Sex club....how to ask DW?

[Whywhathow1]

How to bring up the possibility of going to a sex club with my DW I'm not sure what reaction she would have at the idea of an evening of swinging

Impossible to answer without knowing some background.

If you've been before, and or you've swung before it shouldn't be too difficult, especially if you both enjoyed it.

If its a completely new idea, be prepared for a lot of questions, reassurance, and probably lots or arguments!

You also need to ask yourself WHY you want to swing. Is it because you aren't happy with your current sex life? Because this is exactly what your DW will ask and or think...

Never done anything like this before but feel a need to add a bit of variety

Then prepare for it to massively backfire. You are basically asking for an open relationship which will make her feel insecure, unwanted, unloved and will be questioning your entire relationship.

Can you add variety by doing something else, if sex is vanilla maybe discuss/ add something more of a kink for just the two of you, going straight to swinging might be too much, though believe there are some venues where you can try watching/ doing different things without having to go down the swinging route

If you suggest swinging out of the blue, she’s likely to think she’s not enough and become insecure, especially if you’ve not having much sex together.

Variety isn’t a bad thing. Most people crave novelty especially in a long term relationship. I’d be inclined to open a conversation about how you both feel currently, and whether she thinks sex has become a bit routine. Ask questions of her. Would she like to change anything? What would make her feel more desirable?

You might want to suggest Killing Kittens. There’s lot of resources there about intimacy and desire. Everything from masssge to lap dancing to BDSM. That might be a good way to start talking about spicing things up generally before you get on to parties. The pre-party chats are a good way to meet people beforehand and she could connect with other women attending,

If you do decide to look into parties, please be aware that there’s a great deal of variation out there. A room of 3 couples fucking surrounded by 20 wanking single men might be a bit much for a first timer. Ideally you want to find a venue with a relaxed, no pressure environment with clear rules on consent and no “wanking dead” wandering about.

DP and I started out with a very clear boundary that we just played together as a couple at parties, it was a turn watching and being watched. Then we progressed to soft swaps then full swaps in the same room. These days, he happily waves me off on solo dates. The key is to go slowly and agree your boundaries.

Yep!

(M here)
From what you've said, you're basically "putting the cart before the horse."
As @PinotPony says, you've got to have to some very basic conversations with her first about your sexual relationship and only then can you even begin to explore new areas together.
Be prepared for unexpected responses from her ..... you're opening a new dimension here and you need to tread carefully.
Once you have this chat, there's no going back.....it'll be part of your future "for better or for worse."

This sounds like the worst idea in the history of the world. If you wanted variety you shouldn't have got married. Why are men such assholes?

This could backfire so be warned I wouldn't be happy if my dh wanted to do that and I would ultimately tell him to fuck off and move out thank goodness my dh isn't like this your saying your sex life isn't up to ur standard or is boring then you should talk to her properly miss matched sex drives are never good

@Gem359

It's not just married, my ex who I was engaged to wanted THAT life... so he went and did it and sacrificed our 4 year relationship because that was way more important for him to experience than our life together! Fucking sucked!