It’s never been amazing

[Tradeposttess]

(Please no PMs from men on here!!)

I feel quite ridiculous writing this, but I’m 45 and I’ve never had amazing sex!! I’m worried my body is somehow defective 🙈

Having slept with 6 guys, I’m thinking it must be me, rather than them. 4 were inexperienced, 1 was a short-lived holiday fling and entirely selfish and the other was micro sized (and a one time thing).

I’ve tried a rabbit vibrator, bullet vibrator and womaniser. All feel nice, but I never get over the edge even after prolonged use. I don’t orgasm with the toys. Sometimes it feels too intense and I just have to stop.

I can cum myself, but it’s still pretty meh…as in nice, but not amazing.

So what else can I try? My ex had nearly no sex drive (and ED and PE). We had sex about 12 times in the past decade. I enjoyed sex for the closeness, but is it meant to feel amazing the entire time? For PIV, is it just when certain areas inside are rubbed it’s supposed to feel good?

I do wonder if my issue is psychological too. I had a fairly traumatic (and painful, then publicly embarrassing) first experience at age 17.

If anyone has any advice I’d be very grateful. Are there supplements I can take? Or hypnosis or something? I just want to feel wow even if it’s just once ever. How do you know if a potential partner is good in bed?

You just need to lust after your partner? Have you ever had that? Then be lucky that he's open and attentive and has decent equipment 😂

Definitely need to list...but I'm convinced my secret was starting later (20) and my first BF was so,what older, confident and very experienced but appreciated I wouldn't jump straight into bed with him. Our first time was a weekend away in the lakes and what he made my body feel like was unreal....I must be one of very few that losing my virginity was just amazing with more than one orgasm.

So lust, relaxation, being away and prepared all helps but experienced and good lover is the key

It doesn't sound like you've had good sexual experiences OP. And TBH just sticking a wand on the clit isn't going to cut it either.

Being creative might help when going solo. Nice bath, with bubbles, moisturising, music, glass of wine.

Exploring yourself and finding out where you like to be touched and how. So that you can direct your lover. Understanding the female genitalia through touch. Not just the clit, but the perineum, vulva, inner and outer lips, internal vaginal walls, g spot, urethral sponge, secral chakra, inside of the thighs, back of knees, armpits, nipple play etc until fully turned on then slowly build towards orgasm.
It may take a few times to relax enough to get to where you want to be.

Importantly though you need to let go completely of the past and start afresh and clear the mind of any undue thoughts. Like what's for dinner, did I load the dishwasher, in other words mundane thought.
This is your time and you need to love yourself,

Once you know how you like to be pleasured you can teach and show your lover. It then should become a pleasant experience.

If you want magical orgasms then my advice is take time to masturbate with no pressure to come. Just focus on the sensations and something that makes you horny. When it feels intense, that's the orgasm building up. Take a break for a few seconds then start again till you're ready to release. If you haven't found a toy that quite works for you, try another or find a technique using your fingers. I can relate to you on the crap sex. A lot of men aren't as good in bed as they think they are and are only focused on thenselves. So I advise taking it into your own hands. When I met my husband I knew he was good in bed. Everything he does is so passionate and he really focuses on making sure I orgasm. It's harder for women to orgasm during intercourse than men, so you need someone who takes pleasure from seeing you in pleasure.

I agree that you need to better understand your own body before you can have amazing sex with someone else

The Ferly app is very good for guided self-touch and masturbation. Lots of “hypnosis” type audio content very much focused on clearing your mind.

I’d also recommend reading Come As You Are.

Finally, going to a professional yoni massage practitioner might help, if you’d feel comfortable doing that. There are quite a few excellent ones, where you agree beforehand exactly how and where you want to be touched, and they’re often experienced in dealing with previous trauma. Not cheap but worth the investment.

You’ve got plenty of good advice up there but I wanted to give you a little bit of hope.

I split with my exH at your age, having never experienced good sex (no one had ever made me orgasm). It wasn’t on my radar after all of that but then I started dating. I was really fortunate to find someone I have the most amazing sexual chemistry with and my sex life is completely unrecognisable! I understand what all the fuss is about now - finally! And it will never not be a priority again,

So it might be that you just haven’t found the right person yet…