Is appearance important when it comes to sex

[Blushingm]

I’ve never been attractive. I’m overweight.

when we are out with dp seeing friends etc I always think they look at me and feel sorry for him or wonder why he’s with me.

even when we are together in bed (or elsewhere) being intimate I always wonder why he’s gets hard because looking at me should have the opposite affect

his friends wives are all highly educated, slim and beautiful effortlessly and I’m there big, ugly and clumsy

Your body is only one part of what makes you attractive! I feel much the same about my body but, to some men, including the ones I’ve formed intimate relationships with, I’m beautiful and sexy. I find looking at photos taken by someone who loves me encouraging, both “naughty” ones and ordinary snaps. Sometimes what they see jumps out at me.

Yes I think appearance is important for sex. We need to fancy our partner? Which means he must find you attractive. Maybe work on finding yourself attractive too?

I think appearance is important - but different people like different things in a partner. I'm guessing your partner fancies you; probably partly because they find you physically attractive and partly because they find your personality attractive.

Don't question it, just enjoy it!

Maybe because he loves you and feels comfortable only with you. Even if your looks genuinely weren't fine (and I'm sure they are to him) you have your voice, your fragrance, your touch etc. it's not all about looks, even for men!

Personally, I have to have that physical attraction but that's not it all.

My boyfriend can literally laugh my pants off!

People find different things attractive.

My boyfriend loves my voice for instance.

I would say for the most part, physical attraction for a man is more important than for women. Attraction for men is much more physical whereas with women it goes deeper and the 'brain' is more important ( IMO )

Interestingly, I had a date at the weekend - When I first saw her, i'm not going to lie, I didn't want to rip her clothes off and she isn't my usual type. However, her personality is amazing and as the night went on my attraction to her grew.

Date 2 is tonight and I'm really looking forward to it.

For me, yeah, I need to be attracted to someone.

Though I once had a guy tell me he'd never fancied his wife. From the minute they met. Never fancied her. Dated her for many years, even though he a) didn't fancy her, b) she made everything they did miserable and c) wanted to dump her. Oh, and the sex was shit. But yeah, somehow he found it in him to date and live with her for many many years before marrying her.

I don’t know; I slept with a guy last year who wasn’t really that attractive, at least not conventionally so. I don’t know if he found me attractive, I doubt it - I’m morbidly obese. We only met that night and didn’t meet again. His personality also wasn’t that amazing. Hence never met again.

But the sex was incredible. Every woman alive should spend an hour with that man because bloody hell.

He did have a nice voice … but I think you can have amazing sex without necessarily there being a physical attraction if you get me.

The absolute most handsome/attractive men I've been with were also the shittiest in bed.

Plus, there are so many ways to form attraction. I'm not saying you actually are unattractive, because I think you probably have serious self esteem issues and undervalue yourself. But if you were 'ugly', as you put it, he probably feels attraction based on who you are as a person, your connection, the love between you, ...