Let me preface this by saying that I haven't always felt this way, but over the last five years, it has become increasingly apparent that intimacy is just not for me. Until last weekend, I had been happily celibate for three and a half years. The situation that arose then only confirmed my feelings.
I have a good friend, an ex-friend with benefits, with whom I hadn’t had any kind of relationship for many years. He stayed over last weekend, and we shared a bed as we have done many times before without anything happening. However, this time he made a move, and for some reason, I didn’t say no. I was utterly repulsed by the whole experience. I genuinely felt nauseous; I know that sounds dramatic, but that was my reaction. I did tell him to stop because it was so uncomfortable; I just made an excuse that I needed to use the toilet so the awfulness could end.
Even during my relationship with my ex-partner, I didn’t want to be intimate with him either. It was a combination of things: he treated me poorly, and nobody wants to be intimate with someone who makes them feel awful. Additionally, he had some odor issues that honestly made me want to gag—not in a good way!
I am sitting here trying to remember the last time i did enjoy it and it must have been in 2013 when i had a summer of what i like to call "free love" and i went a bit nuts and had lots of very safe sex with a few different people.
I had been blaming myself for so long that it must have been a low libido or something but no, i just don't like the physical act of intercourse. Kissing, good, touching, good.... beyond that, its a no from me.
I am 49 by the way.