I feel horrible writing this

[Bakingmomma101]

I need advice,

i am in the super duper early stages of divorce eg just sent the papers!

the reason for the divorce is years of cheating / lies / drugs & alcohol abuse all when I had NO idea. Literally love of my life and my children’s dad (brilliant one at that!)
but anyway; after a long 7 months of trying (since finding out), it’s all done and I realise I can’t forgive.

my problem is I cannot stop thinking about outside ‘validation’ . I don’t know if it’s cos my trust is completely ruined, my self esteem is on the floor, I feel depressed , I feel not good enough etc etc etc. almost like I want to know that im still attractive and not just a washed up young divorced single mum.. do you get me? I know that sounds more awful than intended but im being honest how I feel . Maybe it’s like ‘f* it’ mentality, like you’ve done what you like for 7 years now it’s my turn?!

I don’t know but I can’t stop thinking about just having that ‘feeling’ of being someone’s everything for a minute. Not being mum, not being an ex wife, not being a girl that’s cheated on, just straight up lovely-ness and passion and to feel young and fun and no strings attached.

tell me im not crazy to have these constant thoughts??

from a deeply hurt / depressed/ confused / sad mama xxx

That sounds completely understandable from where you are, as you say you have had all your self worth destroyed in the most awful way, it's totally understandable that you want to feel important and special to someone. To feel desired and wanted and feel someone has some passion for you. I am sure you are very desirable and wantable. But what is most important from here on is that you start to feel and understand that about yourself, without needing someone else to validate that for you x. good luck.

I really understand how you feel; but some things just aren't available, no matter how much you want them. By all means go out and have a shag fest if that's what you want - but that won't make you 'someone's everything'. Meaningless sex is just that: meaningless. It is likely to give you a dose of post-coital tristesse (YMMV). To be somebody's everything you need a lot more investment and commitment from both you and the partner and that takes time

But you know all this. Take some time to mourn your relationship and to get yourself on an even keel before you leap into things that will ultimately give you no revenge and will make you feel worse about yourself. I suspect that getting sex will really not be difficult if that's what you want. Just get yourself to a place where you're thinking clearly and really know what it is that you really want. And then, if you still fancy it, put on your lbd and head down to your local cocktail bar

I think you're looking in the wrong places for what you want and need. You're looking to someone else to raise your self esteem and make you feel better about yourself - and that can be a dangerous game. Not least when you're thinking about doing it through one night stands.

Take some time for yourself, remember who you are without him. Give yourself time to grieve for what you thought you had, then move on and get strong. Don't hang your self esteem on anyone else, keep that just for yourself.

I think it's understandable how you feel because you have been living an illusion, a non truth. That is all the more reason not to hang your self esteem on yet another non truth. I also understand the need to feel loved and desired again, but don't do something rash, that you come out of it with feelings of guilt, shame and self esteem further reduced.
I think it is probably better to take a deep breath and look at the illusion created and realise it was an untruth and that living a lie had nothing to do with you.
It would be much more productive to discover your Truth again and your innocent authenticity. The right man will come along because the right men are attracted to authenticity and respect women with boundaries.
Having said that, if you do meet someone with whom you have high intense sexual chemistry, then fill your boots. But don't hang your self esteem on it. It won't happen.

Completely understandable! You do need to pause though. Decide if you want sex or to be cherished. The former is readily available. (Trust me, I’m a washed up old trout who gets plenty!) but the latter is very rare. You need good friends, perhaps a good counsellor and time to recover your self esteem before you even try looking.

totally normal and so long as you are a bit careful and choose sensibly then it will for sure make you feel better.

Go on hinge.