Online communication

[Rosie8880]

This is a niche one. Where I’ve been single, I enjoy flirting with sub/dom. I have met people (men) online and enjoy flirtation and heavy sexual chat - phone calls and texting only, I don’t share and invite photos etc. mainly with men in their 30s (I’m in my 40s). There is a new ‘sub’ and we do tend to talk about so many other things, he shares a fair bit about how he is feeling and what is happening in his life. It’s a strange thing but now I feel drawn to him in a different, non sexual way - he’s very romantic too. My head has gone and I can feel something developing in me that is more than just harmless flirtation. Talk me off this ledge or tell me to follow my heart - help! (And, esp value thoughts from kink community as well here as it’s a slightly different twist on basic sexting - it’s quite psychologically fulfilling).

I think you are allowed to develop a friendship online, but be cautious of being catfished. Think about how much you are sharing. You could meet him face-to-face? See where it goes?

Thanks Nina - I mean, that’s the most basic thing - let’s meet up, right? We follow each other on social media and we know some mutual people IRL, although we have not met IRL - so I know he’s “real”. It’s been bloody ages we’ve been chatting - it’s quite insane - 6 months! As we’ve gone into some quite deep places meeting IRL will fill me with dread too - we share so much I’ve not been able to with people / dates IRL - I also don’t want the kind of real/ fantasy blend to stop - it is insane when write this ha!

Just be careful please

My opinion is that feelings happen for a reason - it's something telling you that you want this person to be more than casual/limited/text only. (Whether that thing is your body/your heart/your gut/fate/Cupid depends on your belief of course.

I experienced this once and although it complicated my life in various ways I will never regret deepening my relationship with that person and being open with them about my feelings.

But I also agree with the person that said to be careful.

Now I am intrigued by your story. I am a real believer in following what I feel and just seeing what happens. I think my ego may be getting in the way here too. At worst I lose this lovely chap and our connection, I read the room wrong. But if so then that needed to happen maybe. He lives with his parents at the moment, doing a bit of a dead end job, whilst I have a quite senior corporate job, managing budgets of multi million pounds. I say this as we have very different lives at work, I’m quite stable but emotionally and sexually we seem to connect, at this strange digital stage, in ways I haven’t experienced for some time. Yet. It’s just two strangers connecting over the web and nothing can replace real life connection - I think I need to make the leap either way - as this is starting to drive me a little insane ;)

When I’ve met someone IRL I’ve had a trusted friend nearby tracking my phone location. Better safe than sorry!

I think you should remember that if you're talking to someone you've never met, you're communicating with them in a limited way that makes it much harder to establish a true relationship, you can't really feel what makes them them in the same way as if you're physically present with them. I'm not saying it can't happen - it absolutely can - but you might be filling in the gaps with your own ideas of what you would like him to be like, or enjoying the mystery of it. That's a very good reason to give yourself a talking to. Also I agree with the comments about safety.

I've met a few people I've chatted online with for long periods, over the years. Meeting them was generally the end, as there was no more to learn about each other really, though it's also resulted in a great friendship. I guess that's different to what you're after though.