I don’t know what just happened.

[Bengal233]

Hello everyone,
Just wanted some advice really. I came out of a long term relationship of 15 years at Christmas ( I got left for a woman at soon to be ex husbands work)
Anyway my friends encouraged me to join dating apps which I did. A few weeks ago I got a message from my mums neighbour, he’s 38 asking what I was doing on here etc ( he separated from his wife 2 years ago) I explained and we got chatting, he said he wasn’t looking for a relationship and I said I don’t think I was either but just wanting to see if I could find a connection with someone. We exchanged numbers and text alot, very flirty messages. We met a couple of times and there were mainly lots of kisses etc. carried on messaging and we agreed to it kind of being friends with benefits but we wouldn’t see anyone else.
We met Friday, and had sex if you could call it that. It was all over very quickly and I had a drink because I felt really nervous with him being my first in so many years married. Since Friday his whole manor has changed towards me, I’ve messaged first and he’s briefly messaged back. I said I’m getting the impression it was a one night stand he said not at all and Friday was all abit of a blur and a mad evening. I then said about having a redo of Friday night as it was all chaotic when I first got round he had to go out as his nan had a fall then he messaged when he got back and I went back round and that’s when the sex happened and he messaged back saying he will struggle this week as he is going to be moving house, which is true. Now I don’t know what to do, all the flirty messages have stopped and the wanting to see me.
I feel like I’ve made myself look a complete slag, I knew it wasn’t a relationship but I thought we were seeing each other and not seeing anyone else.
what do I do now? Should I just go no contact and move past it? It’s made me feel like complete shit and I massively regret sleeping with him. I have definitely got feelings for him.
who ever has read this far thank you.

If you have feelings for him a FWB situation wouldn’t work anyway.

it sounds like the sex wasn’t great for either of you and he’s decided he’s not up for a repeat performance. Doesn’t make either of you slags!

I personally would block him so he can’t mess with your head by reappearing at some point. Maybe send him a goodbye and good luck message first?

maybe avoid the ones not looking for a relationship in future? Good luck!

Oh dear! You seem to have found out why he was single! Pathetic little man who enjoys the chase and loses all interest once he’s had a shag! There are quite a few of those out there, and their behaviour says a lot about their attitude to women.

You know you are not a slag…and you are certainly not going to let a man who treats you like that feel like one!

Have a little cry and chalk it up to experience and then work out what you do want…and settle for nothing less.

FWB is a tricky term because it means different things to different people. I’ve met men who think it’s “a reliable fuck when I fancy it,” whereas I mean a genuine friendship that includes sex that is otherwise lacking in our lives. Make sure you’re on the same page with that one.

Good luck

Thank you for replying! This whole world of online dating is so new to me and I just feel like I’ve made myself look a fool. I mean he had a good time I think during sex, it was just very very quick.
I deffo agree with you though, I don’t know why I did it as I knew I’d get feelings like this. I think it just felt so nice to be wanted and get attention from a man, sad I know!

If it was ‘very quick’ is he embarrassed?? It sounds like it.
Nevertheless his communication has changed so all I can say is step away and ignore him and see if you get some answers at a later date, but he seems childish and absolutely nothing can be gained from you contacting him any more. Step back.

I mean maybe he could be embarrassed but I think the build up to it over the past couple of weeks has been quite intense.
I didn’t know whether or not to wait a couple of weeks then drop him a message asking how his move went and then mention he left me unfinished 🤣 ( joking)
Or should I just leave it?
I just don’t get why he hasn’t said it was a one night thing when he’s had the opportunity to.

Don’t contact him. Back off.

mind yourself x

Men and their sensitive egos. Did you joke about how fast it was? If you did, than his ego is bruised. He is likely scared to be made fun of again.
Butbif you didnt mention it, than he is just an arshole that is good at talking but not at doing...move on.

No I didn’t say anything about it being quick. I just said when he got back in bed after he went in the bathroom that I’m not going home yet as only just got round here. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I don’t know if he thought I was satisfied, just feel like I’ve been left in limbo

You're not a slag. Maybe reassess what it is you're looking for if you now feel bad about it. It's just to protect yourself at the end of the day. It sounds like you possibly want more than he's willing to give, even if it's on a casual level. I wouldn't contact him either. He's the one that backed off, if he changes his mind, it'll have to come from him.