Husband and I joined fab swingers and feeling a bit overwhelmed with it all

[icebearforpresident]

I know it’s the sex topic but there’s always someone who makes assumptions so pre-facing this post by saying DH has not placed any pressure on me whatsoever. Joining is a joint decision, led by me.

So, we’ve joined fab swingers with a view to having a threesome with another woman and possibly couple swapping. We’ve been together since we were 18, neither of us never been with anyone else and a threesome with another woman is a long standing fantasy of ours that we have now agreed it’s time to fulfil. We signed up last night and didn’t even add any photos (I know we’ll have to but the thought of being recognised is mortifying, even though I’ve set our location to our nearest city which is over an hour from where we actually live!) and on logging in today we have 5 messages from people making initial contact.

If you use the site how do you do it? We kind of expected no one would make contact and all of a sudden they have! How do you figure out who the scammers are, the time wasters and satisfy yourself that anyone you respond to isn’t being forced in some way?

I’m not even sure if FS is the right site for us so please let us know if there’s any where else we should be looking.

Any help regular users of the site can give total newbies like us would be appreciated!

Is Feeld a little bit less overwhelming? Never been on Fab so not sure.

Hi,

I’ve used the site for years without any major issues. I think every site or app has its pros and cons. Don’t worry about receiving some messages early on. I think a lot of sites will bombard you with matches early. Plus, there also always going to be some men you will just message everyone hoping for any type or reply. Just ignore those. Unfortunately fakes, timewasters and bullsh*ers are going to be a problem no matter which site you use.

On your profile be very open and honest about what exactly you are looking for.

Try to only talk to people who have verified accounts. Many accounts also have messages from others that they have met which will help you to confirm if they are genuine. If you decide to talk to someone who is not verified be extra cautious.

Don’t share any private details.

Don’t worry about positing face pictures or people you may know seeing you on there. You can restrict access to pictures if you want so only people you chose can view them (friends only galleries) or you can send them privately once you have begun communicating with someone.

When you do begin chatting to people proceed at you own pace.

Again, be open and honest about what exactly you are looking for, sexual interests, etc. Always try to have a video call with them before meeting to help confirm its them in their pictures.

If you do meet someone meet them somewhere public first. It’s always best to use a hotel. Don’t use your home address.
Don’t be afraid to turn them down if something doesn’t feel right or if your just aren’t feeling it.

Hi OP,

If you are specifically looking for single guys, you can edit your messages filters for them not to message you, this could cut down on a lot of traffic . Ditto for age range.

We were a bit like rabbits in a headlight at first but it's funny how quickly you grow a thick skin on that site.

If people don't put much effort into messaging i.e. Wanna fuck or one liners, for us it's generally an early warning sign that people aren't worth pursuing and just block. As foxy said there are some time wasters unfortunately but plenty of genuine people.

Good luck.

I come from a small town , where everyone knows everyone, I joined Fab for hook ups as didn’t want to be meeting anyone local for fun ..
You don’t put up a face pic , so you don’t have to worry about anyone recognising you ..
My profile pic was of me in a dress From neck down & then A few of me in underwear, neck down aswel ..
Always insist on a coffee date first, you have to meet someone to see if ye click and that you get a good vibe from them before organising a hotel date ..
Now i always had exchanged a face pic first , you need to converse for a while first aswel to see you are talking to someone geuine ..
Never entertain anyone that is not verified….
There are lots of not geuine people on it & lots of nice people aswel 😊…..
I consider myself to be a good judge of Character & have been lucky , the guys I met were , nice , normal & geuine …
I did have fun .. Lots of people don’t get Fab , at the end of the day it was the same to me as meeting someone on a night out , only essentially safer, as I had met for coffee with them first .. Obviously never brought them to my home , nor would I go to theirs, not that they suggested..
Met them then for a night out , good company , drinks & Fun ..
That was my experience with Fab ..
Good luck x

Thanks all for the advice. This has been a long time coming, the other woman fantasy has been with us for years and if we hadn’t been together so long and didn’t have kids we probably would have dived straight in but there’s been a lot of talking and discussing boundaries to get to this point because there’s the fear that it will go wrong and ruin our relationship.

Anyway, everything you have suggested is pretty much what we’ve discussed already so I suppose we’re doing something right? Played around with our profile and really made it clear who/what we are looking for and even added a couple of photos - tame photos in comparison with most of what we have seen but sexy enough that we’ve had a couple of comments and responses on them which has given me a lovely ego boost. I’m a size 22, never feel sexy anymore and have pretty low self esteem about my appearance, something I’ll have to work on for this I know.

We’re also from a small town where everyone knows everyone and already spotted a few people from here, no one we recognise but seeing our town listed has convinced me setting our location further away was the right decision!

I‘m on FAB and have to say that I ignore more than half the messages I get sent. Anyone who sends a dick pic or wants an immediate hookup is deleted.

I’ve met a couple of nice guys on there but it’s hard going wading through all the crap.

