Researching dom/sub relationship

[Bishbashbosh24]

Hello!

I'm getting involved in a dom/sub relationship for the first time. I'm the sub. I'm really excited, but I'd like to know more about it all - what resources, accounts, books etc would you recommend me to look at.

Obviously a lot of how we are is agreed between us but I'm just interested in the scene etc.

Thanks

Bbb

I don’t know much about “the scene,” though I had a wonderful time with someone who was very immersed in it when I was younger.

When I ended up looking for a sexual partner in middle age I was very clear I wanted that dynamic and joy/playfulness back. (I settled when I got married and, while I loved him, I regret that now!)

You need to talk and talk and then talk some more to your new partner. Sod what anyone else does! This is about the two of you and what you want and how you do it safely.
A respectful and caring Dom will give you a safe, playful and liberating space to explore your bodies, develop a phenomenal closeness and feel content and peaceful. Keep sight of that and don’t get pushed into anything you don’t want to do. (You will evolve, change and maybe get braver, that’s part of the fun!) But you should expect to be in control. You have a responsibility to not allow the partner you care about mistreat you just as much as they have a responsibility to treat you well.

Have fun.

This is great, thank you. And absolutely, this is his take too, I don't feel like I'm with someone who's seen a few porn videos and decided he wants to pull my hair. He understands that it's all about my boundaries and wants me to explore it with him.

Thanks again, exactly what I needed to hear I think!

Have a great time x

Agree what you want to happen if something goes wrong and you don’t enjoy something as much as you thought you might. If he’s a good person he will be more upset/scared by that than you are. Make sure you have a catalogue of soothing, vanilla activities to fall back on to keep that connection. Be prepared for your desires/tolerance to fluctuate with your menstrual cycle and clue him in to that.
Agree not to try something new or push any boundaries if either of you have been drinking.

It is all about natural instinct. You shouldn't need a book or aids or instructions for it.

In my humble opinion.

You should go with your instinct.

And if you need instruction, then if that were me, I'd think it wasn't my natural thing.

The whole actual thing about one person being more dominant and the other the inverse of that is that it is completely natural. Normal. Reassuringly right.

And zero accoutrements are required, in my experience. Just your body, the other body, and voice.

If you want some reading to understand what the D/s dynamic can look like, there are some female sub written blogs that might be worth investigating. They won't give you a set of instructions, but they might help you get your head around what you do and don't like. Personally, I find some of their content quite off-putting, but each to their own.

Thanks all! We had to wait a bit for our next meet with Christmas etc so I think I had too much thinking time - I agree it's between us but I had an interest in the dynamics at play. But actually mnmndddd you're maybe on to something, might be best left unread!

@Bishbashbosh24, you're embarking on a voyage whereby you increasingly place your trust in someone who will take you in an unknown direction, travelling in ways you've never experienced, arriving in a place you didn't even know existed....and if he's caring and sensitive, you'll have an amazing experience.......and be safe in his hands. Enjoy every moment. x

NB: as others have said.... absolutely no alcohol and agree a safe word or sign, that you both know and respect as the moment to stop ..... even if just temporarily.

A true Dom will always keep you safe whilst stretching those limits.