Pre-cum

[Redpool]

A bit of a back story, when me and my wife met the sex was incredible and mind blowing, she was always in such sexy underwear and adventurous incl using sex toys etc and always gave the best blowjobs. Fast forward a few years and sex is now infrequent, she says she hates wearing thongs as they are uncomfortable and admitted she hates giving me a blowjob as it makes her gag trying to take it all the way and sex is only missionary. It’s always me initiating things and the timing is right at the moment!
in bed she’s letting me play with her and it’s all one sided, once’s she’s finished she will roll over and go to sleep but I love seeing her being pleasured and orgasm.
It’s annoying that it’s one sided but oh well, anyway last night whilst playing with her she started rubbing my cock and because I had a bit of pre cum she started going mad saying she can’t believe it and now she will have to change the sheets and have a shower etc.

surely this isn’t normal behaviour? She is very OCD and has anxiety and this was always hidden by her when we met until a few years ago.

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She's probably seeing someone.

Maybe put a towel down before, if that helps?

But it sounds like she's very anxious about a lot of things. Either it's real and she is genuine or it may be a cover for her feeling unsure about the relationship as a whole?

is she more stressed than usual? Do you have kids. There's nothing like kids to kill of sex in the early years!

Have you thought about taking her away for the weekend? Sex isn't always about toys and underwear. For a woman it's about changing things up in terms of locations and a sense of excitement that the bedroom at home can just get a bit boring.

Book a hotel room for an hour on the spur of the moment one day when you're out shopping on the weekend? Well, I guess that's expensive. But there's something about spontanaeity that's sexy.

Also if she's anxious maybe look at ADHD Love on Facebook. She explains how she gets very distracted during sex. Not sure I can find any posts but might help.

Good luck!

Also, don't expect to go all the way with sex, once physical stuff starts.

Just have a snog and then leave it at that. She'll wonder why you aren't going all the way. But don't. Let the tension build. Sometimes sex can get too 'expected'.

Take the pressure off. And be kind and compliment her. That helps too.

Unlikely if she’s this “OCD” about sex.

Appreciate the sensible comment so thanks,
I don’t think the towel will help as she will want the duvet over us incase the kids walk in but I suppose I could have a towel under the duvet 😂.
outside of the bedroom nobody can mention real world problems as she will be up all night with worry, when I’ve questioned it in the past she said she’s always been bad but covered it up for the first several years of us being together.
she also suffers from really bad periods and I probably only get 1 week in the month where she is fairly normal.
I know she’s not having an affair in response to the other comments.

Has she been to see her GP about the anxiety/OCD there are things that could really help.
We really didn't need all the details of your sex life.

It’s in “Sex” so obviously there’s going to be details about their sex life!

Maybe look at Jimmy on Relationships on YouTube, if you have kids, women need so much more than what men think for sex to happen and feel good about it. Maybe you’re already a really great DH so apols for that if you’re already like Jimmy.

if she gets really heavy periods it sounds like she could be anaemic and low iron can definitely feed into anxiety and low sex drive.

If she’s got all these symptoms you’ve mentioned she’s probably got the MTHFR gene which means she’s anxious, a worrier, needs support for methylation and this will only get worse with age and as peri menopause kicks in, maybe already starting.

Id suggest magnesium supplement, vitamin b supplements, vitamin D, iron supplement and others too.

A good multivitamin would be great but a methylated version is a must. Hopefully she might get some easing of her anxiety.

She could do the well person check up you get on the nhs to check everything over. Anyone over 40 can get it for free.

a woman’s biggest sex organ is het brain. Fix that and everything else will fall into place.

amd I was not bothered by your sex details! Of course you have to explain stuff. Not a problem for me!

And she might be a bit spectrumy with the profile you’ve mentioned so sexy stuff/fluids might give her the ick.

I can understand that getting cum on the sheets and thinking I needed to wash them so the kids don’t see/smell it would be a passion killer. Another load of washing to do vs an orgasm… hmmm…. It’s that constant grind of drudgery that kills off a woman’s sex drive. It’s so relentless. It’s exhausting. You don’t feel like sex because you’re burnt out.

