is it ‘normal’ for me to get turned on by my partner watching porn

[Newearah]

This is a weird one for me. I never had a problem with porn ‘per se’ , enjoyed it on paper long before the internet was a thing and then enjoyed it online for myself for years.
I went off it a lot when I looked more into the background of it & then was turned off altogether when a long term partner preferred secret porn use over having sex with me and would not even entertain the thought of watching together for shared arousal and I was left feeling unattractive and insecure.
fast forward, I was single a long time and became very physically unwell as well as depressed and my libido took a huge hit.
the only way I could get off was with various sex toys and I started to reintroduce porn, pretty much solely lesbian because I like it more and it feels less problematic (maybe kidding myself)
anyway, I am now in a relationship again and my partner and I have a fantastic sex life but he is also on medication which makes it hard for him to finish.
I really enjoy al aspects of our sex life and we’re quite open with each other about fantasies etc.
chat led to discussing porn and he turns out we have similar tastes - I’m sure his are broader but he loves ‘lesbian’ stuff , surprise surprise 🤣
we have watched it together a few times now, usually after a long session or long weekend where we’ve had a lot of sex but he’s had few or no orgasms, due to the medical inorgasmia.
it seems to do the trick where we’ve built up over a period of time.
it really really turns me on enjoying it together and seeing him get into it and he seems to feel the same way.
i consider myself a feminist and feel conflicted by all of this on a logical level but on a physical level i love it. I enjoy it without him too and I know he does without me and I really enjoy finding things I know he will like and we both really enjoy talking about it without even watching it .
also without a doubt most of the women we watch are 100% hotter then me, younger, fitter etc and it doesn’t bother me, but I’m sure it would have years ago, I don’t know, I’ve always had a high sex drive and a few same sex experiences so I enjoy seeing attractive women getting it on.

Think it’s ok but I guess because the conflict is there I want to ask here

neither of us are up for inviting real life people into the mix and I have done this many moons ago and feel no need now much as the discussion thereof is hugely enjoyable 🤣

I don't know about normal (is there such a thing?!) but me and my partner enjoy porn together (occasionally) but more often will share stuff or discuss stuff if we're apart. It turns me on that he is turned on I guess. I've never felt any jealousy about what he watches, although he does know I'm only into the more attractive couples (he's less fussy 😂) but it gives us ideas to try and also learn about each others fantasies. Sometimes it means one of us can just rest/watch while the other enjoys ourselves if we're together too

I read an article on the Psychology Today website a couple of years ago that was discussing a certain kind of porn. It likened it to watching a Bruce Willis movie - it's just entertainment and if you tried to shoot a gun like that you'd get hurt.
If you're concerned about the ethics, search out Erika Lust - ethical porn made by women for women.
If you and your partner enjoy something together, you can count yourselves lucky and who cares what's normal?!

Don't be tempted to over-analyse things; if what you get up to works for you, then get on with it, have fun, and to heck with what anyone might feel about it.

Ah I love these replies, thank you 🤩 I am a ‘thinker’ so sometimes it is hard to just appreciate the fun for what it is which is really good fun.
I think if I felt like we were lacking in anyway or shortchanged like I have been in the past it might be different but it’s something we both love
having experienced inorgasmia myself with meds I really do enjoy that I can be part of the experience of him being able to completely relax and let go plus be in the moment and enjoy the build up . He has said thank you to me before for persevering, I don’t think he realises how much I love getting multiple goes, its like being young again 🤣

Haha yes I think if there is a ‘normal’ scale, we’re on the less outre end 😆
we have a lot of time apart due to our personal lives so it is fun having that frisson when apart too and like you say, it’s fun learning more about what makes each other tick.
Speaking of guns, i chuckle to myself sometimes when I see things that I don’t think are realiistic in any way like the extreme nerf water gun type squirting but it is all part of the fun, I enjoy the whole package and really enjoy him enjoying it with me

Never watched Erika lust although have heard of her, thank you I will have a look

firstly, as @Gymbunny2025 said, there isn’t such thing as normal, everybody is different.

