Am I the problem with our sex life

[Quite1996]

I'm a mother of 3, I stay at home and do everything bar a physical job, my husband will sometimes help for 5 10 mins with odd jobs like dishes or putting the kids pjs on. I have to "nag" for help if I want it. (He has a job 9 to 5)

Recently we've had issues with sex i opened up about a few things I had watched and he was intrigued but then I felt he was pushing too hard on certain scenarios and our whole sex life got even harder because I was uncomfortable and if I brought that up he would say "but you said you watched it and you liked it" i explain i may have watched one video but im not that invested in it and he would say im changing my mind and being closed off.

Anyway we had a huge blow out last night he had me up to 5am trying to get him off as he refused fo finish at the same time as me, so that I could get him off (took 3 hours, i up from 6am everyday, so no consideration for the fact i had to get up the next hour). He spoke to me in the morning saying he doesnt want to do anything sexual anymore because im too closed off to normal sexual things like anal (this has been a theme for years) I hate anal and do not consider it normal sex at all. But he says I'm too closed off even though we have been trying loads of new things, but I've lost interest in some of it and loved other things but as soon as I've said I'm not really into this or I'm not sure how I feel about this he says I'm closed off.

Am I going crazy or is this just too much pressure for a sex life. I don't feel like I can say I don't like things without negative feelings coming up on someone's end and then I start blaming myself. I feel like I cant change my mind because I'm punishing him or something (to note we've been together for 10 years he's the only man I've been with). I don't mind trying new things but I feel like there's a pressure to like it, even if i don't.

I do feel a real disconnect with him outside the bedroom which is contributing to my lesser libido as I don't feel valued, he's always on his phone, playing games or doing stuff for himself I feel like he doesn't even see me

It's alot,

Mutual sexual pleasures is enthralling, but I’m sensing it’s all DP way or no way….you are feeling no enjoyment from your experiences, he appears selfish and now destroying yiur self esteem slowly to get his own way…stick to your guns…YIU saidyou confided in him about a desire?

He is awful; no wonder you don’t want to have sex with him. This is absolutely not what a normal healthy sex life looks like. I’m so sorry he’s being so selfish.

Personally, I wouldn’t be able to stay with such a man, as I doubt he will change.

Yes, I had shown a little interest in threesomes but once we talked about it more and I thought about I just wasn't open to it but for ages all he could get off to is stories of me in a threesome or threesome porn (even though he said he wasn't that into it either) but once I shared that I didn't want that it was me changing my mind and closing him off to my sexual stuff, I also recently stopped watching things (lack of interest, possibly because I was already doing anything i would see) as we had tried some new stuff that I enjoyed. But I stopped watching after telling him what I watched and now he associates the fact I stopped watching with the fact that we were speaking more about it

(M here)

The ladies are giving you all the advice you need, I just wanted to give you a 🫂.
We men can be complete nobs can’t we….

I've never been able to fathom why men cannot understand that being attractive outside of the bedroom is as important as it is within the bedroom.
And being unable to respect each other's sexual boundaries is one of the most unattractive traits a man displays when it comes to intimacy.

Wait, you spent THREE hours getting him off?!! How is that even possible?

I’d agree with him, and say you don’t want sex with him either and you’ll find someone else who is more sexually compatible and takes your needs into consideration.

play him at his own game….

It’s rather disturbing that he’s trying to get you to re-enact porn videos. Just because you’ve seen something on porn, it doesn’t mean that you have to do it yourself, nor does it mean that you’re “closed off”. This is manipulative. Perhaps you need to say, “I am not a pornstar.” On repeat.

@Quite1996 Agree with the above poster, it sounds like he is trying to coerce you into sexual acts you don't enjoy (anal) and trying to strong arm you into living out fantasies rather than allowing them to be fantasies.
If he is taking a long time to get off that suggests he might have a porn addiction - maybe that is why he is always on the phone, and wanting more varied sex.
Ultimately the key here is that he has disassociated sex from loving relationship behaviour. Caring for your well being, helping around the house and supporting your role in the relationship I am sure you would want sex with him a lot more if he made you feel better as a person. However what he is doing is destroying your self esteem and coercing you. It is awful that you are in this situation, and I say this as a guy.

Come on mate, have some self-respect. Rein it in son. All good to give support, but don’t self-depricate on behalf of the whole male contingent. (M here too). It’s more useful to explicitly respond to the content of the OP’s post.

That’s a “typical” male response 😉😁😂
….. get in touch with your feminine side butch 😉

I think you should repost this on the relationship board. He sounds like he may be abusive. You don’t currently work. You will get loads of good advice on that board. It sounds like you need to divorce him

Man here. Ye doesn’t seem very caring or very smart. Use it in your favour. Show him the strap on dildos online and ask him to choose - as he wants an anal weekend you’ll both get one, with him going first.. This should get him to pipe down