Sex is always amazing in the honeymoon phase, it's completely normal to go through peaks and troughs after a few years especially with kids.

And she's right, thongs are really fucking uncomfortable. For most women, lingerie is for date nights when theres proper time and no kids around.
Something that stood out is how you talk about bj's 'taking it all the way'. Personally I can't think if anything worse than all that deep throat shit, it's a porn thing and if you're not into it, it's actually pretty distressing when someone tries to make you gag shoving their cock down your throat. I hate it. If that's your expectation she's likely been put off.

To be honest, it sounds like she's have a period of low libido and isn't enjoying it. Maybe take the pressure off and concentrate on showing affection in non sexual ways for a while. The sheets thing sounds like she was scrambling for an excuse.

Truth incoming OP.

This is such a common thing in a marriage. Sorry to say, you are now seeing the real and true version of your wife: neurotic with no interest in sex.

She might not want to admit it to you, but the horny lady who was trying so hard to impress you in your early days as a couple is GONE. When did she go exactly? Probably about the same time as you started making serious commitments.

That's right. You were mistaken if you thought she'd be staying for your whole marriage.

And no matter what you do, she won't be coming back.

It's up to you how you deal with this.

A lock on the door might be helpful to reduce here anxiety of kids walking in ( which they shouldn’t do anyway, they should be educated about privacy ). I have a lock on my door anyway though my kids are teens and they really wouldn’t walk in!

That's some bullshit right there. 🙄

OP I'm a woman and I've been married 16 years. We have more sex now than ever so for pp to say because you're married your sex life is over is utter drivel.

Relationships take nurturing and if you don't communicate and nurture what you have then resentment sets in and then the rot. It takes effort. Everyone goes through peaks and troughs.
You don't mention what you're doing on a day to day basis to make her life easier OP? Do you compliment her outside of the bedroom?
Are you pulling your weight round the house and with the DC? If she's having issues with her periods it's likely her hormones are out of wack. Are you sympathetic to that and the impact on her or are you just thinking about your cock?
She sounds exhausted and people'd out. Lighten her load and give her some 'her' time where she isn't a mother and wife. Tell he how much you appreciate her and how beautiful she is (and mean it too!)

Well bully for you having great sex after all those years.

That's clearly not what's happening for the OP and I think my synopsis is likely closer to the mark.

Compliments, sympathy and the ever popular "more help around the house" might help. Or they might not.

OP, ask yourself. If you were father of the century, and husband of the decade (by the way, you're not, but imagine if you were), do you really think you'd be getting more quality sex than you are now?

This topic doesn’t show on the homepage so you obviously knew what topic you were in??

Thanks.💐

You telling OP that married sex means a dead bedroom isn't true, you're projecting your own issues. Many couples who are married long term have good sex lives so saying otherwise is drivel.

Of course there are also lots of couples that don't have a great sex life, more often than not it's a lack of communication, time spent together as a couple and also one of them not pulling their weight outside of the bedroom.

OP doesn't say what he's doing to lighten her load. What are you doing to that end OP?
What has changed since you first got together and she was carefree and enjoyed their sex life?
DC? Work commitments? The daily rewardless grind of housework? Does she get any time to herself to regenerate her energy?

I would hazard a guess therein lies the answer.
Because when a woman feels peopled out, knackered and unappreciated the last thing she wants to do is have sex.

I don't understand why men don't understand this. Try it and see what happens.

Sorry, perhaps you're confusing me with somebody else. I never said marriage always results in a dead bedroom. I simply said it sounds like that's what has happened in this person's case.

Is it entirely up to the husband to second guess what he needs to do to make the stars align and bring back the wife's sex drive? He's probably playing his part in the running of the household just fine.

The fact is a wife needs to cooperate too, by communicating what her needs are, and also being receptive and positive when her husband does make an effort.

It sounds like the OP's wife is just moaning no matter what he does. If he's really so bad in any of the ways you mentioned then why not say so?

I'm sorry, but it is absolutely the case that many married women think it's fine to decide they can't be bothered any more, and simply opt out of a sex life.

Oh and just to be clear, it is of course absolutely fine for a wife to decide that for whatever reason. But at least TELL your husband that's what you've decided, and save him the humiliation of repeated rejection.