I’ve watched porn with ex’s before, it can be a great way for you both to get in the mood. We used to replicate what we were watching simultaneously and it was a lot of fun!

it’s good that you aren’t bothered or feel insecure about the actresses, remember they have spent hours getting prepped before any scenes and the lighting is typically very flattering as well. If you ever come accross an actress ‘out of role’ they look very different and almost certainly no more attractive than you.

just remember , not all men want fake boobs, a size 8 figure and make up done to the hills.

i also think most wives and girlfriends would be quite surprised at the type of porn most men watch. You’ll find , in most cases it’s much more diverse than you think and it’s very rarely just one type of body/look/actress.

Yes I think the fact we have such attraction for each other too removes the need to feel insecure , as I said in the op, I have been rejected in favour of porn before and that b made me feel terrible but that’s not the fault of the actors, it’s because I stayed too long trying to make something work that made me incredibly unhappy.
this is something that enhances the fun and I think the element of ‘naughtiness’ makes it even more enjoyable.
we have been friends our whole lives which probably gives it more of a cheeky frisson too

i never understand why any man would substitute sex for porn. I can understand why a woman would though if the sex is really crappy.

I'm sorry this happened to you in precious relationships, just see it as a lucky escape.

I think sex is so so so important in a healthy relationship, and the reality is no one can stop any one from watching porn, but embrace it together and have fun with it! You can even create a few pornos of your own so he has his own personal selection of porn with you as the main star for when you’re not around!

@smithey855 "i never understand why any man would substitute sex for porn. I can understand why a woman would though if the sex is really crappy."
That suggests that for men, sex is just a simple physical act, there no emotions involved, and that sex can only be crappy for women. As a man, have you really never had sex you didn't really enjoy?

That suggests that for men, sex is just a simple physical act, there no emotions involved,

I think, for the most part, it is just a simple physical act for men.

I know men can and do have sex they didn’t really enjoy, I think it’s easier on the whole for men to get on with it and finish even if it was disappointing, boring and even not consensual (from the man)
women tend to need to be more in the mood to enjoy it but i know that men can have ‘bad‘ sex!

What?????

What? You don't agree?

I think it can be a moment where 2 people become 1 (lol) or just scratching a physical itch for both men and women personally.

I would disagree that masturbation replaced sex for either though. Completely different to me.

I also don't understand why some men prefer porn to sex. I'm assuming it's because they no longer desire their partners in that way?

I certainly don't!

OK 👍

I’ve no idea, I think partly laziness, partly a quick fix, partly because those men may have started young on porn and lost or never learned the joy of sex and intimacy, or don’t know how to ask for what they would enjoy during sex, habit etc etc
i looked into all avenues with my exh and tried everything I could think of to make it work but I was completely out of my depth, and it was very hard to talk to friends about because as soon as I said porn was an issue they’d look at me like I had two heads and then came up with all the usual defences.
Being repeatedly rejected by someone who you love and are attracted to is devastating and took me years to recover from.
im at least two stone heavier now, far less groomed, much older and less attractive but have been having some of the most fun and liberated sex of my life since that marriage

Not at all, surely having sex with a real human is an emotional act whilst masturbation is more of a physical act?

Have I had crappy sex? Of course I have, sometimes because of me, sometimes because of her.

in response to @Gymbunny2025 point as WHY some men might choose porn over sex, there could be a variety of reasons, it might be they just don’t fancy their woman any more and don’t get the same physical stimulation, it might be because of ED issues and masturbation is just safer and easier but I’d go as far as saying normally it’s because of habit and routine which like drugs can get out of control. It’s also a lot less effort to have a wank than to have physical sex.

@smithey855 Not at all, surely having sex with a real human is an emotional act whilst masturbation is more of a physical act?

I suppose when I talk about emotion I'm talking about an emotional 'connection' to the woman you're having sex with. Something a little more than sex. Not just feeling happy because you're having sex.

I mentioned on the FWB thread. I know a guy who admits he thought his partner was ugly, he was never attracted to her and he didn't even like her that much. He dated her for years, they had kids. If you're having sex with someone you don't really like and don't find attractive..... can you be emotionally connected to them?

That’s really sad. I don’t know why people stay in unhappy relationships nowadays, especially when there’s no attraction, sex is important to me, at least until the time I can no longer partake. My sex drive has decreased with age and health issues but I still have a very high drive in comparison with a lot of my friends and in comparison with ex partners.

We have a p0rn hub account we’ve uploaded videos too and both can log in. He absolutely loves watching the videos I have watched in the history page and gets really turned on by what I’ve wank3d over. Like wise I like to see what he’s watched and I’ll w4nk over that lol