How to gain confidence?

[raisinglettuce]

I've been with my DH since I was 14 I'm now 36. He's the love of my life. 3 small children together. We've always had an affectionate relationship, and have sex around once a week we both have full time jobs and manage a small business ontop.
After having the children I put on quite a bit of weight and lost my confidence being on top and being naked around him, we always had the lights off as I felt uncomfortable. He's been amazing always told me he finds me attractive and that I gave him his babies. When we have sex I love it and we both get pleasure and feel loved from each other and then I could literally rip his clothes off for days after with wanting it more.
I read a post on here about making the move back on top, so I tried it again loved it but I'm not sure he really did? I felt like a whale on him. How do I get good on top again? I feel like a failure like I've forgot how to actually do it!
Pre children I had the confidence and wouldn't think twice about climbing on him but now I just want to vomit at though of him not enjoying me 😔 I've been working out and eating better to try and drop some weight to feel better in myself. Our youngest is nearly 5 and the children are all at primary school so I have no excuse of having a baby why I'm like this. Any advice on making that first step would be greatly appreciated

ok he obviously, IMO, likes you on top so put that one to bed. I understand your lack of confidence here but don’t understand who you thinking him enjoying you whilst your large making you feel ill.

My advice would be,
buy some pretty but sexy lingerie in your size and the size below and think “I’m going to get into that when I lose my weight.
Wear pretty lingerie, lacy bras, knicks tights, stockings, hold ups for you, regularly, it gives you confidence.

Join slimming world, the group process helps, I even got prescribed free classes a few years back, not sure if can now but try and check it out with your GP

Above all, your se life actually seems in a very good place! Enjoy xxx

What gave you the impression he didn't enjoy it? He knows what you look like and you loved it so I'm sure he actually really did!

The man has eyes - he can see what you look like and is still having sex with you and is connecting with you emotionally. You can tell him how you feel, it sounds like he would reassure you.

I guess as he was trying to move under me to go faster. Instead of letting me enjoy moving on him. He knows how I feel about my weight and I am doing something about it now. I guess I just feel like I'm doing it wrong. I guess I just need a shot of something, dress in nice underwear and get in there 🤦‍♀️ I find him so attractive still after all this time he says he finds me to, it's just actually believing it to have the confidence

As a guy, the most attractive things about any women is being confident, and loving who they are and owning what they've got.

Everyone has body issues, I have a weird eye and a bionic penis, but that's me and they make me unique.

I don't mind bigger women at all, if they are comfortable being naked around me that's sexy as hell, however, even a more petite women can become unattractive if she's not body confident. I hope this makes sense and doesn't offend anyone - I'm not sure i've executed what i wanted to say quite right?!

It sounds like hes really into it and you and getting excited if hes moving faster. You sound like a lovely couple.
smithey855 can I ask about the bionic penis????

Thank you, I guess it's my insecurities getting the better of me, In my head I always think one day he will go off me. And leave me. He tells me he's not interested in anyone else and wouldn't ever hurt me. I grew up seeing my parents both have affairs and the aftermath hurt, so he knows I've always been insecure and I've told him this is what my head always thinks. He has female friends, I trust him 100%. it's just disappointing him I struggle with. Which as you said leads back to the confidence.

I just don't want to get on him and disappoint as it's been a long while, as those positions were so painful during my pregnancies - the most attractive thing to me is he's not shamed of me bigger or smaller he still shows me affection at home and in public. I just want to keep the spark and please him

People rarely cheat because they find someone better, you only need to look at celebs who have cheated - Ashley Cole instantly comes to mind…..

remember, you never have to do anything you don’t want to do, or feel uncomfortable doing; and also sex should be fun, not giving you anxiety!

you should be able to communicate, ask each other what you both like, each others insecurities and each other fantasies.

When I got my implant, I lost size, I was massively insecure but because I couldn’t change what I had, I played to its advantages and took control. Because I did this, the size ( although not small ) is no longer an insecurity for me.

inhad an ex once who was overweight, I didn’t really mind because I loved her regardless, but she kept saying how she hated her body, how she wanted to change, but she never did anything about it and I found this waaaay more unattractive than her body itself.

I guess what i’m trying to say is only you can change how you feel and only you can change the way you look….

