No sex, no intimacy, separate sleeping

[SignWandering]

Advice please, as a M with older F DP.

DP has quite literally not been near me for months. We've had sex once this year, I can't remember the last time we had a cuddle, we don't kiss.

Every time I've tried to initiate any intimacy she's recoiling, making an excuse, or just wants to go to sleep.

We haven't shared a bed (save one or two nights for over a year). I'm normally on the sofa.

I remember DP saying to me if a woman does not want to sleep with her partner there's something to worry about.

For clarity, I do more than my fair share of housework, childcare for DSCs, I do lots of 'things' many partners complain husbands don't do.

We're just living as acquaintances and its making me miserable.

Probably worth talking to her about how you are feeling and making some space so you can have a deeper conversation than you might have had to date? Don't expect too much from the first chat as it's easy for everyone to feel defensive when they hear their partner is feeling miserable. But talking together is going to shine more light on the problem than anyone on this site can.

you used the word recoil when ever you try any form of intimacy which to me, is telling, and tells me that you are very much roommates and she no longer sees you as a husband not a sexual partner.

I’m truly sorry.

I feel a lot of the time, a lack of intimacy and sex can be worked on but from what you e said, I can’t see any way back for you.

a few questions;

how old are your DC’s?

why do you sleep on the sofa? Is this your choice or hers? Has it just happened naturally?

when you do have sex, is it good? Does she seem into omit or does it seem forced?

how is the relationship apart from the sex?

is there a moment you can pin point when the intimacy stopped?

lastly, and most importantly, why haven’t you had a proper conversation with her?