Can't orgasm without vibrator

[shutterby]

This is embarrassing as I'm 40 yrs old but have never orgasmed from intercourse or digital stimulation. I have almost from oral sex.

I use my vibrator throughout sexual intercourse. So DH/I will use it on me a few times throughout and have no problems with that.

I'd love to cum without the toy, or even just with DH fingers. He says I haven't the patience because I get fed up trying and just reach for the vibrator.

Anyone else in the same boat?

OP, can you climax from oral? Oral is my preferred route to orgasm in terms of intensity. Generally (but not always) l prefer to use a vibey for solo use.

But hey, l don’t see this as a big deal. You are experiencing an orgasm, how you get there is less important in my view.

I am 50 and I never been able to come without doing it myself with my hand. I love to do this whilst having sex. It's how I've always been. It doesn't hold me back. I would hate to be instructed that I am not patient enough. It's not a homework task that you need to get through. I would find my partner mansplaining how I should orgasm infuriating.

Expressed better than l could have put it. We are all responsible for our own orgasm.

I've only been able to consistently orgasm during intercourse since I've been with my DH. With other men it was hit and miss and I usually didn't. I'd orgasm myself with fingers or a vibrator whilst alone. Even now though, the type of orgasms I have with him are internal and from my G spot. The exposed part of my clit is incredibly sensitive and I don't like anyone directly touching me there. I need to be in control of what is being done to it. He needs to be more understanding of your needs. It's your body and you know what's best for it.

If you genuinely want to come without the vibrator for you then having been in a similar situation to your partner, there is every chance that his comments about your patience is correct. My Partner of 20+ years was very similar to you could not orgasm at all then we bought a Magic wand that appeared to just blast through and wake everything up. Gradually she was able to tap into this feeling and be able to orgasm though oral and digital stim (still not PIV),

It also took her to get out of her own head and relax take the pressure off herself and to not get frustrated that she was taking to long when I really could not be bothered how long it was taking and never lost patience. Also took her ages to be able to articulate what was nice and what wasn’t because as much I as I cared I can’t read her mind. Also have now worked out that I had no chance really without her talking to me as sometimes what works in that moment clearly does no work the next time and then that will work again another time.

She read a few good books and watched OMGyes and then I read and watched them too. I did a little bit of work on my own technique and we both slowed down. We created a better space for ourselves within our busy lives and prioritised it as something important to both of us. She had a very patriarchal view that sex was for me and not for us from her upbringing, that change in her mindset was crucial I believe. Also, I’d say slow down and communicate better about it outside the bedroom. It is worth the effort and in some times tears, Its free ,healthy and brings you closer together and the journey should be fun.

best of luck Op

@2Boiledeggs is right, slow right down and find what feels good. OMG website is a great resource as is the book Come as you are. Make feeling good the goal not having an orgasm (hopefully that will come once the pressure is off).

I mostly use toys to orgasm because it's faster / easier but it is hard to break the habit or reaching for the 'easy option'. The orgasm is definitely stronger if I have the patience to get there by hand though!

She said in her post she “almost” can come from oral sex.

Than you. I somehow missed that. x

Thanks everyone for the advice. I had a look at that website recommended and looks great. I actually have that book 'come as you are' on audible and totally forgot about it so will give that a go.

I do need to slow down when it comes to sex. I get impatient and just reach for the vibrator. I know there's no issue with using it but just would love to come in other ways.

After I posted this, I came across a thread on tantric sex/yoni massage etc and have researched it. I think it will really help me take the focus off orgasming and just enough the whole experience so DH and I have been looking into that. For the first time ever last night, I came within a couple of mins from masturbating myself while having sex after watching a video about sensual massage so delighted with that! Normally it takes a lifetime!

such a nice post. It highlights the most important thing: all of this starts out being psychological/emotional. We have to permit ourselves to let go. That is really the foundation for all of it. And we are very good at putting on the brakes. So we have to learn how to take them off.

Whilst I can orgasm without using a vibrator/dildo etc if and when I do it just makes me cum a lot quicker than a man does lol.

I think that applies to the majority of us. It’s efficiency as opposed to touchy feely. All quite different. Which is why my vibey is my morning wake up on most days, before coffee.