Thought of partner with other people

[Marcymarcc]

Every now and then it’ll come up in conversation about previous people my wife has been with, it could be anything from sizes, best sex she’s had, things she’s done in general etc and it’s a huge turn on. She knows I’d love to see her with another man and she will very occasionally engage in the conversation but it’s more during foreplay or whilst having sex and I know she would never go through with it in real life.
Do many people have similar thoughts?

Yes. It seems to be a recurring theme on this forum.

Not for me. No desire to go with anyone else or see him with anyone.

It does seem to come up a lot here.
My personal belief is that most men are "capable" of being turned on by the idea but it's a matter of the right experiences and emotions that trigger them to find it a turn on.
Societal norms mean that, of the men that are turned on by it, most will keep it a secret. There'll be some that are only marginally turned on by it and so try not to think about it because of the other emotions it conjures up.
It's an addictive kink, once they latch onto it, the desire usually only gets stronger and more intoxicating.

That's an interesting post and I agree with much of what you said.

I do wonder, though, what you believe to be the "right experiences and emotions that trigger them to find it a turn on"?

Absolutely, we often role play where he will be wearing a sleeve during sex or a large toy and I tell him how it feels like some of my big exes and he also asks me to close my eyes and imagine it is actually them I’m having sex with and he loves it so so much.

I'd love to have sex with another man with my partner watching, it's the thought of him watching not the idea of sex with someone else which grips me. But I know he'd hate it and I don't mention it, even as a fantasy

There are a lot of triggers and combinations of them.
The most common trigger is being cheated on, even if it's not triggered right away, looking back on it afterwards might gradually trigger it.
A lot of guys are triggered by their inability to sexually satisfy their wife, especially if they know that ex-bfs have been able to satisfy her or that she was willing to do things for them that she won't with himself. That curiosity about what her exs were able to do will tend to prey on their mind.
Some guys are triggered by seeing other guys fuck women in a way that looks more impressive than they feel they are able to, porn is frequently to blame here but swinging or even same-room sex may trigger it.
A guy seeing his wife flirted with by strangers might trigger it, especially if she seems to be reciprocating. It gives a feeling of vulnerability that is similar to sexual submission.
A wife being blunt about wanting to fuck other guys or wanting to experience a bigger cock or someone that lasts longer might trigger him.
A wife asserting sexual dominance over her husband might lead to triggering cuckold fantasies.
The list goes on and the psychology is fascinating.

Do you mind me asking what you don't agree with? I don't mind, I'm always interested to hear different angles and opinions.

You might be surprised.
Just telling him you have this fantasy might plant a seed.
Guys find it sexy when a woman confidently knows what she wants sexually.

My hub usually gets a raging hard on if we talk about the past
but has admitted in the cold light of day the aftermath of being with someone else would be difficult

just keep it a fantasy

often crops up here, seems lots of men a turned on by their partners being well pleasured by a more skilled or well equipped lover.

To be honest I can’t see a problem with men wanting this x

We’ve spoke about it in detail especially when we first got together and she was very descriptive which I loved. I’m not interested in sleeping with another woman and her watching. I’ve always said my only thing would be that they are bigger than me.
If it’s something you’ve thought about you could always test it and drop in conversation about past experiences etc and see how it goes, you might be surprised

I think it’s the same for us, the idea seems great and sexy but what about after

This fear is what makes the moments after so euphoric.
She will probably fear that you will be hurt, that you won't find her attractive anymore.
You might fear that she will no longer want sex with you, that she will be somehow enlightened and not look back or pretend that nothing's changed.
The likely reality is that immediately after you will both make love like it was your first time, like a couple of horny teenagers. You will realise that not only is everything ok, it's better than ok.
That rollercoaster feeling of going from fear to nervous to relief combined with the eroticism of the situation will be overwhelming but you will both feel it and share it as the beginning of a journey.

Actually, I didn't disagree with anything you said, it was just I needed to find out what you considered the triggers before I gave my full endorsement, so to speak.

Much of the triggers you mentioned seem quite negative: past infidelity; feeling inadequate in relation to other men's sexual prowess; vulnerability; submissiveness.

I wonder where compersion, a feeling of joy or happiness at their partner's fulfillment, fits in to the fantasy?

You sound very enlightened in this area. Is it a journey you've been on?

Submission and vulnerability aren't negative, they're enjoyable aspects of sex. It takes courage and trust to show vulnerability and submit to someone, I find it admirable.
I understand where you're coming from though.
Compersion is the other side of the coin, it's a driving factor but tends to come after the initial trigger.
My previous replies were more related to cuckolding but there are many dynamics (stag&vixen, swinging, hotwifing, threesomes, gangbangs etc) where a guy might want to see his wife with another man.
I'd prefer not to share my personal details but lets just say cuckolding is my specialist subject, I'm always happy to discuss and help on the subject.

Thanks for your insight.

I'd definitely be more into the hotwife experience as a fantasy compared to cuckolding.
I didn't realise until recently the different dynamics of each scenario.
Whichever way my fantasy is labelled, it's definitely the most exhilarating and intense fantasy that I've had.
It seems to be getting more intense with each passing week. Very intoxicating.

So the OP is definitely not alone in desiring this.

interesting what labels guys put on their fantasies with their wives.

I have a female colleague who dates other guys often with the full approval and engagement of her husband. The “pre date” ritual they go through is an eye opener but she doesn’t ever see the same guy more than a few times for fear of becoming too involved. But I know from her conversations with myself that she’d quiet like too but that’s the conditions they’ve set.