I much prefer Killing Kittens. It’s women-led so I’ve always found the men to be much more respectful. And, at the risk of sounding like a terrible snob, the membership on KK is more middle-class and educated.

If you’re looking for that elusive unicorn, I’d suggest you join some community chats and just make friends. DP and I play with a gorgeous woman who we met purely by chance at a group weekend away when she was with her (then) partner.

Another Fab user here. My profile name gives it away.

Be clear about what you are looking for and stick to it. Use the filters so you won't be inundated with messages from people who aren't suitable. Anybody who crosses your line of suitable behaviour, just block. Be prepared to meet for a coffee or drink in the build up. Have a great time.

Why don't you just go on something like hinge, find people you are attracted to, who list 'non-monogamy' and other preferences, and then if you have a connection, ask them? That's a more natural way to find people. Personally I would kind of love 2 guys and me, I think, but if I ever ever go there, it will be 2 guys I've been talking to for a year, met separately, and then if they want to do that. I find the idea of random instantaneous hook up utterly off-putting, myself. But that's just me. I am a baby. Cool. I know that and I am handling myself with kid gloves.

You could try using the filters to block everybody, then you actively search the site for someone that matches your wishes / likes, and message them...

There's even a way to look at people without them knowing, but I don't know how to do that.

Keep your wits about you, you might find that it's not as easy to find a single woman who wants to fulfil your fantasy for you as you might like, and it's more difficult than you might think to find another couple where you're all equally as interested in your counterpart, but if you're patient and respectful and up front you might hit the jackpot. There are a lot of "straight" men on there who are far from it, worth being aware of.

If either of you feel you want to back out at any point, agree a code word and you both bail immediately without question.

We aren’t looking for a random, instantaneous hook up and no where in here have I said we are. Our profile says we are only interested in contact with those who would be happy to meet in person before any encounter so everyone involved can decide if they are happy to proceed and that we are taking everything super slowly so won’t be rushed into anything.

We were feeling brave last night and messaged a couple whose expectations seem to match ours. Don’t think they will message back but seems like a brave first step has been taken. To be honest our sex drive has been through the roof since we signed up and the sex has been amazing! Even if we don’t get to live the fantasy it’s done us wonders!

Fab is not for the faint-hearted but you can make it work for you. Set your filters so you can’t be messaged by single guys, newbie accounts, unverified accounts and those who aren’t site-supporters (I think you can block all those, it’s a few years since I set up my account)

For me, I ignore and block all users who send one-liner messages, those who message twice (or more) without me responding to the first, those who have dick pic profile pics or no profile pics, those who’ve put no effort into their profile, those who are looking for an immediate meet etc.

I always insist on a social meet first, anyone who whinges about that, or makes it sound like they’re doing me a huge favour by agreeing to it, is blocked. Any whiff of entitlement (usually these guys helpfully identify themselves by their status updates) and they’re gone.

I’ve met some wonderful guys there and had great fun, and continue to meet some of the men from there still. Others have been once-offs that were fine, but not worth repeating, and I’ve had one that was a bad meet, despite a promising social a week prior. I’ve had socials where it’s been clear we wouldn’t click and we’ve both been happy to leave it there.

Another word of advice, be very slow to give out your phone number. Use an app like telegram if you do want to take communication off the site.

Good luck! And have fun!

Fab can be overwhelming - its a sweetshop! But I use it to see what events are happening - meeting people in person helps to make new friends as well as potential for more. Why don't you try and find socials. These are meeting people with no expectations of anything else. It's chilled and fun, promise! Feel free to DM me too.

Back to update you all. We’ve been getting braver in terms of what we post - no face pictures on there but a couple that are definitely x-rated. Both enjoying the comments and attention we’ve been getting and had some flirty messages back and forth with a couple of couples but not ‘met’ anyone we’re ready to meet with in person yet.

We have a night out planned in the city we have set our location to at the end of next month. We’re attending a concert so it’s not specific to this but we’re thinking that a week or so in advance we might put up a social meet. State clearly that it will just be a social meet (and the concert removes any opportunity to go further anyway) but would be a good opportunity to meet someone we might click with.

It sounds like you are being sensible about things. Move at your own pace, not someone elses.

I played as single on fab and couldnt respond to the overwhelming amount of messages i had from just a couple scantily clad faceless photos, great for my self esteem tho i, i have also started playing on couples go wild... i have always fancied playing as single with another couple

I know a friend who’s 78 & he’s met a couple on there. The lady is 32. Her partner just likes her with other men & takes pics. He’s 20 years older.

I've read a lot on here, and some of it is interesting in quite a sordid way, but that sounds rather grim. Maybe I'm blinkered, or can't see the appeal.

Same!

I suspect a lot of women in the swinging community are manipulated into it by their partners. Probably explains why there are a million times more single men interested in it than single women.

Hi i have used fab and now couplesgowild for a few years now and i have never posted a face pic, sexy bodyshots more than suffice in my experience then i usually cam with them before meeting to see what they look like