Poor sex life

[binnday]

My husband (42) drinks often and he falls asleep most nights, so our sex life has suffered. I feel he puts little effort in when we do, I don’t feel desirable to him either. It’s also beginning to turn me off because he’s drinking often, the smell lingers around him too, I’ve tried discussing this with him, but he never wants to listen.

@binnday that sounds like an awful situation. How is he with you other than sex life, is he kind, caring, thoughtful and supportive?
What happens when you try to talk to him about his drinking?

We get along ok, it feels more like a co-parent relationship. When we’ve discussed his drinking, he doesn’t want to discuss it and will dismiss everything I’ve said.

So then it is down to you to decide what to do about the lack of sex, either you choose to move on from him and look elsewhere, or seek a FWB type situation/ open marriage. Sadly there are no easy answers to this problem unless he recognises the issue. You need to focus on yourself and not let his problems affect your self esteem. I am sure that you are very desirable and it is just him who has the problem.
I completely understand how you would want someone to make you feel wanted and desirable x

You say you don’t feel desirable to him… but is he desirable to you?

I find the smell of alcohol a total turn off too so I totally understand how you feel

I don’t find him desirable when he smells of alcohol, it is a turn off for me, otherwise I find him desirable.

how much is he drinking? Do you think he has a problem with it? Do you have the option for earlier in the day (before he’s had a drink and falling asleep)?

He mostly drinks spirits, I’m not sure how much he’s drinking but he is drinking more than he should be. We can’t in the day, due to work.

Oh dear that does sound worrying 😔

@binnday - I'd say that the issue here is the alcohol, not the lack of sex. Depending on how much he drinks, he may not be able to have sex, even if you both fancied it.

Has this drinking started recently, or is it an on-going thing?

I'm absolutely no expert, but, assuming you want the relationship to work, I'd say you need to address his drinking before anything else.

Where do you get such wisdom about relationships, Garry?