Repetitive sex in loving marriage

[Helpwanted2970]

I know I’ll get slated as normally happens when men talk about this on here but here goes.

i love my wife immensely but the sex we have isn’t very interesting and now boring, she’s doesn’t like BJ’s she doesn’t like me going g down on her, she just likes normal missionary sex.

I’ve spoke to her about this many times and I know nothing me gonna change as she just says she’s not into anything ore than what we do.

i really don’t know what to do anymore as I have a high sex drive and masturbate, more so when away as I work away a lot.

I went for a massage (genuinely) and the woman offered me happy ending which I refused and told my wife about as I was so shocked , however now I’m thinking about actually going to somewhere and accepting this time, or finding someone as I need the thrill of something more than just normal sex, but paying for sex doesn’t sit with me well.

do I just accept my fate of boring sex , I don’t want to be without my wife before that gets mentioned but I feel I’m in no man’s land

You've been messaging women on here looking for FWB! Are you hoping that women may feel sorry for you based on your post and message you too?

You are grim, please do your wife a huge favour and leave her. Disgusting man.

What does your wife say when you explain these feelings to her?

I'm sure you've been posting about this regularly over the the last year or so. You are not justified at all and you need to leave your wife so she can move on to better things. Believe me when I say you are way out of order.

So much for the support. I’ve been honest on here. I’m struggling and saying I am and I get met with a barrage of hate.

Plus when have I been messaging? I asked if i
could? I’m not jumping into DM’s.

nice to get lynched

You need to leave your wife if you're not happy, instead of cheating on her and/or paying for sex

Being told an opinion that you don't like is not a barrage of hate. There's no point in posting if you're only going to take on board others' views that are in line with your own and regard others as " hate". I'm sure someone out there will feel sorry for you but you don't come across well and you're showing zero regard for your wife. Leaving her is actually a sensible suggestion because it's preferable to her not feeling forced to engage in sexual acts she does not want and being cheated on by someone meant to love and respect her.

not hate reply but it's not going to change so either accept it for what it is or leave, sorry.

@Helpwanted2970, (M here)
Mate, you got to grow a pair.

The hardest part of any relationship, as I see it, is talking honestly and with respect. Harder than many think.

You talk, she talks, you listen, she listens.....and maybe the choices don't come immediately; the old "sleep on it" is good advice.
Be kind to each other, be sensitive.

I'm not sure if we've messaged privately before or it's just a common scenario, but if you want to, I'm happy to PM.

You're obviously pissing the ladies off, (doesn't matter if it's justified or not) so just take a step back and try a different approach.

Cheers.

Just seen an app called paired which is ment to help communication in relationships, might be worth a go.

I actually tried that and sent it to her but she never did it. I’ve been trying everything. Every time I talk about it I’m shot down

How old is she? Only time my sex drive dropped was when on anti depressants for a short period of time, is she on medication that would affect her sex drive? Or is she just done with sex and now just giving you maintenance sex, I've heard this happens in some relationships. Is she thinking your love for her would over shadow the lack of sex. I understand how hard it would be for someone with a high sex drive to understand someone with a low sex drive and vice versa. She's probably thinking you're obsessed with sex.

Tell her the honest truth and what you are thinking, exactly what was said in this thread. She has two choices (ignore you or take it on board and work together). I never gave my other half a BJ for years and one day he blurted it out upset and said he couldn't live like that and would end up going elsewhere. It was nothing to do with him but anxiety from a previous negative experience. Yes i was upset but what be said kicked me into shape. What have you got to lose, as if you do what you're thinking, you will likely lose her anyway. You could also try a sex counsellor or suggest one. Good luck (female and unsure why there's so many angry women on this post).

What a prize you are your poor wife its hardly surprising she can't summon up the enthusiasm!

Boredom plays a big part in all of this - a lot of people in longer relationships just can’t be bothered any more, some just don’t want or need sex.

Has the sex always been as bad as this?

People generally do what suits them (I read that on here a while back, it struck me as a real truth) - she’s doing what suits her, you need to do the same by leaving and perhaps finding a woman more connected to you, physically and emotionally - you will then wonder why you didn’t do it years ago.

Good luck, what a horrible position to be in.

And forget the happy ending prostitution malarchy, don’t stoop to that pathetic level.

End your marriage. You’re no longer compatible.

Just being honest here so please don't be offended, but do you have young children? Do you both work? As me and my husband are exhausted most evenings could this be a factor?
We tag team with the housework.
Do you show her affection or Tell her you love her? Is she just exhausted and she's trying to maintain sex to keep you happy? Could you maybe book a hotel together? Buy her flowers. I massively struggle with confidence but if she's confident buy her something nice to wear for you, massage eachother.
Please don't give upon her yet untill you find out the full reason why - cheating will only cause so much hurt and regret and break her heart which means you will lose her anyway.
You said you love her so she must be worth fighting for! Talk to her be honest about what you miss and feel you need from your marriage

Or maybe talk to your wife about how you're feeling.

Any woman you leave her for is going to expect an emotionally mature man who is capable of basic conversation. So stop being so soft and speak to your wife.
It's pathetic how many people enter marriage or any relationship and can't talk to each other.

What are you talking about?

I’m very happily married!!!!!!

So the problem is having one life to live .
Only so many times we can go to the well and when it’s dry it’s dry .
if she truly loves you she would listen .
If she places needs/ demands on you yet doesn’t reciprocate your needs you have to take stock be open and discuss this .
People who jumped on you via the board here …who cares they suck. Seriously just some fuck faces behind a screen
Its your life .
You do you . Make decisions about your life that will impact your future being better

Perhaps she finds it boring too so doesn’t bother, maybe try watching something to get you both in the mood, from personal experience, our se life definitely improves if we’ve watched something beforehand and it doesn’t have to be porn, just a film with sex in it, maybe try 9 songs or something like that

Back off a bit and have a go at understanding what your wife likes and maybe she will tell you straight. I found it very hard when I was working as I didn't know what sort of a day she had had. Now I am retired it is a real eye opener.

Not hate, genuine feedback. If youve talked about this lots already, and she doesn't want to have the same sex as you, and having interesting sex is key to your being happy, then you need to leave. You cant demand she has the kind of sex you want, and if you cheat on her with a sex worker you will already be ending the relationship. You didn't make a vow to have interesting sex forever, you made a vow to be faithful. If you cant keep your vow you need to break it honourably.