Am I that bad at sex ?

[MossPixel]

Me and my spouse no longer have sex.

We will play with each other and do mutual masturbation together, but we don’t have sex!

My spouse never asks if we can try and have sex. We have had some issues with infidelity over the last few years. I often wonder who they are really thinking about.They will close their eyes while they do it. Once they are done they expect me to finish myself. It feels distant and love less. There is just no connection.

I have expressed my concern, but I falls on death ears.

Would you say they are just not interested in me and are bored of sex?

I would say that you deserve better than this and they have no emotional connection or sexual feelings for you.

They? Next time you have their genitals in your hand you can sex them 😂

seriously though I think mutual masturbation requires connection and closing eyes can be a good sign. So I’m not sure I’d link that to anything. But you are linking it to previous infidelity which means you should probably move on

Odd to leave the sexes out of a question about... sex. Are you and/or your partner uneasy about sex somehow? Possibly this could be part of the problem. Good sex requires you to be able to talk about sex, that's my experience anyway.

@MossPixel you should never measure yourself against anyone, which is what I think is happening here. The infidelity has left you insecure, that is a sad fact, and only time or moving on can heal that x

@GarrynotsoGorilla

Maybe you are right. I think I have been left feeling insecure and not good enough. While they get on with their life. They look confident, happy and get lots of attention form the opposite sex.

I don't want to leave. I just want things to be like they were before. But thats not possible i get that.

But sex is an important part of our relationship to me. They say it is to them to. But i don't believe it.

In my head what they had with the affair partner, the excitement, the sex the feeling wanted and good enough i just cant match, i cant make them feel that way no matter how much i try.

Now i can even give them good sex.

@VoodooQualities

Thank you for your reply.

The reasons I left out the sex of my partner is because we both use this site and don't want to give away my identity.

We have never had an issue with being uneasy about sex in the past. But where as I like doing it I think they have take it or leave it attitude.

It doesn't really bother them either way . In my opinion

‘Don’t understand why this is written in gender neutral terms. Women and men are different.

@Gymbunny2025

You are right. Everything leads back to the infidelity.

But sex use to be easy even shortly after the affair. But years later its in the for front of my mind and I cant seem to get past it no matter how much I want to.

If they are not getting what they want at home. How long until they go and cheat again

@MossPixel you need to reflect more here about what you need to feel secure and confident in yourself. Less on what you think they lack from you to be having that level of desire.
The reality is that affair sex is not relationship sex. They are very different, the emotions that affair sex create are artificial unsustainable and unhealthy. Relationship sex is the opposite of that. Don't try to compete with something that is artificial.

If I was your wife (I assume) on here I’m pretty sure I’d recognise the details of your post whether or not you specified my gender 😂 it’s quite specific!