Scared to initiate sex

PTown · 04/04/2025 17:11

Leebra · 04/04/2025 16:40

Hi, I’ve been with my partner for 10 years now and we’ve 3 children youngest is near 1.
We haven’t had sex since the youngest was conceived!
partly because I felt like crap & kept moaning and he gave up initiating it. And here comes my problem, he’s giving up initiating it and I don’t blame him! But I’m to scared to as feeling really crappy in my appearance, I’m questioning if he even still finds me attractive.
I wouldn’t even know where to start initiating as I never have and I worry he wouldn’t take he seriously or not. We used to have amazing sex before we have kids & but to say we’re pretty much room mates now is an understatement.
I want to work on initiating it myself to show him I do still want him but I don’t know where to start when I feel so silly even over thinking it!
thanks 🤪

I initiate way more than my DH. If you’re not used to it, it’s just a matter of jumping in that first time. You could try snuggling up to him on the sofa, or wherever he is tonight, playing with his hair, and whispering something in his ear. “Do you want to have sex tonight?” Or “I want you.” Something like that. He’s not a stranger on the street, so there’s no need to feel like you’re asking something lewd—you’re allowed to ask your partner for sex! Once you do it, you’ll get more used to it, I promise. It’s just about taking that first step and getting the ball rolling.

Emptyandsad · 04/04/2025 17:18

Can I suggest that you talk to him about it. If he would like to have sex but is worried about bothering you, then he will be delighted to hear that you're missing your sex life and you'd like to start again. If he doesn't want to have sex then you should probably know about it. You could then discuss how each of you would like to deal with the problem and what your individual sensitivities are

I firmly believe that all people who have sex with each other (especially when in a relationship) ought to feel comfortable talking about it. If you don't, then you should make the effort to start. It may be awkward at first, but you will both reap huge benefits from it. Most people just want to please their partner - there's nothing more exciting than an excited partner - and it can be hard to do that if you can't talk to each other about how you're feeling, what excites you and what doesn't, what you're curious about...

Original poster

Leebra · 04/04/2025 19:28

PTown · 04/04/2025 17:11

I initiate way more than my DH. If you’re not used to it, it’s just a matter of jumping in that first time. You could try snuggling up to him on the sofa, or wherever he is tonight, playing with his hair, and whispering something in his ear. “Do you want to have sex tonight?” Or “I want you.” Something like that. He’s not a stranger on the street, so there’s no need to feel like you’re asking something lewd—you’re allowed to ask your partner for sex! Once you do it, you’ll get more used to it, I promise. It’s just about taking that first step and getting the ball rolling.

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I know I need to rip the plaster off and do it and then I assume it will come to feel more normal. I get what you’re saying about a stranger 😂 crazy how I’m overthinking something that should come so natural for both of us!
I just picture him laughing at me if I said something to him about it 🥴

OP posts:

Original poster

Leebra · 04/04/2025 19:31

Emptyandsad · 04/04/2025 17:18

Can I suggest that you talk to him about it. If he would like to have sex but is worried about bothering you, then he will be delighted to hear that you're missing your sex life and you'd like to start again. If he doesn't want to have sex then you should probably know about it. You could then discuss how each of you would like to deal with the problem and what your individual sensitivities are

I firmly believe that all people who have sex with each other (especially when in a relationship) ought to feel comfortable talking about it. If you don't, then you should make the effort to start. It may be awkward at first, but you will both reap huge benefits from it. Most people just want to please their partner - there's nothing more exciting than an excited partner - and it can be hard to do that if you can't talk to each other about how you're feeling, what excites you and what doesn't, what you're curious about...

I completely agree with you about talking about it. Strangely enough after 10 years we never have and I think it’s because we never needed to until the last year or so. I literally talk to him about everything else we have no secrets and this area atm just seems a little grey, like neither of us are approaching it and I do feel a sense of responsibility to take it upon myself as he’s always initiated it and I assume he’s fed up if it 🥴

OP posts:

Gogglebox189975 · 04/04/2025 19:52

had this exact issue, I felt like crap which put me off. Told my husband when it came to a head he was feeling so rejected, but issue was me. Anyway we spoke and gradually got it back. Recently got omgyes subscription which has been amazing for rekindling romance intimacy and sex. I seriously recommend this and watching it together / trying new techniques

Original poster

Leebra · 04/04/2025 19:54

Gogglebox189975 · 04/04/2025 19:52

had this exact issue, I felt like crap which put me off. Told my husband when it came to a head he was feeling so rejected, but issue was me. Anyway we spoke and gradually got it back. Recently got omgyes subscription which has been amazing for rekindling romance intimacy and sex. I seriously recommend this and watching it together / trying new techniques

Thank you! I will definitely consider when I’ve found my confidence to tackle this! 🙏🏼

OP posts:

Gogglebox189975 · 04/04/2025 19:57

just do it tonight! Don’t be nervous just say ‘I want to get out sec life back on track - I miss you. Can we talk?’ He will be delighted guaranteed.

PTown · 04/04/2025 20:13

Yes, just do it tonight. No point in waiting.

Feelinglikeacrapmam · 05/04/2025 00:06

I fully agree talking honestly about it is best. If you don't feel quite ready to do that then a hand on his thigh creeping upwards as you're snuggled up followed up with an eyebrow raise should get your message across! You may then find it easier to talk about as you are cuddling in post sex bliss

Gymbunny2025 · 05/04/2025 11:35

I find kissing leads to more if you’re both in the mood. Without having to say a word!

Alwaysinitiate · 06/04/2025 11:00

Hi op how you getting on?

We are a very long way down this road. My partner hardly ever inintiated and its improved a lot but still less frequent than I would like . We have tried numerous things we do talk a lot outside the bedroom, and we are in a good place right now. Her issue is sexual confidence not body confidence although she did have a little bump post second DC.

Of the things we have tried the one thing that for me is a clear winner is that she ALWAYS sleeps in PJ’s or a nightie. If she goes to bed before me and I get in bed, and she is naked then that is the sign. I may not have even thought of sex but if your husband is like me, when I lift the covers to get in and see her naked body, lie next to her and feel her naked skin were on. No real need for anywords I may pass a nice complemnet but thats it that simple.

Maybe try and to listen or read some good erotica,find your horney and give it a go. It sounds like he'd be over the moon. Somtimes us guys can get a bad rap but the good ones know that your body's gave us our children and we are more than happy to have a naked women in our beds!!!

PTown · 06/04/2025 14:08

I do that sometimes…get into bed wearing only a g string and a bra.