Lack of sexual pleasure 😩

[sanyu12]

Hey all! ….So initial vaginal penetration feels good and does for a few seconds then that feeling stops and I don't feel anything else vaginally. I have never orgasmed vaginally either. Only through clit stimulation.Has anyone else experienced the same thing or something similar. Feel like there’s something wrong with me. TIA.

I can't answer your question, but my wife is very similar in that respect due to traumatic births of our 2 kids a few years ago. We've tried lube and toys etc to get really in the mood and shortly after penetration she has a little discomfort partially to my length (not boasting I promise) but she is petite.
We've not had sex since last year, yes I do miss it but that's the way it is. We have fun and enjoy ourselves in other ways instead.
Hope you find a way round things and enjoy sex as it should be.

I don’t think the vagina itself feels pleasure (I’m thinking tampons, smear tests and giving birth!!) more that there are certain areas that do. Cervix and g spot for me. And some women get clitoral stimulation from sex too. That’s just my experience though others may be different. Are there any areas or positions you could focus on that have given you pleasure? Also it’s totally normal to need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Could you try this while having sex (if you don’t already!)

I used to be exactly like this.

How aroused do you get before penetration? Things only changed for me when I started getting much, much more aroused and spending much, much more time on building excitement and oral and using hands and snogging and telling stories and generally everything you can think of, maybe for an hour or two; basically, penetration only happened at all when I was honestly begging for it (which before that I would have said was a myth). Lube is also non-negotiable now, before anybody touches me.

I still don't orgasm from penetration and I guess I never will. No big deal any more. I do love it now, in a way I just didn't before.

Such a great point @PermanentTemporary. The good bits only feel good if we are properly aroused first!

Around 81% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm when having sex. It is very normal to use fingers to get direct stimulation and you should not be embarrassed or feel inadequate if that's what gives you pleasure. Many women have their orgasms before intercourse rather than during it, ie via oral sex or manual help from their partners.

The next time your man penetrates you, when you are suitably aroused get him to press down on your tummy in the area between the navel and the pubic bone.
The area where the secral chakra is. It may take a little finding but it will give you a pleasurable sensation.
The best position for this is when you're on your back at the end of the bed, or on the edge of the sofa or even better having a table ender.

@Confuseddad46thanks for commenting

@Gymbunny2025I have tried various positions but they just don’t seem to make much of a difference. The only noticeable difference is I feel like I need to pee in certain positions which I wouldn’t exactly call pleasurable. Is that normal? I have tried clitoral stimulation at same time as penetration which seems to work.

@PermanentTemporaryWell my partner has a very high libido. He could literally have sex everyday all day. Unfortunately I don’t and can’t so most times when we’re doing it I am not always in the mood. It also takes me a long time to get aroused fully which is rarely the case when penetration happens.

@jubs15oh ok that’s interesting. I guess when I have heard people talk about sex they always say how mind blowing good it is and the amazing orgasms they have etc. I feel like I am missing out big town on experiencing it myself. I find most times I am faking how good it is to please my partner.

@Mysticguru never heard of the sexual chakra before. I shall look that up and give it a try. Thanks.

That's secral chakra not sexual chakra

@Mysticguruok thanks

Honey, if there was one thing that I wish someone had told me when I was younger, it's to stop having sex with your boyfriend as a favor to him.
You don't owe him sex.
His libido is not your problem, nor your repsonsability.

I know you're going to say: oh but I don't mind, I love him, it's no big deal.
Yes, it is a big deal. Because deep down you feel like his sexual urges are yours to fulfill, even when you don't want to or feel like it.

Trust me. This is a dangerous pattern and it gets harder to break the longer you're in it.
Sex is only worth it if both people want it equally. There's nothing wrong with you when you don't get that much pleasure from penetration, because you've learned that sex isn't for your satisfaction, it's for his.

I have only ever orgasmed "hands free" during sex with one partner, so I'm in the same boat as you. Most of the time I have had to sort myself out or have gone without. My last partner thought I should orgasm with no clitoral stimulation and to get there within a few minutes, yet he would have to pound away for absolutely ages. At least I knew his inability to cum was down to his porn addiction, not poor kegels 🤣. You are definitely not alone.

This!!!

if you are having to fake pleasure to keep someone happy I think it’s over 😔

I wonder if you had a partner with a libido aligned with yours, who was able to give you pleasure at your pace, if suddenly you will realise the problem wasn’t your body all along…

My whole life I have never been able to orgasm without doing it myself with fingers. Before, after, during penetration, whatever. I do love penetration though even though I can't come from it alone.

@Anonanon10001can I ask what it is your enjoy about penetration?

@Girlmom35I guess so. I remember before i lost my virginity people used to say how amazing it was etc but I think it’s overrated because I just got don’t get “those” feelings of immense pleasure. The only time I do is when I play with my clit.

@Gymbunny2025hmmm I guess so.

Have you ever tried with your legs on his shoulders (think ankles by your ears)? That’s incredibly intense for me.

Not to be rude but is your partner on the smaller side? That could be why you aren’t feeling much as you are not feeling full and in my experience that is the feeling that is pleasurable alongside clit stimulation.

You can make it work with a smaller penis if he can learn to hit your g-spot as that is only a few inches inside. But it’s something you will need to work together on. You need to tell him when it’s not working for you or he’ll never learn.

Totally agree with all this!

@OchreRavenhi, yes I have tried that position but seemed to make much difference.

no in actual fact he’s quite thick and medium size which is ok. Sometimes it’s a little painful going in if I am not properly aroused.

Legs on shoulders doesn't do much for me. I like missionary and side by side best.

'If I'm not properly aroused' - yes that's what worries me. If I am fully aroused then I feel a lovely glow of pleasure around the penis as it moves, wherever it is and whatever size it is. That's what is different about sex for me now.

Do you set things up so that you get to orgasm first by his fingers/tongue before he goes in? That's a different ball game, great feeling. Took me a long time to be able to do that.

It is annoying to think that I didn't even know what my genitals felt like when really aroused until I was 31 and divorced. I had afling with a very fanciable ex-boyfriend to cheer myself up. I put my hand down there (in fact to stop him doing something that 'felt too good' ) and for the first time felt what my labia were like when they were wide open. I was so shocked that I pulled my hand back and yelped with surprise. It still took me another 19 years before I managed to reach a point where I could psycholocally allow a partner to make me come.

@ hey! Not really. I usually try to orgasm with help of the vibrator whilst I am in doggy position. Then he’ll cum afterwards. I think cause I am rarely relaxed during sex. Always feel very self conscious of my body (bit on the large side with flabby bits) but my man loves my body to death though and tells me often.
perhaps I need to explore my body more myself to know what works and doesn’t. I remember once we were having sex missionary on the sofa and for whatever reason it felt really good. I was almost begging him not to stop. I have never felt before or since 😩 Maybe it was a fluke. Who knows 🤷🏾‍♀️