Innuendo etiquette

[IHE]

This is possibly more a relationship/dating question, but i feel this is the part of MN where it makes sense to ask.

50 something male and just starting to go on dates via apps.
On my profile, I've said nothing about sex. (All my photos are fully clothed and I'm not holding a big fish.) When it's comes to exchanging text messages etc, I've deliberately avoided saying anything about sex.
I know men have a reputation, so I'm trying not to justify that.

Two dates so far.
With the first woman, prior to meeting, she said something in a text message that read very much like a flirtatious innuendo. I didn't want to overstep the mark, so ignored it. (Come the date, we weren't going to be a match, so no big deal.)
On the first date with the second woman, she dropped two massive innuendos, both of which I only noticed about 5 seconds later and which blindsided me. I wasn't expecting them and didn't know how to react. (She wants a 2nd, and I think we might get on well, so I'm up for that too.)

I have absolutely no problem with women being into sex. And I have absolutely no problem with women dropping innuendos into the conversation.
It's just that in the current political climate, I have no idea how to react.

Advice please?

Innuendo is normally a bit jokey? Just laugh if you find it amusing?

As above, keep it lighthearted and a laugh should be enough. You don’t have to make one back if you’re worried about causing any offence - keep that for when you know each other a little better

I guess I'm just mindful of the consequences of avoiding something that is intentiously flirtatious. Balancing propriety with ignoring a "come-on".
In the high-speed world of modern dating and the (anecdotal) tendency to get ghosted after a single date without knowing why, I'm not keen to appear prudish or, worse still, not paying attention to what a date has said.

It's a bit difficult to comment without knowing what she said, but, as above, could you try responding in a similar tone so that she knows you found it funny/were ok with it? And then, could you maybe use it as a conversation starter , and maybe ask her experiences of chatting with guys on dating apps, tell her that you tend to be cautious because you're aware that some women find it too much etc...? You could find out the kind of banter she likes and what her boundaries are maybe.
That would work on me!

Guess you are both around the same age (50) and mature enough to have a laugh about innuendoes, come up with couple of your own

I think you make an interesting point in that the world has changed for men and women. What’s difficult is knowing which women and men have changed and which haven’t.

There are women I know who are still fully on board with the so called old ways and would see you as a bit stiff if you didn’t respond and others where it would not have been intended and you would be in trouble if you did respond .

I would say the fact that your actually aware of the issue in the first place and are hopefully a progressive man off of mums net then you’ve just got to read the room without looking terrified which could put a potential date off.

one last thing is on this board you’re more likely to get sex positive women replying to a man. Which is still good advice but I higher chance they wouldn’t be offended by a little sexy innuendo.

Personally, l go for a direct approach so there is no confusion or wondering. I think you are likely to be on safer ground if you play it cool. There is always a risk of over stepping the mark.

You can, of course, acknowledge the comment though, but once something is said it cannot be unsaid.

The first text based comment was about "twiddling knobs". I may have misread the subtext, but i don't think so.

I can't remember the first verbal innuendo, but I know I batted it off with "you're way ahead of me there". (Maybe she heard innuendo in something I'd said - i don't recall.)
The second seemed pretty blatant. She'd said her ex-husband's unadventurousness meant they went to the same holiday destination year after year after year. As she'd previously spent years travelling the world and, most significantly, India, she'd wanted to go somewhere more interesting, I laughingly suggested "somewhere like Bangalore?" The possible double entendre genuinely didn't cross my mind, but she evidently heard "Bang galore" as in "lots of sex" and it took me several seconds to realise why she was sniggering like Finbarr Saunders. With hindsight, it was actually me that said it, but ...

@IHE I'm not picking up any sexual innuendo from the woman you met? I would just continue to be respectful and normal tbh! Good luck!

Sounds like a fairly normal conversation to me, and a good sign if you can have a laugh together about an unintentional innuendo like Bangalore. I think you're overthinking things.

@tanjaav That wouldn't be the 1001st time.

It all sounds like normal conversation to me but I have to say things have changed and even in the workplace an office joke that is well received by a 40 year old is frowned upon by a 25 year old.

Just be yourself and relax!

I think it's great that you are aware that things have changed and don't want to be that sleazy guy who can't complete a sentence without an innuendo. I'm all for a cheeky flirt with the odd innuendo but I second a couple of PP, read the room and the next time something could be taken as an innuendo, in person preferably not via text, use it as a conversation starter to find out what that person's boundaries are. Doing it in person as I've said is much easier than via text for the simple (and same reason as innuendos exist!) texts can be misread, you can't hear the tone, see the facial expressions etc whereas face-to-face she can hear and see your sincerity that you are trying to be genuinely respectful to her whilst letting her know you do have a playful side but you're not a sleazebag