Tell me your natural ways to increase libido

[Yorkshiredolls]

Situation is late 30s, not peri, very happy marriage, but the usual story; primary aged kids, work, busy lifestyle.

both me and husband are healthy and active. Normal life stresses but I wouldn’t say were stressed per se. No mental health problems. We Still fancy and adore eachother.

I can often feel like id want it in the weekend daytime, but with kids thats obv just a no no . but by the time everyones in bed the stresses of family life just knocks the stuffing out of any desire I might have had. At the end of the day Im fucking knackered and by 9:30 I’m often falling asleep on the sofa.

weekends we could sneak in a morning quickie but husband is not a morning person and usually kids are up earlier than us so thats quite rare.

we do have sex prob once a fortnight But I always enjoy it when we do. but I want to want it more and I just… don’t. We were not particularly at it like rabbits when we were younger and before kids either but it was more frequent than now. He’s not got the greatest sex drive either although he’d never turn me down and he doesn’t ever pressure me (he’s great)

I think its its both a timing and a desire problem, probably on both our parts,
so I was thinking something herbal or natural I or we can take that might help or even him to have a stronger urge to want it more and I think we’d prob be Ok. So any advice or recommendations?

It's the timing and being knackered 💯 I get that too. Not sure what the solution is (other than we get opportunities during the day!). I cannot have sex on weekends night evenings

• weeknight evenings

Tell me about it absolutely out of the question!

Have you heard of Dr Karen Gurney? She's a psychologist and Dex therapist. Check her out on Instagram - I think you'd find her advice and info really helpful. She has a book too - it's called How not to Let Kids Ruin your Sex Life... She suggests that there is sexual "currency" you can build up to maintain desire, through behaviours and other physical affection.

No I haven’t heard of her but thank-you that could be helpful, I don’t have instagram but see she features on some podcasts and I love podcasts on my commute so I’ll take some time on that

I wish I prioritised time for sex in my previous marriage . Even if was even every couple of weeks I think scheduling time for sex when we weren't completely knackered would have helped. My parents would look after the kids when we would go out for a meal. We should have gone to a hotel !

I think it’s quite possible to squeeze in sex in the daytime with a busy family life. I find iPads are a blessing with my step dc and my partner had snuck up on a few occasions when he’s left them downstairs( he . I have a lock on my door and ok it was just a quickie but possible and feels so bloody good! The biggest problem you have is tiredness … do you have grand parents that they could have sleepover at once in a while? Or get a babysitter and book a hotel? My other idea is take a day off together and get back to bed after drop off. Same in morning, if they get up early then site out their breakfast, put a movie on and say mummy’s going upstairs to tidy up or whatever ( depends on age of you can leave unsupervised for a bit) and just wake your husband up. My partner isn’t a morning person but we do have early morning sex sometimes if we are awake at same time then he goes back to sleep anyway! The more sex you have the more you will want tbh.

No supplements or herbal remedies will make you less knackered in the evening. I second PP about stealing time away during the day, it's important.

Masturbate on your own regularly. I am definitely up for sex more when I've sorted myself out. It reawakens something in me if I'm feeling a bit lacklustre.

This used to be me completely. Two young dc, early 40s. Didn’t not fancy dh but was just so bloody tired. Sex was good when we did it, but just struggled to work up motivation. Dh found that hard. Anyway, I then stopped taking the pill and used other contraceptives - omg the difference is incredible in my sex drive. It’s like I’ve woken up. Don’t know if that helps…

@AnonAnonmystery

This is what we ended up doing. My wife was very unsure at first but the compromise was going in the bathroom. Lock on door shower on to mask any noise and then quick standing doggy (plenty of rails and things to hold onto)

Not the most romantic of sex but scratches the itch and she wouldn’t admit it but I think she likes the clandestine aspect of it now.

We were in this position Op . I think you just have to attach greater importance to it if you both feel it’s important. If your DH is not on the same page it will make it harder.

Both Karen Gurney’s books are good and although planning sex isn’t for everyone planning it though the heavier load of the children years for us kept us having sex and the benefits that brings .

We also went with intimacy where penetration wasn’t the goal. Just a nice bath and a massage which may or may not lead to sex. Sometimes we fell asleep sometimes we had sex . That took the pressure off a lot.

I also see you’ve mentioned desire read come as you are if you haven’t already that and mind the gap is where I stated and get DH to read them too!!

I can jump start my libido by reading erotica on my kindle 😬

It definitely helps to get me in the mood.

😂 I think unfortunately this is true

Thankyou for your input everyone

The kids are old enough to be left for a while although they have been known to come looking for us 🙈

I don’t think I could draw on grandparents or childcare more than we currently do, we get an evening childfree about once a month which is so lovely and we don’t want to take the piss by asking for more.

taking on board hints and tips about motivation and prioritising. I will def do some podcasts and possibly get the books recommended. try and make a bit more effort for us.

some women need to be able to switch out of “mum mode” though and couldn’t relax enough to enjoy sex (yes a quickie is fine but many women don’t orgasm during them) with kids awake and liable to shout “mum” any point…

For me, being able to be open and communicate with my husband during this time was key- yes we sometimes just had the quickie for connection but mostly during these stages we just tried to work to keep intimacy in our lives in a non sexual way- being honest, cuddling during sleep, chatting whilst in the bath, holding hands etc.

Is he happy with how things are at once a fortnight? If he needs less sleep could he waken you up for sex after you have an early night? Or if you’re both busy and knackered it might just be fine to accept sex is on the back burner for a wee while but keep the communication open and it will come back.

Try reading stories on Literotica. They work for me.

I'm curious that gymbunny2025 hasn't mentioned looking after one's health / fitness. I feel better and more energised when I'm fit and active and I imagine that's true for everyone.

Ha ha apologies @Catullus5😅

I do agree that it lets me feel like ‘me’ and definitely increases my libido overall. But I’m still dead by 9pm and I don’t think there’s anything that would change that (while in mum mode). Would much rather set alarm for 5am quickie

Haha I would say that I am fit and active, so I don’t think thats a factor in it for me. Still knackered though 😆

I think hes in the same boat as me tbh I don’t think he is very unhappy, he hasn’t said so. Maybe we should talk about that more. But He certainly doesn’t pressure me or pester me.

True, and actually you did say so in your OP. I've nothing to suggest. Young children are physically tiring. We got it on more once they were a bit older -and emotionally tiring-

There's a regular column in the Guardian called How We Do It and it's various couples (and sometimes more) in all sorts of situations and how they've adapted to circumstances. It's fascinating. People can be very creative. Perhaps it might give you some inspiration.

Honestly most people realise it’s a phase of life, are equally knackered (because they are sharing the load) and sleep comes before sex (no pun intended!) and most men love their partners and don’t want to hassle them. Sounds like you and DH are just a normal couple who care for each other deeply and once every 2 weeks is pretty amazing really during this phase. It’ll naturally come back when you’re less tired