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My partner has been searching for escorts

43 replies

Hill1105 · 30/03/2025 10:38

My partner of 3 years has been searching for escorts on his phone, he says he’s just being nosy and I’m over reacting but I don’t feel I am. Last year I found he’d text them but said he’d not gone through with it.
we have a regular active sex life and get on wonderfully but I don’t feel like I can stay with someone who has intentions of this kind of thing. Has anyone experienced similar?

OP posts:
PTown · 31/03/2025 15:06

IHE · 31/03/2025 15:01

@PTown You said "Imagine deliberately wasting a builder’s time." I responded to that.

More objectively, it's standard practice to ask multiple builders for quotes and only use one of them, so it's not really comparable to contacting sex workers.

Either way, we’re talking about someone deliberately wasting someone else’s time to fill his wank bank. Not cool.

Getting several quotes is cool—it is not cool to DELIBERATELY waste someone’s time for your own personal gratification, no matter how many tradespeople have wasted your time in the past.

IHE · 31/03/2025 15:11

On the up side, if he's wasting a sex worker's time, surely the OP has nothing to worry about?

So is it better if he contacts multiple escorts?

PTown · 31/03/2025 15:15

He’s either getting sex from the sex workers, or deliberately stringing them along via text for his wank bank. Neither is great. Dump.

Gymbunny2025 · 31/03/2025 15:26

if the OP is happy with a man that is turned on by/wastes the time of/uses sex workers then she’s all good. It sounds like along with 99.9% of women she’s not so she can dump him. Whatever works best for her 😊

Gymbunny2025 · 31/03/2025 15:30

AtYourPleasure · 30/03/2025 22:13

Another reason to stay away from men!

👋 @AtYourPleasurehow are you?

most men want a woman that wants to have sex with them and desires them rather than only going near them because they’ve been paid. I’d ignore the punters on this thread.

valentinka31 · 31/03/2025 15:37

I think the fact that he is 'being nosy' and is therefore showing interest in interaction with women whose consent he can just buy is... a crimson red flag for me.

I would be beyond upset, because it means he doesn't have a problem with it and he's actually quite interested. And there is literally only his word to say he wouldn't or hasn't or isn't actually doing it. If he's that interested then hmm. ... a v v v small step to end up in a room with a woman he's bought. And then not tell you/tell you he hasn't done anything like that.

It IS his life and his business, BUT you should be given the option of if you want a partner who also has sex with prostitutes.

...

Tristan5 · 31/03/2025 19:04

AtYourPleasure · 31/03/2025 11:10

And perhaps many just simply chickened out? That's just as likely as doing it for the thrill.

Have you done it??!

😂

NCForThatForumM · 31/03/2025 20:20

. ... a v v v small step to end up in a room with a woman he's bought

It's not a small step. It's a massive step.

I suspect we all live out only a small percentage or our fantasies. Perhaps none.

AtYourPleasure · 01/04/2025 08:54

IHE · 31/03/2025 07:13

Possibly the saddest thing I will read today.

Yeah. C'est la vie!

AtYourPleasure · 01/04/2025 08:56

Tristan5 · 31/03/2025 19:04

Have you done it??!

😂

No, I haven't. I always assume its a very female heavy industry, are there males on there? But maybe I should have a look. Just for the sake of looking mind. Not because I'm thinking about hiring one! 😉

Augustus40 · 01/04/2025 10:51

Plenty of men text escorts and do not follow through. It does not mean he has cheated.

Gymbunny2025 · 01/04/2025 12:36

Some people do consider messaging cheating

most people would not want a relationship with someone who messages prostitutes

i would assume anyone who was messaging was also meeting though. Of course he’ll say he isn’t!

NCForThatForumM · 01/04/2025 13:42

Gymbunny2025 · 01/04/2025 12:36

Some people do consider messaging cheating

most people would not want a relationship with someone who messages prostitutes

i would assume anyone who was messaging was also meeting though. Of course he’ll say he isn’t!

In the same way that people who play Call of Duty join in wars and people who play Mario Cart become racing drivers.

The issue of whether this relationship should end is completely separate to whether this guy cheated. Yes, of course they should split up, why not? The OP doesn't need a reason. Just end it. However, it's not true to say that he visited a hooker because he texted hookers.

PTown · 01/04/2025 13:46

In the same way that people who play Call of Duty join in wars and people who play Mario Cart become racing drivers.

This is so NOT the same thing. The guy isn’t going on a red light district video game, FFS. He’s in contact with actual, real life, sex workers.

Gymbunny2025 · 01/04/2025 15:11

Totally ok if you wouldn’t mind your wife doing this. But obviously this sort of a man isn’t a suitable partner so he needs dumping!

Gymbunny2025 · 08/04/2025 20:43

OP you should tell your (hopefully ex) partner to watch Gone Girls on Netflix. It is a stark reminder of the real risks these women face as part of this business.

VoodooQualities · 09/04/2025 08:06

Just on the off chance that the OP hasn't been thoroughly put off discussing this further after the utterly revolting turn this thread took when some men decided to turn up...

OP, you can and should hold your partner to a higher standard than the foul trash on this thread who would have you believe it's all just fine and dandy to sit having a wank to Pornhub and use their other hand to follow links off to read reviews men have written of their encounters with prostituted women.

SawyerElle · 09/04/2025 15:59

I would certainly say that, at the very least, this situation requires a serious sit-down conversation!

One problem is that, in the OnlyFans era, we're starting to see a lot more blurring of the lines between simply watching sex online and actually interacting with the person at the other end--because the OF business model encourages that type of interaction. That is only going to bleed more and more into this sort of behavior.

Also, as a partner, you have the right to know here if your man is guilty of "putting you on a pedestal". You may have an active sex life, and at the same time, your man may be unhealthily drawing a line between you, his treasure, and his deeper sexual fantasies...and this could be leading him to entertain the idea of at least talking with women with whom he would theoretically explore those fantasies. This, right now, is the time to change that. That sexual exploration should always start with YOU, even if the only thing you're doing is talking about those fantasies in bed.

As other posters have said, this could be a sign of a deeper problem in your relationship or with this man...but it could also be an opportunity to have a serious sexual conversation that leads to your man understanding that respecting you means sharing his WHOLE self with you. Force him to be honest, and at the same time, don't feel pressured to follow through on any acts that make you uncomfortable. What is he telling himself he can get from these other women that she SHOULD be telling himself he wants to explore with the person who matters the most to him: You?

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