive yourself. I'm not suggesting you did nothing wrong but I'm sure you never set out to hurt anyone and all you did was put your love in the wrong place. I'm sorry you got messed around and I reckon you need to give yourself a bit of kindness!

I did actually care about him, even though I completely disagreed with his view on women and sex and relationships.

I'm just angry with myself for listening to the bullshit for so long. He actually told me that he would never ask me anything about myself as a) he didn't want to pry and b) he didn't know what to ask. He didn't seem to have any problems asking me anything sexual though!

He's still here, maybe messaging someone else telling them how amazing they are and how shit his wife is. Getting on with his life. Not a care in the world.

Well, it's humiliating when we're taken in like that, but the alternative is being a person who doesn't give a shit about other people. Would you really prefer to be that person? The only way to be completely invulnerable is not to care, ever.

I hope I'm not sounding like a free counsellor but I feel for you, because I know it must have hurt.

but the alternative is being a person who doesn't give a shit about other people. Would you really prefer to be that person? - @Catullus5 - yes, I would very much prefer to be that person.

@AtYourPleasure I hope you'll feel differently in time. Chatting online can be disorientating, and it's a shame this happened to you and that it gave you such a knock.

@Catullus5 "He's still here, maybe messaging someone else telling them how amazing they are and how shit his wife is. Getting on with his life. Not a care in the world." - I know noone is really interested but he's a tad annoyed by this comment. I ended things with him and that made it sound like I was the one who was hard done by. He is ofcourse free to do as he wishes.

I think you should try not to give that any thought. What good does it do you?

You have not given any details. A happily married man is not going to go to an escort. There are obviously problems in the relationship. What did he say when you confronted him? Why do you think he did it?