Can't orgasm without porn

[rhubarbcrumble489]

I'm in my mid 30s, been with my husband since we were teenagers and I've never had an orgasm through sex.

Faked it a lot when I was younger and I've never had the heart to tell him that's I've never orgasmed. I can orgasm myself using a toy while watching porn and have occasionally made myself orgasm using my hand while watching porn. I once orgasmed to a scene in a movie using my hand too.

I've tried using a toy during sex but I just can't get there.

I started watching porn quite young and I think I've ruined it for myself.

I've recently started listening to erotic podcasts and I do get very turned on but have yet to orgasm while listening.

My husband always asks me what I like and what he can do but I don't know what to tell him because it only seems to be porn that does it for me. We have occasionally watched it together but doesn't seem to work.

Is there a particular genre of porn that works for you? If you watch a different genre, does it still work?
It's interesting that it doesn't work when you watch it together, that implies that his presence alone prevents you being able to orgasm.
I'm assuming you feel more relaxed when you watch it alone?
Trying to orgasm or having someone try to make you orgasm can make it more stressful and then you're less likely to reach orgasm.
I've known women that have been unable to orgasm from sex until they've found a dominant lover. There's a feeling of "letting go" (like relax into it) that goes with that, do you know what I mean by that? Do you feel that you "let go" when watching porn?
Have you tried things like restraints and blindfolding before?

A lot of porn is not couples friendly. This makes it difficult to "work" when the couple watches it together. Couples friendly porn exists, but you have to search for it. Also, only 18% of women can orgasm through penetration sex alone. You might consider mutual masturbation, and you could use that to lead your husband through what type of clitoral stimulation works for you.

@ibegyounotto no not one particular genre

@ibegyounotto sorry that sent too soon.

No not one particular genre. I think with porn I can take as long as I need to watch the part which turns me on the most as many times as I need to. Obviously with my husband I can't say just go back just go back again. I do think I feel the pressure when he is there and I don't know why I can't relax. He is a trier god love him and he would go down on me for ages if he thought it would work but it doesn't.

He isn't dominate no, I've told him about the erotic podcast I've been listening too and told him maybe he needs to take some tips in terms of dirty talk etc but I think he would find it awkward and actually I don't know if it would find it weird coming from him either!

@rhubarbcrumble489

From the small amount you’ve posted I would offer that your porn consumption may be having some effect as it’s very stimulating but it sounds like your just in your own head during partnered sex.

You can absolutely ask him to go back and back again. It’s a so much better when a partner can articulate their needs and likes. I bet he’d really appreciate it if he is interested in your pleasure and enjoyment.(which sounds like he might be)

It took me yrs to get my partner out of hers still not fully onboard but there are loads of good blogs and books to help you both and hopefully won’t take as long as it took us but it’s certainly worth the effort.

It sounds like he could learn how to relax you and get you in the right headspace. Men often focus too much on the physical actions and not enough on the mood and psychology.
It would be like going for a massage, if the masseur wasn't able to relax you, the massage itself wouldn't work.
It's a little worrying that you would "find it weird coming from him" though.
You said there are particular parts in porn that turn you on most, maybe you don't want to share what they are or can't put your finger on why you like them but do you think you're able to replicate those moments with him?
Do you "feel" like if you could be the woman in that porn scene that you might orgasm? Or do you not think about it like that?

Since there is a psychological aspect to orgasm, you might try approaching it by using Orgasmic Meditation. The advantage of this is that it will get your husband involved in the experience. It involves the stroker (your husband) sitting beside you while you are lying down, with your legs overlapping with his. He stimulates the clitoris for a maximum of 15 minutes. It is not even required that you have a climax. The purpose of it is to focus on the pleasure of it. He can even be fully clothed when it is done, also. There is information on the web about Orgasmic Meditation.