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Sex after children

2 replies

Everestisthebest · 04/12/2024 00:49

Myself and my partner sex life has really really dwindled since having children, who are 3 and 5. I had a lot of health complications after my second child. I have endoemtriosis adenomyosis and had ovarian cysts. I've had a mirena coil to help but still experience pain when we try to have sex.

But aside from that, what I'm finding is that the spark is just gone from our sex life. It just feels so awkward and forced and doesn't help that it also hurts sometimes. I've lost all my confidence since having children. I think I get in my head too much then that it's not working and I just can't let go. It doesn't help that my partner also never initiates having sex so that makes me feel a bit frustrated and concerned as I feel like he should be trying more.

The last couple of times we have tried its just been not good and either ended quickly or just not happened at all. Can anyone please advise on what we can do to improve the situation as its really getting me down as I really do enjoy sex but not enjoying it at all at the moment.

OP posts:
GarrynotsoGorilla · 04/12/2024 12:54

If you over focus on the penetration element which you know is problematic then it will all just be there in your mind making you both more tense. Maybe just make it clear that you intend to have some fun but that not be the destination, and you both achieve orgasm differently. Then after a few times of having the intimacy that way you might find you are both more relaxed and it happens naturally and more comfortably?

Applecrumble24 · 04/12/2024 23:03

Can I recommend “mind the gap” Dr Karen Gurney. Really interesting to understand desire and what influences it.

Lots of suggestions and tips for “low desire” or if one or both of you are just not into it.

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