DH lack of Libido

Biggun60 · 2025-02-10T01:37:05+00:00

We have had a few years of hardly any sex unless i instigate it. Before this he had said he wasn't very good at it. We did have really good sex sometimes and really bad at others. We left it that I wouldn't pressurise him and wait till he suggested it. This has been almost inexistent for about 3 years now. Also when we do it it's not very good. We sleep in separate rooms now due to him occasionally using a CPAP machine and me being a light sleeper. I think I still want him to suggest I get in bed with him or vice versa but it doesn't happen unless I suggest it. I am 64 and still want sex sometimes. Its really affecting me. He has always said he loves me and in his way I know he does but I feel morelike a sister than a wife. We have been married 20 years and there is nobody else in the house. I just keep thinking I need to leave but I am very unsure of anything any more.

GarrynotsoGorilla · 10/02/2025 09:11

@Biggun60 I really can appreciate your challenge, you love this man and crave his intimacy, but he doesn't feel the same way, he probably loves you deeply but just lacks the urges. Could his health issues be part of this?

Why is it not very good when you do do it? What issues are you finding then? How was your sex life though your marriage?

When you say you have to suggest s x how do you go about that? Would it be worth trying the sexy lingerie approach? Maybe try something to get him into the mood before rather than just asking? Maybe instigate something on the sofa? Maybe it has become routine for him?

DDDDDDDDDDDDTFB · 10/02/2025 12:09

I'm guessing you are through the stage of asking what the problem is and working on it? I have a similar situation, 3 years also. ( in our 40s ) It's frustrating but the options seem to be limited. Put up with it assuming everything else at home is good, don't put up with it (leave) or see if OH is willing to open the relationship and you can find someone more willing.

Gymbunny2025 · 10/02/2025 15:10

GarrynotsoGorilla · 10/02/2025 09:11

@Biggun60 I really can appreciate your challenge, you love this man and crave his intimacy, but he doesn't feel the same way, he probably loves you deeply but just lacks the urges. Could his health issues be part of this?

Why is it not very good when you do do it? What issues are you finding then? How was your sex life though your marriage?

When you say you have to suggest s x how do you go about that? Would it be worth trying the sexy lingerie approach? Maybe try something to get him into the mood before rather than just asking? Maybe instigate something on the sofa? Maybe it has become routine for him?

I think sexy lingerie could leave you feeling even more humiliated. If a man fancies and desires you he will want sex even if you are wearing his old t shirt and joggers.

I personally can't think of anything worse than being turned down after I've made a real effort.

OP it sounds like he has serious health issues but loves you and is content with companionship. Of course you could end things but if you also love him it's a risk... I think I'd assume I'd be single for the rest of my life personally. Or there's the option to discreetly get your needs met elsewhere?

GarrynotsoGorilla · 10/02/2025 15:15

@Gymbunny2025 You could well be right about feeling more humiliated, and yes in my view of the world it wouldn't matter much what someone was wearing, more about them projecting the desire for me in a way that was tangible to me.
There are no easy choices here sadly.

Original poster

Biggun60 · 10/02/2025 19:57

GarrynotsoGorilla · 10/02/2025 15:15

@Gymbunny2025 You could well be right about feeling more humiliated, and yes in my view of the world it wouldn't matter much what someone was wearing, more about them projecting the desire for me in a way that was tangible to me.
There are no easy choices here sadly.

I have done the sexy clothes more than once over the years. Being knocked back st this point is heartbreaking and very upsetting

OP posts:

Original poster

Biggun60 · 10/02/2025 20:09

GarrynotsoGorilla · 10/02/2025 09:11

@Biggun60 I really can appreciate your challenge, you love this man and crave his intimacy, but he doesn't feel the same way, he probably loves you deeply but just lacks the urges. Could his health issues be part of this?

Why is it not very good when you do do it? What issues are you finding then? How was your sex life though your marriage?

When you say you have to suggest s x how do you go about that? Would it be worth trying the sexy lingerie approach? Maybe try something to get him into the mood before rather than just asking? Maybe instigate something on the sofa? Maybe it has become routine for him?

He would have to be wanting me for it to be routine.
He knows its a problem and states "I have never been that much into sex" but we have had good times occasionally in the past and he has told me of experiences with previous wives which refute that statement. I just want him to be interested enough to genuinely want me. Not the doing it because he knows I want it.

OP posts: