Erectile dysfunction? Something else?

[Brokenyellowcrayon]

Hi,

I have been in a relationship with a man for over a year now. Everything is great, apart from sex.
He seems to have difficulty staying hard, often losing his erection when he's inside of me, which does nothing for my self esteem. He also very rarely is able to finish, he has finished PIV a handful of times, via anal sex once, blow job maybe twice. More often than not he needs to use his own hand but even then sometimes it takes a long time and sometimes he can't.

For context we are both late 30s, he is on propranolol. He was single for a long time before meeting me and hadn't had sex for 8 years due to the nature of his job meaning he had very little time to meet women or maintain a relationship.

I have never been insecure about myself, and have several long term relationships with satisfying sex, but I can't help wonder if this is because he isn't attracted to me, or in case there is something wrong with my body after childbirth ( 2 babies who were 9 and 10lb born vaginally)

Does this sound like it may be erectile dysfunction and if so, is there a way to improve matters?

It could be he’s on propranolol I’ve heard that can stop men ejaculating.

A more common reason today is watching too much porn. If it's that it's absolutely not you.

If he's long been unwillingly single, he may well have become desensitised by using it too much, and he could also be struggling to stop now. I did.

To do list:

• ask him. Ask if still has morning wood (less likely to be physical issue then)
• ask him if he has tried to stop / is struggling
• If you don't like him, tell him. If he admits it's part of the problem, tell him it's hard for you.
• If he needs help to stop, website: yourbrainonporn, phone app: fortify.

The web research says that propranolol can, in extremely rare cases, cause ED. As was suggested, if he does have morning wood (a hard erection in the morning with little stimulation), then the problem is probably not physical. One thing that helps with ED is Kegels exercises. Pelvic floor therapist Michelle Kenway has a YouTube video that provides a Kegels exercises beginners guide for men. Kegels trains twitch muscle fibers in the pelvic floor. The slow twitch fibers are endurance fibers, and they work for extended periods of time and support erections. Fast twitch fibers are for fast, strong contractions for ejaculation. For the exercises, Michelle Kenway describes the technique as simultaneously (1 retracting the penis inwards as if a turtle is drawing its head in, (2 tightening and lifting around the anus opening, and (3 thinking about passing urine. The slow twitch fiber exercise is done 10 times for 10 seconds each, and the fast twitch fiber exercise is done 10 times for 1 second each. Both of these 10 times sequences should be done at least 3 times a day and for at least 3 days of the week.

OP, ignore any posts claiming it must be down to porn - at least for the time being.

Propranolol is a beta-blocker, which can and does cause ED due to lower testosterone along with delayed ejaculation. It’s not you.

it does not cause ED In rare cases, it is a common side effect.

The reasons for being on Propranolol itself can also cause ED - such as high blood pressure , anxiety and depression .

although I disagree with most of @bosqueverde post - establishing whether he get NTE ( not just morning wood ) is a good indication as to how healthy his erectile function is. If he gets no NTE, the. He will get atrophy and he certainly won’t want that.

there’s obviously lots he can do / try to improve his erection quality such a viagra and cialis or the generic PDE5’s but they won’t help with the delayed ejaculation -

You just have to remember, IT’S NOT YOU

Kegals can help with additional blood flow INTO the penis ( although I’m not convinced they are beneficial ) but the fact that he can get hard but then goes soft or less hard, suggest it’s either physiological or he has a veneous leak, where blood leaves the erectile tissues quicker than blood flows in - in which case kegals won’t work.

A cock ring might help, where it can trap the blood once he’s hard, but don’t use it for more than half an hour.

If they are not trained, the twitch muscle fibers in the penis and pelvic floor will also not work as well.

If he's been single for years, has he mastutbated regularly? If so, he's probably got used to his own technique. There's a feedback loop when he does it himself and he'll have reinforced certain neutral pathways.
It's not about how much he fancies you (has nothing to do with porn) and it's not permanent - you(pl) just need him to get used to you.
Have fun!

Various theories here. I’ve no idea what is and what is not credible or the background/knowledge of those saying things. I am more than a little surprised that nobody has suggested seeing a doctor. Surely that is a first port of call?

I agree, he should at least report side effects to the doctor that prescribed the propranolol.

How long would you think he'd need to get used to being with me? As we have been together for over a year and things haven't improved at all, I don't really know how much longer I can take feeling so insecure about myself because of this

Thanks for all of the replies

This is really not about you. Sex therapists help couples to re-establish intimacy. The both of you might want to consider seeing a sex therapist.

Not a clue. Others' advice sounds more practical than mine.

Propranolol has been around a long time there may be an alternative, whether it affects his ED is another matter but worth a try.

As you say is it something else.

Might be an idea to engage in Kegel exercises to see if that improves intimacy.
Is he able to cum when he masturbates? Could you masturbate him to see if he can cum?

Good luck OP I understand your situation.

He can often when he uses his own hand, it usually takes a long time though and sometimes he can't. Never when I do it

If his problem is not due to a medical condition, Kegels exercises can help with ejaculation because Kegels trains the fast twitch muscle fibers in the penis that are used for the fast contractions that happen in ejaculation.

Yes, but he loses his erections as well which Kegals are unlikely to improve.

Kegels exercises also train the slow twitch muscle fibers, which build and maintain the erection. Kegels benefits the erection and the ejaculation.

As a man who has had Peyronies, ED, and now a penile implant, and a man that has tried every single PDE5 , herbs and exercises known to man I have to say I disagree with this,- if blood flows out of the penis quicker than blood flows in no amount of legal exercises will help with maintaining an erection- But there is no harm in trying, what doesn’t work for 90% of men with ED will work for 10%.