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I really don't like sex.

3 replies

beetlebum69 · 22/11/2024 03:32

Let me preface this by saying that I haven't always felt this way, but over the last five years, it has become increasingly apparent that intimacy is just not for me. Until last weekend, I had been happily celibate for three and a half years. The situation that arose then only confirmed my feelings.

I have a good friend, an ex-friend with benefits, with whom I hadn’t had any kind of relationship for many years. He stayed over last weekend, and we shared a bed as we have done many times before without anything happening. However, this time he made a move, and for some reason, I didn’t say no. I was utterly repulsed by the whole experience. I genuinely felt nauseous; I know that sounds dramatic, but that was my reaction. I did tell him to stop because it was so uncomfortable; I just made an excuse that I needed to use the toilet so the awfulness could end.

Even during my relationship with my ex-partner, I didn’t want to be intimate with him either. It was a combination of things: he treated me poorly, and nobody wants to be intimate with someone who makes them feel awful. Additionally, he had some odor issues that honestly made me want to gag—not in a good way!

I am sitting here trying to remember the last time i did enjoy it and it must have been in 2013 when i had a summer of what i like to call "free love" and i went a bit nuts and had lots of very safe sex with a few different people.

I had been blaming myself for so long that it must have been a low libido or something but no, i just don't like the physical act of intercourse. Kissing, good, touching, good.... beyond that, its a no from me.

I am 49 by the way.

OP posts:
Emptyandsad · 22/11/2024 11:11

If you don't like having sex, then don't have it. If, at any point in the future, your desire to have sex grows, then you should consider starting to have it again.

That's all that needs to be said

But, just out of curiosity, when you say "Additionally, he had some odor issues that honestly made me want to gag—not in a good way!".. are there any 'good ways' of wanting to gag?

xpc316e · 22/11/2024 11:57

It is absolutely fine for you not to like penetrative sex, and nobody should tell you otherwise. Under the circumstances you describe it is no wonder that you feel as you do.

BunnyOnTheOnion · 26/11/2024 14:42

When you say 'sex' are you meaning just PIV or all sexual / erotic contact? You can absolutely have sex without PIV being the outcome/ end goal / included at all. It's perfectly fine to only do the parts you want to do, if that means just kissing touching, with or without oral, that is 100% OK.

Best to communicate before getting in to bed to make sure everyone is on the same page, especially if you find saying 'no' difficult in the moment. Having sex you don't want (but didn't communicate) can leave you feeling a bit shit.

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