40s dating advice

[BagelAndBeagle]

I’m a single mum and a widow and have recently become interested in the idea of dating again. However, I have been in the world of dating for well over a decade and so it is all new to me again. I don’t know if what I want is a ‘friends with benefits’, but as to not rock the boat with home life, I think that would be initially preferred. Does anyone have any ideas?

I suppose the best advice I can give is see how it goes and be open minded and take things at a pace that you are comfortable with. if that’s a friend with benefits first to test the water and see how you feel I’m sure loads of sites will be able to help but I’m sure each conversation you have might bring a different thought or situation. Even if you decided to date you can always keep it separate from home life for as long as you want and hopefully the other person will understand

I think that’s a lovely reply from @Postman007

OP why not just date and see where it takes you? You might fall in love or have lots of wild sex or make some new friends. Depends who you meet really? Enjoy 😉

Thank you for your wise advice. This is all a sorts of reawakening for me these past few weeks after not having thought about it for years. I’ll try my best to keep an open mind

I think for me, it’s more a case of I don’t know where best to find a date haha, I work full time and have a tween son, so something old fashioned like a bar is seemingly impractical. And I just don’t have much confidence for tinder

Keep it light and fun. Someone you get on with and like the same things and of course fancy. Take it at your pace. I had a thing with a widow once and it took four weekends away (seperate bedrooms) before she was ready to move to the next step. Find someone who is emotionally intelligent and understands your feelings is important too.

Well I’d say join a gym 😂 plenty of men there!

I suspect this probably isn't what you're after @BagelAndBeagle but I'm also a woman in my 40s and I met my FWB on fab. I already knew I didn't want a relationship but I didn't want to miss out on a sex life. It's not all kinky sex, swingers and gangbangs, there's lots of people on there just looking for regular "normal" sex, dates, fwbs and even relationships. You can stay anonymous and be very clear about what you want in your profile to give you a chance to check it out. Just be aware you'll be using the block button a lot even if you limit who can message you a lot of men on there don't bother reading the profile and just chance their luck 🙄 however like i said that's where I found my fwb and I've met a few other men to have a chat and flirt with (and meet on occasion)
The best advice is just to get yourself out there, whichever dating site you choose (if that's the avenue you choose to go down of course) be prepared for a lot of toads but there are someone genuine guys out there that you can in a nice way, use to experiment with, chat with whoever catches your eye, go for a drink, it'll help you firm up exactly what you're looking for and what you're not. Just be honest and go for it, at best you'll have a great time, alternatively you'll have some funny stories about worst dates!
There's no harm either in setting up an anonymous profile, pic of just your clothed body not including face so you can feel a bit braver about starting those chats to help you work out what you want, you can always set up a proper profile when you've more confidence

I appreciate your advice, I’ve wfh today so have been thinking about it all day, and I do feel like the only real option is something online to meet people. With being a parent and work, I just don’r see how else I could realistically meet someone. I’ll just have to mentally filter out the men with ill intentions.

My kids have no idea I'm dating and I make it very clear on my profile what I'm looking for. Whichever site you choose but especially fab you'll get a load of d1ck pics but sure that's what the delete and block button are for! It's very easy to remain anonymous on there and use it as almost a trial run so when you are ready to take the next step to actually meeting someone you'll have your "script" down pat and can weed out the timewasters within a couple of exchanges!
Its nice to have a cheeky flirt and it certainly boosts my mood lol I think until you are sure whether you want a relationship, dates or fwb then treat it like research and just have some fun building your confidence and finding out what works for you and what doesn't. The main thing is you're putting yourself out there and are open to it, just because you reply to a message doesn't mean you can't then delete them, you're not pledging marriage 😉

No reason to think you can’t meet men irl along with OLD/fab though @BagelAndBeagle

i think men who are available (and even those that aren’t!) make it clear pretty quickly. There was a new guy in gym class today that chatted to me and another woman. Very friendly and giving off ‘I’m single’ vibes. I’m not looking so was just polite, but as I was leaving he was still chatting to someone who was giving off ‘I’m interested’ vibes. Just get out there and be available for chats!

Thanks so much, that’s really helpful, I have decided to do a bit of both in person and online. I’m trying out fabswingers, even if it’s just to gain some confidence. And also when I start to go swimming more, I’ll keep amore open mind to meeting someone there

Very similar situation to yours, I date now and again when I fancy it, keep it separate from my family life. I have found Fabs best for quality no strings attached but long term friends. There are too many „problematic” men on traditional OLD. Meeting someone in real life is difficult. Feel free to message me for more tips.. good luck and just put yourself out there to build new confidence x