Hate when my husband tries to be intimate

[Mumtogirlsx]

Hi

I'm looking for some help. I do love my husband we have been together for over 18 years. When he is gone I can't wait to see him. We do literally everything together and get on amazing. At night I love lying on his chest. This is as far as I want it to go though. I don't want to he kissing, hate being kissed in my neck I flinch every time he starts touching my body sensually. I find him attractive to look at. I just don't know what to do. I want to he with him but it isn't fair on him. I'm not interested in pleasuring myself either. I do force myself to have sex with him most days but I really don't think it's healthy. I'm feeling lost and dreading bed time and mornings. Any help would be good.

Have you always felt this way about sex with him or is this a new thing? How old are your children?

it sounds like there is hope but currently your libido is low. You can get that back though! But not easy if you are having sex with him every day!! I’d start by talking to him and explain that you are in a bit of a dip and need a bit of alone time (both to not be a mum- do you have that? And to re discover your sexuality again, through fantasy, erotic literature whatever)

good luck

@Mumtogirlsx its okay if you both feel like that. But it’s not fair on you to force yourself - that’s coercive if he’s manipulating you - it not is it fair for him to not be in an intimate relationship. How old are the kids? Has it been this way for a long time? Did something cause this (such as infidelity or other loss of trust?). Relationships and people change as they progress.

No. I used to love having sex. My oldest is 17 and the youngest is 3. I couldn't even imagine having sex with someone else. I have told him I feel like I have a low drive at the moment I've feeling like this around a year. I did get s coil fitted which I have thought could be adding to it but I don't know. I just want to feel good about sex with him again. I do see him checking out other people and it annoys me. He does it right infront of me and I don't even mean a quick glance which I would expect. Maybe that could be getting to me deep down.

Thanks for thr replies also x

I’m sorry you feel like this @Mumtogirlsx - it must be horrible for both of you.

if he isn’t getting any intimacy with you, and he is an otherwise good husband, then you shouldn’t blame him for ‘checking out’ other people, it’s pretty normal and I’m sure he won’t be checking them out in the way you think he might be so don’t feel bad about that.

You need to work through this together, by the sounds of things it won’t work itself out by itself, neither of you signed up to a sexless marriage, and if you continue down this path it might change from a sexless marriage, but unfortunately the sex might not be with you.

A common side effect of the Mirena coil is decrease in libido. I have virtually no libido whilst on hormonal contraception. So it could be that?

Totally agree. Also could you be peri?

If you have totally lost interest or are flinching at your husband touching you, that is worrying. While you shouldn't do anything that feels comfortable to you, it is important that you communicate your feelings with your husband. Sex therapy might be a good idea to uncover the issues.

The decreased libido is one reason why it's so effective as a contraception - can't get pregnant if you aren't having sex!

Peri has had the exact opposite effect for me - I can’t get enough. I wake up thinking about sex. It’s a curse, honestly 😂

I’ve never read this about Mirena. There has been research on this, and it was found in an admittedly small sample that Mirena increased sexual desire and arousal compared to other IUDs and no contraception. I’m surprised two of you have mentioned decreased libido. It’s really not one of the reasons Mirena is an effective form of contraception!

It’s progesterone isn’t it? That has an awful affect on my libido! Although never had a mirena. All hormonal contraceptives do tbf

Stop 'forcing yourself' to have sex with him, right now. It will be making things massively worse. and every day? His expectations are mad. If you find you are scared of the consequences of stopping then you have a much wider problem here.

You might be in perimenopause. Hrt can help