Toys

[user1460431757]

Hi all, posting this to get others opinions.
I'm feeling frustrated, me and DW have been together 15 years, she is quite a selfish lover. I am always the one that initiates any sexual encounter we have. Despite my voicing this as a concern, things have not changed.

On the run up to Xmas, I had an idea that we should start a tradition as a couple and at least one of our gifts had to be from Love Honey or similar. I thought it would be a fun way of us reminding each other that we have a sexual connection,

bit of background we have three kids under 10 so as I'm sure you are aware, the sexual side can become less of a priority.

I happily bought a top end rabbit and one of those rose clit sucky type toys. I introduced them into the bedroom a couple of nights ago, no interest from my DW, in fact she was saying it hurts before it even touched her skin.

I stopped my advances and suggested that she try it out on herself whilst I watched. She got in a huff and the moment passed.

I'm so frustrated at the moment, we manage sex maybe 2-3 times a month, sometimes it feels like she is only doing it because she feels obliged, on more than one occasion she has said "hurry up and cum"
We lack any variety, no oral, hardly any foreplay and usually just the one position Doggy.

I love my wife and find her sexy but just can't help but feel we are missing out on so much enjoyment. She is 37 and I'm 46 so not old enough for the scrap heap yet.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable by wanting to add a bit of variety?
Do you think I'm perverted by wanting to introduce toys into our bedroom?

Sounds like she's always been this way from day one so unsure why you thought she would change.

Oh and feedback on the toys, I probably wouldn't want my partner to use that rose toy on me either, they are too intense and if used wrong would actually hurt. Fine to use solo but take time to get used too.

Not perverted, but toys are a very personal thing. I love my toys and have done for years but I'm very selective with the ones I will use. Not every toy will be suited to everyone. I use my toys on my own, they aren't for my husband to use on me. I need to be in control of it to get myself to the point of orgasm. It would have been better to let her choose her own and let her get used to in her own time with no pressure, particularly if she is not used to using one. But if she doesn't want to then you can't force it.

I see this as being proactive about wanting to change things you aren't happy with. Has she spoken about why she doesn't want sex or has she expressed that she doesn't enjoy it at all?
Plenty of couples use toys together because it's fun but if it's something new for you both it will take warming up to it at first.

She's a selfish lover because she doesn't initiate? She has 3 kids under 10, sex is probably the last thing on her mind.

Do you know that generally men's sex drives are spontaneous and women's are reactive?

No, she says that she really enjoys sex with me, she will always orgasm during sex, but then the fire goes out, many times I've ended up finishing myself off once her needs have been met

No, I use the word selfish because once her needs are met, she's done. See my post below.

Aren't you kind of shooting yourself in the foot then?! If you introduce a toy for her to orgasm she'll be done even sooner than you are 😂

Seriously though- if the gift was for her then let her do what she likes with them. Expecting a performance makes you sound like the selfish one

She wants you to be quicker is the bottom line, isn't it? Has she tried edging to give you a chance? I will also say that not all women like vibrating toys. Give it to her to use on her own, see how she gets on and then maybe she'd be comfortable introducing it to use together. In general partners should be making sure both of you finish though so that is a bit shitty.

I would be very interested to hear your DW' s take on this.

Hi there, sorry for late response, I don't think wanting to introduce sex toys into the bedroom is perverted. At the end of the day you can only communicate your desires with your partner and talk through them together. Me and my partner went through a similar problem but she purchased a Skins Rose Buddy and she now loves it that we've experimented with more toys. A little different to the rose toy you mentioned but you may want to look into one.

@roseymoira

There is no basis in reality for this gender based statement. Virtually all studies carried out on men and women show that sexuality and desire are not gender specific. A woman is just has likely to want spontaneous sex as a man who gets turned on my romantic interaction with his partner. It's an individual matter.

@user1460431757

Did you make any progress in improving your situation?

If the issue is that your partner is one O and done before you would it not be worth looking at a sex enhancing toy for you to get you there quicker.