Never horny at the same time

[Neverrighttime]

This sounds trivial but it’s becoming a bigger and bigger problem. My DP of 4 years and I are never horny at the same time. In the beginning it wasn’t so obvious as we were just at it all the time, but we’ve now lived together 3 years, have a couple of pets and slipped into routine and we just never really have sex anymore.

We are both only early thirties with no children, both fit and active and have sex drives — we just are really struggling here.

DP is only horny when he first wakes up. We have nighttime sex but very, very rarely. I can’t help it but I am not a morning person, take a long time to wake up and then have so much on my mind with getting up and things to be done that I am just not horny.

This evening, we watched a film and it had some erotic sex scenes — we both agreed they were hot and I suggested we went upstairs. He agreed, we put the pets to bed, locked up etc and then got into the bedroom. I proceeded to undress and he told me he’d lost the mood, as the moment “had passed” and he “doesn’t like bedtime sex.” I don’t feel like I’m out of the norm for this and he always says “well you hate morning sex” so I’m just at a loss. Anyone experienced similar and how did you overcome it?

If there's no one else there, could you just have had sex where you were watching the film? I'd probably have lost the urge after the whole nighttime routine. It might come back, but if you know the chance is likely to disappear, grab it?

What about weekends/days you don't have to get up? Can you have maybe slightly later morning sex then?

I did sort of suggest to him doing it “then and there” — I suggested we just go upstairs, the rest can wait, but he said he wouldn’t have been able to relax. So frustrating. We can, occasionally go for afternoons but with our schedules it’s not that often :(

I can't relate to this. I've never known a man to turn down sex with their partner/ wife at any given moment when it's offered on a plate. He's avoiding sex with you and it's not just a one off. There's a deeper issue going on. Women and men aren't the same when it comes to sex. We're not as sex focused, men are.

Agree totally

From your second post, it very much sounds suspiciously like he’s looking for excuses to avoid sex.

Have you tried initiating in the morning to call his bluff? Recognise it’s not your best time of day, but it maybe worth waling yourself up early to give you some time to get in the mood and then surprise him. At least you can rule out him having gone off sex completely and trying to avoid the issue.

3.5 years later we still have sex whenever we can. He makes me horny all the time. We met this evening before we went to pick up his kids and had sex. He is late 40s me 50. it is a myth that menopausal women don’t get wet
We have sex wherever, whenever. Couch, kitchen, lounge and bed when there are no kids around.

Our rule is that the person in the mood is responsible for making things happen. The other person should be open to getting in the mood even though they're not feeling it right at that minute (a hard no is respected, of course).

I've turned down sex many times over the years simply out of sheer exhaustion!