Manhood size I don't find important, the connection you have is way more important to me, and feeling 'safe' but I don't have hardly any experience I've only been with 3 men in my life. Where as my husband had quite a lot of experience before me. I guess we've learned together.
This is what I didn't want to appear unattractive to him but inbetween the children I lost weight then put some back on having the next baby ect but since my youngest we've had so much on I haven't been in the mindset although unhappy with myself and lost my confidence.
I'm a natural worrier and over thinker and get insomnia as a result so I prob don't do myself any favours with climbing ontop as I've over thought it before even doing it.
Thank you for being honest with me

All he did was thrust a bit while you were on top?!

Sorry I know it's not funny but I think you're projecting quite a lot onto him!!

If he's moving about underneath you then that could just as easily indicate that he's enthusiastic. Or maybe doesn't want it to feel like you're doing all the work. If you'd rather he kept still then this seems like an ideal opportunity for a little pillow talk - "Now, let's see if you can be a good boy and keep perfectly still while I have my wicked way with you". Well, that's a bit corny, but you get the idea. There's no harm in asking, and if you can build it into your intimate play in a way which sounds like you're confident and know what you want then so much the better.

He sounds like a nice guy. Particularly where he references that your body gave him his children that’s pretty hot.

My wife’s body changed after kids (doesn’t everyones) she was very petite and perky her body now is softer and more fluid. I love the changes and have very fond memories of the old one and guess what I’ve changed too and she like you loves mine.

ive read and re read your posts and you sound hot. The statement about him enjoying you is 🔥 . There are loads of guys on here wishing they were in DS position.

He will know you feel the way you do he’ll fell it . If he says your sexy believe him. Just get back up there lights on, head back,tits forward and ride him like sea biscuit.

Thank you, I will definitely try this, I think him trying to take charge while I'm up there that's actually making me doubt myself a little. Again coming back to the overthinking and confidence

Thank you, I really appreciate your reply it's nice to see this from a gentleman's point of view also, can I ask did your wife lose confidence after the children? With her body changing did she become self conscious in front of you? Did she continue being on top the whole time during and after children?
He's a good guy he had an awful upbringing being unloved as a child and struggled with affection when we first got together. so I always make a point and tell him how much I love him and what I love about him and his body, it's so attractive to me seeing him come from that to being such an incredible, loving dad to our children.
He's never had insecurities about his body and is very confident in front of me I just wish I could feel the same confidence, he said he can see that I'm trying to get out of my safe zone, he keeps reminding me it's just us in our own 'bubble' but it's the fear of disappointment that also I keep thinking - will definitely try the last points!! thank you

My advice is get on top, hold his hands on your boobs and move slowly for a bit, then move his arms above his head and hold them down and go as hard and fast as you can! Oh and you can always blindfold him while you're doing it all if it makes you feel more confident.

Thank you I think I need to invest in a decent blindfold as I tried this with a tie and he wriggled it off and tilted his head to see underneath. Thank you, this makes sense as I'm sure i could build confidence up until I'm confident to do without the blindfold

My wife did notice the changes and thankfully she embraced the extra bounce. I can relate to your husband because it was other pregnancy related changes that affected her which stopped previously enjoyed activities. Like your husband I tried to reassure and talk to her, but my words were not enough, and it did make me sad that the gifts that were our children were inherently the source of this change for us.

Glad to say that over some time we have got back into the grove, and everything is back on the table which has been wonderful. It was a combination of time and commitment on her part to improve the way she felt about herself I did my best to support but inevitably it had to come from her.

As an op above wrote sexual confidence and freedom in a woman is just about the hottest thing ever. Your husband is right your home is your bubble and sex is possible the most intimate you can ever be with another human in your own words enjoying each other’s bodies with total freedom is where you want to be and he is the only one who can see you, it’s your head is holding you back.

Its easier to say but hard to do but in coming on here and even replying to me your probably more confident than you think, and the body confidence can flow from that.

Get on up there and enjoy yourselves!

Thank you it's been some time since ive been up on there. we had our children close in ages. We do other things to keep the spice and like I said previously my only experience is really only with him, he taught me what he likes and what I like really.

He's never put pressure on me he says now and again come get on me, but it's my own decision making me want to improve and not battle with my own head. I really want to please him on top.

Thank you for sharing your own experiences it's nice to know (in a nice way) that you went through similar and your brave, amazing wife overcome her insecurities and you were a gentleman being so patient, supportive and understanding.

I will take on all the suggestions as I said in my first post we have sex once a week due to being so exhausted after work/children/housework/business maybe we could up our game to another session.

Speaking to people I'm fine and with my line of work, it's just de-clothing and getting on it! I'm hoping working out more will increase my performance 🤞