Married too young, sadness at what I've missed

[MissingLinks85612]

Just that really, I got married at 22 to my high school sweetheart. Over the last few years I've started to regret settling down so young. DH is a decent man but doesn't really care for himself anymore. He isn't depressed, just a bit lazy and slobbish. This has got worse over the last five years or so. I'm not really attracted to him anymore. I have spoken to him about how I feel, but he doesn't seem very bothered. His attitude turns me off even more.

I still take care of myself - for me and for him - and I'm starting to enjoy attention from other men. I just want to feel something again, and have a bit of excitement back in my life. We have three primary-aged kids though and I can't decide whether it's worth disrupting our average little life for a few cheap thrills. I just don't want to get old and wonder what if? Can anyone relate?

I can relate to this though there were many many other issues in my marriage in the end which made it unsustainable. I met my ex when I was 20. Didn’t have much experience before that.

We separated two years ago and I have just found a FWB. I’ve since realised how bad the sex I was having with my ex was and it does feel great to have attention from other men and explore that side of myself. I should have done that exploration in my 20s. It says a lot that I’ve had better sex with someone I basically just met than I ever did with my ex and that a relative stranger could care so much more about my pleasure.

I don’t want a relationship at the moment because I don’t have the time or emotional energy and probably don’t ever want to live with a man again or introduce a step-parent figure (though possibly I’ll change my mind one day). I think it is hard to find a really good relationship as a single parent (because your standards should be high, the logistics are hard and not everyone wants to date a single mum) so I wouldn’t leave just for hope of finding that. You need to be happy to leave and be on your own.

But obviously I can’t say whether your marriage is bad enough to leave or whether it could be improved e.g by therapy. Life as a single parent is often really hard, though easier if the child’s father will pull their weight and you will be ok financially. And divorce is also really hard on your children of course so shouldn’t be taken lightly.

Just be aware that affairs / FWB are almost never the answer and certainly almost never uncomplicated. You could join one of the affair websites but chances are your husband will find out sometime. To be honest, either work at your marriage (counselling, date nights, lingerie, experimentation etc) or be up front and leave him.