I have recently started dating someone who I really like on all levels, for context he is shorter and more petite than anyone I have dated before (by design as I feel less like a monster as a larger woman next to very tall and/or bulky men) and he is also smaller down there (average, and comparable to others I have been with in length, but not a lot of girth)
When we first started doing anything sexual I was worried he would find me too loose because I saw his size and know other larger guys have found me comfortable/not the tightest (paraphrasing things I've actually been told) but he has been enjoying penetrative sex and cum really easily so now I seriously doubt if it is my/his size compatibility that's an issue or whether it is a mental, or other issue on my side as I am still not enoying it
Background, I had a SA relationship when I was 19/20 and was then celibate for almost 9 years out of fear (I tried a couple of times after and would freeze when clothes got taken off etc.), I have only ever finished with a guy with the SA partner (who took my virginity) early on before it got to the stage of SA, after that I did not and I only cum now when using 1 particular toy of mine on the right vibrating pattern
But I have felt more/enjoyed sex with other (larger) partners in the last 2 years since ending the celibate period, but not finished, usually through penetration as I find receiving oral awkward and often not enjoyed it (and my new partner has tried this too and I also felt less than I have with other guys as he was really slow, I only seem to enjoy hard and fast sex of any kind and he is more gentle/intimate with me but given I dissociate a little during sex particularly during oral I find it hard to remember/verbalise what I liked about other guys doing oral to me to be able to communicate this to him)
Considering all of these factors I wonder if I am fundamentally sexually incompatible with my current partner, psychologically/physically still recovering from the past more than I realised (maybe I have parts of me which have low sensitivity because of this which is why I only feel larger guys when they hit other parts yet the smaller guy still enjoys it with me because the size isn't actually incompatible it's just how my body responds), or have ruined myself by only finishing with one toy in one way...
Does anyone have any similar experiences (struggling to feel/lack of sensitivity) and/or only finishing with one toy/one way? What helped/any advice please?