When he wants

[GreenVibes]

Hello,

My partner thinks he can have sex with me when he wants it. I clearly say we are not having sex tonight and he says oh yes we are. He then starts to touch me and although I say no he says shut up! You know you will end up enjoying it anyway. So I end up getting enticed and we have sex. Half way through he does pause and ask if I want to keep going (he obviously knows no means no) but people pleasing me goes along with it and by this point I usually am enjoying it, I always say no keep going. He also grabs my boobs when he wants, if we are doing foreplay he is very rough with his fingers, I push his hands away and say no I can't do it that hard and he just flicks my hands off him or pins my arms down and continues. Is this so terribly wrong. Is it my fault for not setting boundaries and maybe he does genuinely think I enjoy it. I also have to sleep naked even though I hate it. Thanks for reading. I'm a sensitive soul so go easy on me please 🙈

He doesn’t know that “no means no”. At best, he’s sexually coercive.

You need to shut this down. Now. A conversation outside the bedroom where you make it super clear that you don’t want him to touch you sexually unless you’re giving really clear, enthusiastic consent.

If you carry on like this, there’s a very real chance he’ll end up raping you. I don’t say that lightly and I’m someone who plays with BDSM dynamics. But if you aren’t being absolutely clear on your boundaries, he’s going to ride roughshod over them.

You need to throw this one away, he has no respect for you

As a man I am trying to think how I would feel if my wife tried to have sex with me when I did not want it. I'd hate it, I might physically enjoy it but mentally I'd hate it.
Sex should happen when both people want to make love.

If your partner can't get in tune with how you feel them he either needs to learn or get out.

I can see he might have the idea you “like being seduced/having your mind changed” from the interactions you describe. You need a serious, clothes on conversation about how much and what sort of sex works for both of you. If he’s still an inconsiderate pest he needs replacing before he becomes a rapist.

Thank you so much for your responses, they are much appreciated. See anytime I do tell him no he goes in a bit of an off mood and jokes I don't love him anymore. There was one time I had just finished nightshift and I really wanted to go to sleep. He started doing his usual touching and I said no please I just want to sleep and before I knew it he flipped me over and started doing it anyway. I just froze but again half way through he asked if I wanted to stop but I just shook my head. I did say to him a few days later that it made me feel terrible and he can't just ignore me when I say no. He did apologise and say it wouldn't happen again but I feel like it might be heading that way. Thanks everyone for your time

Doesn’t sound right

i have agreed my hub gets a few “free use” days but these are pre agreed

Urggh he's a sex pest and a rough and controlling one at that. This guy is not a keeper OP. Find someone that listens to you, respects you and treats you nicely.