My husband always wants me to wear lingerie

[GrannyandMum]

Can I ask your advice as I don't know if I'm being too grumpy about this.

My husband always wants me to wear lingerie for sex or even for sitting about in the evenings. Im now 50, work full time, menopausal and curvy. We are raising our 3 year old granddaughter without any input from our granddaughters parents So i am so tired all the time. We have sex about once a week which is okay but not great.
He always buys me lingerie (cheap I'll fitting in in size XL from China) and only ever tells me I'm sexy when I wear it. Putting this uncomfortable clothing on is the last thing I feel like doing and is now the biggest turn off ever for me. I have asked him nicely to stop buying it for me but he keeps on doing it. My birthday and Christmas prezzies are lingerie. I might sound ungrateful but I have told him that I really wish we could save up and go shopping together for something we both like. But my gifts are always crappy lingerie.
To add to this my husband makes no effort at all to look nice for me. He wears stained old scruffy clothing and doesn't take part in much male grooming. He is like a teenager! I'm starting to resent him for it.
Advice please as I do not know how else to tell him I'm not interested in his fantasies. Help!

I'm a man and would be embarrassed to behave like this. It's your choice what you wear and that's what he wants he needs to make an environment that's conducive to you wanting that. Which he isn't doing. I think you have to have a chat first about fairness.

If you're not interested in his fantasies, the answer is simple. Do not do it.

Do not be pressurised by him to do it.

The fact that he wears stained old scruffy clothing and doesn't take part in much male grooming is very telling.

Next time he buys you cheap tacky lingerie, just give it back to him and refuse to wear it and keep doing that every time he buts you more.

Him buying you lingerie you don't like is so selfish. Let me guess, he's also selfish and shit in bed and only focused on his own pleasure. In this situation I think you're entitled to withhold sex until he improves. He thinks it's all about him and you're just there to please him, well fuck that.
Every time I read things like this it makes me so thankful that I'm not with a man like this. It's such a turn off.

Enjoy seeing DW in nice knickers but long since stopped buying them or asking her to wear them, they only come off, OPs partner needs to think about what she wants not just himself

However you are telling him he is either not listening or not getting it. I do know one of my good male friends was buying something similar at xmas’s I tried to explain it should at best be an addition to any present but that it should not be the present. Interestingly he also was not the most well groomed either.

He has had subtle hints but was equally selfish/blind until his misses gave it to him both barrels where everything was outlined in detail and it stopped with some other all round improvements in personal hygiene.

You could use the way you feel as a catalyst for positive change. Your offer to meet him half way and choose something nice together is frankly more than he deserves or in true mumsnet tradition let him hear the thunder clap of your vagina snapping shut next time the EBay crotchless knickers turn up x

best of luck 🤞

You can kick back at this, you can acquiesce, or you can work with it.
If he wants to see you in lingerie, he wants to have sex with you. He's not screwing the lingerie. So that's a positive.
If lingerie isnt working for you, but you still want to have sex with him, he needs to know that too.
The only reliable way through this is to have a proper, grown up discussion, where you both express your feelings and listen to the other. And you need to be brave enough to gamble on your future.
Good luck. ❤️

Tell him lightheartedly that you have enough lingerie to open a shop and you would like him to have a good think about different things he can buy you in future. In return, buy him new clothes, male grooming products and say how good he'd look with using them.

That's the subtle way of dealing with it. The other is to just sit him down and tell him straight. From my experience, this is what a lot of men need because they don't take clues.

This reads as so weird and unhealthy.

Why do we have to be subjected to men writing out their fetishes on here. It's gross

That's bloody awful of him to be doing that to you tell him absolutely no and to stop buying you underwear/nightwear and he makes no effort for you so why should you make a effort for him wouldn't put up with that at all

I rarely wear things like this my dh always says well it's coming off anyway so why bother haha

The writing style is VERY weird

Sounds like an erotic novel, and a crap one at that.

What’s with all the capitals?

You must have misunderstood OP’s question, she wasn’t asking about everyone sex life in detail. 🤮