Open Relationships

[Aishabibi]

First time posting on here, a bit nervous so please be gentle with me. I’d also appreciate if men don’t PM me please.

Essentially, I have not had sex with my husband for 3 years. I am pretty sexually charged at moment, thanks hormones, and NYE I thought I’d give one last go getting my husband interested…. Lingerie, and an offer of oral sex… but he made it clear that he didn’t find me attractive in that way anymore. Pretty crushing. He wants the marriage, kids, and family life but he says he doesn’t really work like that down below. I asked about masturbation and porn and he says it’s once a month at most, and he has lost that urge. However, he did suggest I take a lover to satisfy my more physical needs and he’d be happy with that but he’d rather not know.

i know some here have that kind of relationship and I’ve read here about Fab and other websites, but I’d hate a series of ONS I think. So a FWB type thing would be my ideal, but how do ladies prevent catching feelings? I’m worried I would if I was intimate with another man…I have only been intimate with 4 men, each in a loving relationship… or is that part of it? Any advice appreciated.

Firstly we are in a swinging sort of relationship so I speak from experience. You can never totally ensure you would not develop feelings for someone its just being normal I went through it. my husband is not a jealous man but one person i was seeing with his knowledge and had been present at he suddenly did not the phone messages in his mind they were saying something different and it nearly broke us
secondly meeting someone can be risky i don't mean just meeting in a public place etc people can say anything to you online texting etc but sometimes when you actually sleep with someone they can be quite rough and hurting you or have disgusting kinks

I posted on a similar thread. I found a lover on ie. We have been meeting regularly for a couple of years. Of course I have feelings for him. Doesn't mean I want more than we have. I find both being married really helps here.

Cyber chat sounds gross. And hardly going to help you out anyway! And I wouldn't be interested in sex without intimacy. Good luck!

I would be happy for you to pm me to ask about the feelings side of things if helpful OP

But I will report any men who pm me

We are in an open relationship. My wife sees other men. I don't see or date anyone else. I am happy for that arrangement to continue. Our sex life had devolved into a similar state of affairs as you describe.

Both of us have never been happier.

It can work, but communication and understanding is essential.

Myself and my partner have very divergent sex drives. Hers is much higher and the frequency in which we have sex is simply not enough for her but more than enough for me. I know she not sexually satisfied with me and whilst she cybersexes online, I'd find your arrangement perfectly acceptable just as long as there was openess and honesty. She would be happier.

Thanks again for replies. I should say, cyber wasn’t my plan, just what people suggested. One brief look at one of the recommended sites told me it wasn’t for me.

i will DM you @menotmeie

Cyber sex is a bit to hard for a first timer and besides its about being comfortable with someone and that can take a few months.

It is better just to have phone chats with potential lovers at first to gauge personality and common ground. If the conversation starts to get a little flirty and you feel uncomfortable then stop the call.

This kind of adventure should be taken in very small steps until comfortable with the process.

I can’t see how cyber sex could be fulfilling. I have been in your position OP. Believe me once you’ve had mind blowing sex outside the relationship you just can’t carry on as if it were normal.

I think as a compromise or even for a transitionary period, it's more than OK. My partner cybers with men online and is perfectly happy. She's made half a dozen friends over the years, one of which she's quite close to. If she wanted to have sex with him I wouldn't stand in her way because I want her to be happy. My sexdrive is quite low in comparison to hers and that's probably not going to change so the next step would always be to give the freedom to choose another way forward.

I believe his response of take a lover is old fashioned!

I read on here all the time that the cure for a sexless marriage is to have sex with someone else.

Yes currently nothing replicates a human and if that’s what you need with all it’s complications then follow the good advice on offer above

I do believe that there are so many ways to achieve high levels of satisfaction that don’t involve the complexity of human to human interaction that are worth exploring.

There are now many technologies and options available to women to replicate most forms of sex. The majority you could involve your partner in but I doubt he has even considered any of them or you if you’d not previously considered cyber before posting.

If he has no interest which in its self is a little selfish if he wants the relationship to continue. Then you could possibly achieve a level of satisfaction that would scratch your itch, maybe try both to see which one suits you best.

Wishing you the best of luck in your journey. Much respect for staying and looking for an honest solution rather then cheating which motivated my post x

It is interesting how many people see sex and masturbation as interchangeable. To lots of us they are completely different. And AI/cyber sex/toys/porn... whatever else are all forms of the latter. If someone is looking for the former then yes it does involve another human being!!

I agree with this. I think op most misses that connect with her DH which sex brings as well as the actual physical side of sex, the feeling desired ect. I use sex toys only if do is away or if unwell but it’s to scratch an itch and no way as good for me as having sex.

I see masturbation Is stimulating your own genitals manually or with a toy/device either alone or with a partner.

I would include any stimulation of my genitals or me stimulating another’s genitals as sex. Forplay = sex not the precursor to PIV.

We regularly use sex toys/devices as part of partnered sex and does not always include PIV.

This could be a viable option to Op if her partner was to lean in a little. A a possible less emotionally challenging solution.

Another option being intimate body work as mentioned on a number of threads already.

I can't think of anything worse personally than a man who has said he has no interest or desire for me using a toy on me but each to their own!

Or sexting a guy called Brian who is pleasuring himself in the toilet while I type 'harder, faster, I'm nearly there' on my phone 😂

As pp said I like the intimacy and desire and warmth of sex. It is a very human experience which makes it so wonderful

But we are all different!

I do agree with you, even tho I am a fan of online/cyber fun as an addiction to physical sex.

Just sexting, as an act on its own is a little dull, but as the build up to something usually more physical its hot.

For me, the online fun is sharing voice notes, pictures, videos or voice/video calls as the human involvement is what makes it. I do love toys, but I don't think I would enjoy getting it on with a robot/AI alone.

Oh yes @MySXforumnn I absolutely do enjoy a 'virtual' build up... to the real thing. Just not as a replacement. I'm with you there 😉

Anyway I do hope the OP finds whatever it is she is looking for

Would you mind if i DM you? Thanks