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BORED

15 replies

Ajh1993 · 19/04/2025 18:22

My boyfriend and I have been together a year, he’s 23 and I’m 31. When we first got together we were like rabbits. He had some sensitivity issues at the beginning due to a dodgy circumcision which he overcame a couple of months into our relationship. Not long after we slept together for the first time he said I was his first. Our sex life was good for the first maybe 6 months, then I started to notice that he only seemed to want sex when HE wanted it and never showed an interest if I said I was horny and would kind of push me away if I tried to initiate. He also barely ever goes down on me and due to the sensitivity he’s a bit apprehensive about me going down on him which is a shame as I enjoy doing it. We also only ever do missionary, even though I’ve told him I want to explore different positions. It’s the same routine, he gets horny, he gets hard, we kiss, he climbs on top of me, I touch him for a little bit,it goes in, 10 minutes later he’s done, he then will touch me after so I can O. Then that’s it for the rest of the day/night, and sometimes for a couple of days. There’s no foreplay, there’s no build up. If we have a date night there’s no flirtation or getting touchy feely and building up tension. The second he gets hard he just wants me upstairs so he can have his release and then that’s it. I’m bored. I’m so sexually attracted to him that I want to have sex with him multiple times a day, I want to have that build up, that tension, I want passion. But I’m getting none of it. I’ve communicated this to him so many times but nothings changed. A lot of the time he’ll just say he’s tired, or sometimes he’ll prefer to get himself off because it’s quick and easy. I feel so undesired. He’ll say I’m so sexy and everything but I just don’t see that in his actions. I’m not sure what else to do. I have a high sex drive and I just feel so dissatisfied.

OP posts:
CarrotsThenCookies · 19/04/2025 18:36

Sorry to hear you feel undesired, I’m sore he does find you attractive and enjoys sex with you. It just seems to be a mismatch of sex drives which happens. How serious is the relationship?

GarrynotsoGorilla · 19/04/2025 18:56

@Ajh1993 It sounds like it has become very plain and unsatisfactory. Personally when with a woman I can't relax and enjoy it for myself until I have helped her orgasm a few times. But I guess some guys are happy just to get what they need.
What is his reaction to you talking about how you feel with him?

KirstyHD1 · 19/04/2025 21:38

I am so sorry. He must have many good other qualities because you would not have stayed with him. However, you have told him what you want and he does not seem willing to provide it, or does not want to provide it. I think it may be time to finish the relationship. You are obviously a highly sexed woman and there is absolutely no reason to be embarrassed about that. I fall into the same category. But no matter how nice the guy is if he does not have a high sex drive and is not interested in exploring all the pleasures that sex can give I don't see how you can continue. There are many men out there with high sex drives. Don't be afraid of them. Go on a dating site and look for a nice man who has a high sex drive that you are comfortable with and who is prepared to explore all the aspects of sex that you want to indulge in.

Smithey885 · 19/04/2025 21:51

He’s not going to change OP, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

You can put it down to inexperience if you want, but the fact he’d rather have a wank than have sex with you tells it all.

something must have changed after the initial 6 months, you say you are bored, it sounds as if he might be as well or more likely just isn’t as interested in sex as you.

You can either talk, take control , walk or live with an unsatisfactory sex life.

Gymbunny2025 · 19/04/2025 22:23

I agree. I think after the initial thrill of losing his virginity with an older woman has worn off he’s losing interest. Time to move on whatever the reason anyway. Plenty more fish etc!

ruffler45 · 20/04/2025 07:36

He has set the scene for the future...

You know what you have to do...

WingedWarrior · 20/04/2025 09:09

Just out of curiosity was the circumcision something that happened before or after you were together.

Ajh1993 · 20/04/2025 12:24

@GarrynotsoGorilla He just says that it’s different for him because he’s a man, that he can’t just be ready to go all the time which I do understand and I guess everyone’s refractory period is different, but he doesn’t even try, it could be hours and hours after we’ve had sex, sometimes the next morning, and he’ll just say he’s tired or something. And not to be stereotypical but at 23, and it being his first sexual relationship I’d have expected a bit more enthusiasm.

OP posts:
Ajh1993 · 20/04/2025 12:26

@ruffler45 this was my fear, if its like this a year in, how is it going to be 5-10 years down the line ☹️

OP posts:
Ajh1993 · 20/04/2025 12:29

@WingedWarrior he had the circumcision when he was 10, but said that since that, he had really struggled with the sensitivity, to the point he would get hard, but as soon as it came to the deed he would immediately go soft which is the main factor in why he was a virgin. In the initial month or so of us being together if the head touched me he would go soft and he still has sensitivity around the head hence why a BJ is uncomfortable for him. Eventually after a lot of trial and error we worked it out, but I still can’t really go down on him, especially not in the conventional way.

OP posts:
mrandmrsrobinson · 20/04/2025 12:32

Bin

WingedWarrior · 20/04/2025 12:58

I guess it's different. I had an adult circumcision a few years back and it has enhanced everything for me. The glans has flared out and the sensuality is incredible since the operation...which was entirely by choice as I always wanted it done.

ruffler45 · 20/04/2025 15:43

Ajh1993 · 20/04/2025 12:26

@ruffler45 this was my fear, if its like this a year in, how is it going to be 5-10 years down the line ☹️

No different to last week this week or next week 😨

Move on and look after your needs first

AnonAnonmystery · 21/04/2025 13:11

What stands out to me in your post is that you are doing all the work to accommodate him which is fine. However he cares very little about your satisfaction, doesn’t seem to want to listen or change. Even making you go upstairs for sex ffs, why not just do it then and there on the sofa ( assuming no kids at home) , he seems yo be rigid and have lots of rules around sex. It’s not workable.

Girlmom35 · 22/04/2025 11:57

This is exactly my experience with every early-20-something man I've been with.
The quality of my sex life increased massively the older my sexual partner became. Late 30's, early 40's, that's the sweet spot!

I don't know why you would bother with someone with zero sexual experience, but also zero desire to learn to be a better sexual partner for you.

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